Hello! I am an advertiser of sorts for all the benefits of being dead. Come along with me as I tell you why you should be glad in your inevitable death and tell you about your possible destinations with guests from each place. It’s going to be so exciting! I was alive just like you before I died, as you can imagine. Now, I give tours of the afterlife and teach people about it. With that said, let’s stop talking about me, and let’s go on our adventure!
First, I’d like to mention the obvious benefit of being dead and that is you no longer need to worry about the day of your death! Death can come for you at any moment. Perhaps your death will be this year, month, day, or in the next few moments or after you read this. When you’re dead, you don’t have to worry about that or how you’ll eventually die. Oh, and worrying about the way you’ll die is also alleviated so the bandage is ripped off and the most literal painful part is over.
I’ll talk more about physical things next. You won’t have to worry about taxes, how much wealth you have, or all your possessions. In addition, since you are all spirit now, you won’t have to worry about being too fat or skinny, getting a disease, and any physical harm. Nothing can kill a spirit, except for sin of course, but that’s a different kind of death that I mention in my talks about evil, which you’ll get a taste of later. Speaking of worldly things, you don’t have to worry about who is running your government, corporations, and job security. The dead don’t need to worry about a savings account where moth and rust destroy.
Last of all is what happens after your death. Even the most faithful will be overjoyed in death now that their judgment is final. You no longer have to worry about sinning or the possibility of going to Hell or worry about if Heaven and Hell even exist. In death, your judgment is final and you’ll be spending the rest of eternity in the fate that you deserve. This is probably my favorite part about being dead because I’m at the last destination of my life that I journeyed so hard to get to.
Speaking of destinations, let’s go to the three that there are. How are you doing there, Jimmy? Was it worth living life the way you wanted to?
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WATER!!!!!!!!!!”
Poor Jimmy. He still thinks of short-term needs. In life, he lived how he wanted to even if he hurt himself or others. I guess you could say that’s what every member of Hell has done. Every person down here has killed their true personality made by God and replaced by someone unknown, evil, and self-made. These kinds of people live in death and their souls constantly decay until one day, they have to present this rotten soul to God who banishes their rot to Hell with the rest of the souls and spirits that thought they could define themselves better than God could.
Anyway, enough with the doom and gloom afterlife, let’s talk about something less depressing and more hopeful yet still hot, so to speak. How are you doing, Lenny? Are you done cooking yet?
“No, not yet, Jeffery. I still need cooking done on the sinful stained parts of my soul that still remain. I’ll have to flip over to ensure that side is well done. It’d help if you’d get those readers of yours to pray and do penance for me.”
You heard him, folks. A soul in Purgatory like him is bound for Heaven, but he’ll have to burn in penance until it is done. Lenny was somewhat faithful to God and made a good confession before his death, which narrowly saved his soul. To be honest, whose soul isn’t narrowly saved? The souls in Purgatory lived between life and death. They were hot and they were cold. Selfless in some moments and selfish in others. I may sound like I’m implying that most go to Purgatory, but the number depends on the times and if the Church is doing God’s will or the will of the world. Take care that you do not think that Purgatory is for you, otherwise, you’ll end up in a much lower place than you’d think.
Next up, and certainly not least, is Heaven, the big pearly gates themselves. Thank you for letting me through, Peter. Ah, this place never gets old, literally. Abaddon, what’s new, my friend?
“Nothing, and yet, everything feels new. Such is an eternity in adoration of goodness and love itself.”
It does feel that way. I’ll be with you again in just a second. The people in Heaven lived in death for their lives. They killed their sinful desires and pride while they had the chance, did their penance, and went straight to Heaven. Abaddon here was not only a sinner like everyone else, but also one of the worst. He is the reason why my closest loved ones died and I am the reason why his family is dead and I am the reason why he died and he is the reason why I am dead. To cut a long story short, we spent our final moments together seeing the vanity in our actions, forgiving each other, and offering our last pains as penance for our sins.
I know, I know. You probably want to know more, but that’s the thing about death and eternity. It makes you realize the drop in the ocean that your life is and that only a few decisions in your life matter with the most important being a good final confession and the dedication of your soul to God. There’s a popular saying that goes around here that’s echoed through eternity I’ll leave you with before you go. It’s better to die now so that when you die, you won’t die. I hope to see you up here when your day finally comes. Perhaps today is that day, so enjoy what you can and make the most of it while you still have the time!
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