Chapter 4 – Inertia
After last night, I feel exhausted. All of my energy feels completely drained, and I don’t feel like doing anything today even after sleeping until the afternoon. The house is collecting an odd amount of dust today. My strength only allows me to do so much before I feel like I have to sit down. The stiffness that demon caused me to be more tired than I’m used to. This challenge has probably been building up in me.
These days where I just uselessly labor away, cleaning the house, fixing things, and denying temptations just to do it all over again the next day without much rest. I just want a day or two where I do nothing and rest my mind without a care in the world. If I can do that, then I’ll have the strength to go back to my boring life again. It’s not wrong of me to ask for that, is it?
Because of my thoughts and tiredness, I’m not sure which thoughts are mine and which ones are my temptations. If they are one in the same to the point where I cannot tell the difference, then I’m in deep trouble. I know of saints that were never tired when they were doing more than I am. Am I so lazy that I can’t even do the meager tasks I’m supposed to? Am I allowed to rest today and maybe tomorrow to get my strength back? Am I being too scrupulous with myself?
The house is fine the way it is. If my knight came back in a few days and found the house dirty, then would he blame me for it? A lonely life of toiling away at a house that can never stay clean takes its toll on you after a while. It’s similar to life. You keep yourself healthy and happy until you eventually die. I shouldn’t think like this. I shouldn’t think at all today. The only thing in my mind is rest.
I’ve been getting up cleaning a bit then sitting down for most of the day. My eyes have been glued to the ceiling for what feels like hours. The sun is setting now, and I’ve barely done anything. I guess you can’t blame me after what I’ve been through mentally. Still, I could at least tidy myself for tomorrow.
My strength feels like it’s been completely sapped from me. Everything from my arms, legs, and body feel incapable of movement. If I could, I would just fall asleep on the floor and get up when I can whenever that might be. My mind has been going in circles for hours now with silence from time to time. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.
What’s that over there? Is that another demon coming my way? It looks like me as drawn by a child. Completely green eyes, no noes, and a line for a mouth with brown hair and black clothes. It’s crawling towards me with its claw-like hands and I barely have the strength to move.
“Why move when you don’t need to? I’m so lazy that my legs have lost their function.”
“I’m not like you. Once I rest up, I’ll be back on my feet to do what I always do.”
“What you need to do is rest? Your knight might have pity on you and treat you extra special when he comes home.”
“He knows I’m not a lazy wife.”
“Then just rest for today. I’m not my other sisters. I won’t tempt you in any way. I’m too lazy to.”
“Good. You can leave me then.”
“I’m not that lazy.”
What’s coming out of the ceiling, the walls, and floors? Are those maggots or termites? They’re eating everything around them and they’re crawling on me. AAAAHHHHH! The maggots feel like they’re burrowing into my skin. They’re in my eyes and mouth! I have to move or else everything I have and am will be consumed.
“Decay does all the work for me. I don’t need to do anything. Your inactivity helps me as well.”
“Then you’re going to be disappointed.”
It takes everything I have to clean the maggots off me with whatever water I have. It’s incredibly painful to pick them out of my eyes and get them out of my mouth and ears too. Now I have to clean them from my floors. I get my mops and brooms to clean them from every surface of my house.
“Why are you worried about losing your house and everything in it? Blessed are the poor for theirs is the kingdom of heaven, right?”
“I’m still allowed to have my house. Plus, taking care of my house is my God given responsibility as a wife.”
“You’re going to lose everything anyway when you die.”
“This is still my responsibility.”
“Who’s going to care when works don’t get you into Heaven?”
“It’s faith show by works that show God that I am a willing servant of His that get you into Heaven. Not faith alone nor works alone. That and God’s sanctifying grace.”
“…I’m too lazy to come up with another argument. Three is usually enough.”
“You’re really talkative for being lazy.”
“It’s a problem I’m trying to get rid of.”
Most of the maggots and termites are gone now, but more are still appearing in the house. This demon is probably the reason why they keep appearing.
“Your maggots and you are really starting to get on my nerves. I think it’s time to leave. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for me a sinner and get rid of this demon torturing me.”
“Oh no, don’t invoke her. I hate her more than most saints.”
“Too bad.”
The demon is dragged out the door by an invisible force and the maggots and termites get sucked out with her. I’m almost afraid to rest now. Oh, I almost forgot to say my rosary for the day. To give my proper thanks to Mary, I say the rosary on my knees. If I’m allowed to rest, please give me a sign...
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