Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Sample of: So Good, but So Evil (Chapters 1 -3)

Chapter 1 – Open the Floodgates so that the Water, Blood, Semen, and Unmentionables be Free!
            This story starts with the hero’s head cut off and shown to the masses by a villain who’s outmatched him in one area.
            “Here it is,” says the villain, “The head of Damien! The once great, invincible hero! O would I love to hear what he would say about his defeat!”
            “Tis but a scratch!” the severed head says.
            The villain outmatched him in one area and only one area. He drops the now smiling head as it starts to sprout a body.
            “You must’ve not seen my encounters with other villains. You can’t kill me. You can’t completely destroy me. You can’t even give me a boner when you show me sexy women.”
            A bit overpowered don’t ya think?
            “Totally overpowered to the highest degree!”
            Thought so.
            Damien takes off his newly formed arm and tosses it at the villain like a boomerang and decapitates him. He then catches his arm and puts it where it belongs as if nothing happened.
            “I know the real boss is here! Come out and face me!”
            A fleet of heavily armored zeppelins quickly approach from the horizon with heavy artillery.
            “Well that’s convenient.”
            Damien makes a fighting stance and widens his smile.
            “This is going to be fun.”
            He points his finger at the fleet and deletes all of them out of existence except for the flag ship, which he leaps up to. He lands where the ship is being piloted and confronts the villain that put all this together.
            “Why?” the villain asks, “Why can’t anyone kill you?!”
            “It’s because of my powers. I can survive anything and I’ll die when I want to but until then…”
            Damien quickly runs through the zeppelin, destroying its vital systems and engines.
            “I’ll be killing villains like you.”
            The crew of the ship panic and run all over the place while others jump out of the crashing zeppelin without a parachute and others just sit or stand in fear of their impending doom. Damien grabs a seat next to the villain who is still sitting in the captain’s seat.
            “You don’t want to leave?” asks Damien.
            “No. The captain goes down with his ship.”
            “How noble of you. So do you want to tell me your sad backstory ten seconds before you die?”
            “Um, ok. It all started when I was a boy and my mother raped me almost every night-”
            The ship crashes to the ground, killing all the henchmen below it and almost everyone in the zeppelin except for Damien who is still sitting next to the charred corpse of the villain.
            “Interesting story bro. Needs more work but you get an A from me.”
            Damien carves an A on the corpse and leaves the wreck while still on fire and metal protruding from his body.
            “I wonder what I’ll have for dinner tonight. Oh! Maybe I’ll skip dinner and have ice cream instead!”
            Damien is a hero with an almost unlimited variety of powers. Ranging from useful ones like complete body regeneration and being able to shoot fire out of his hands, to useless ones like being able to turn into a cup of water and-
            “Being able to talk to the narrator.”
            Yeah that one.
            “I can also write in the story too.”
            Albert Oon is a fucking bitch faced, cunt.
Anyways Damien gets all the bitches and is the best superhero ever!
Can you stop?
“Fine. I’m busy anyways.”
He makes it back to a nearby city and demonstrates another one of his abilities to a couple homeless kids.
“Hey kids you want a superpower?”
The kids look at the freak in horror.
“I heard that dickhead! Oh excuse me for my language. Now stay still.”
Damien puts his hands on the children (pedo) and one is given the ability to materialize money and the other is given the ability to switch their facial and body appearance automatically. The children are amazed by their new abilities and thank Damien for his gift.
“Aw shucks guys you’re welcome. Remember to not use them for evil or else…”
He turns into a nightmarish combination of insects, demons, and deformed people.
“I’ll come for you.”
They go back to being scared and say they won’t do anything bad.
Damien turns back to normal.
He then continues on his way back home.
Damien got his powers from a mysterious purple bolt of lightning that hit him while he was hiking on a mountain and he’s been changing ever since. The power mutated from his first set to give him all the abilities he has now even the one to give powers away though the one to constantly get powers has faded away.
“Which sucks to a certain extent.”
He uses these powers to help others and kick ass in his own masterful way that can’t compare to other heroes.
Well there’s nothing wrong with what you wrote.
“I can write too ya know.”
Suddenly an explosion rocks the city he’s in and a new villain with a crew of heavily armed henchmen and hostages in a cage rises from the concrete.
“Damien! Lend me your abilities and we’ll rule the universe together! Refuse and all these people wil-”
Damien snaps his fingers and the villains and his henchmen die from explosive diarrhea. Unfortunately, the hostages are crushed by the cage they’re in. A crowd of people yell at Damien, saying he should’ve saved the hostages.
“Ok. How would I have done that? The guy literally had his finger on the trigger if I did anything else but agree with him. If I had eliminated them any other way, there would’ve been a bigger fight and more casualties.”
The crowd goes quiet and Damien continues on his way home feeling justified though I remember you having super speed and other powers that you could’ve used to save those people.
“Oh shut the fuck up. I didn’t think of that at the time. Besides, I’ve stopped caring about the few lives that are sacrificed in favor of saving the majority.”
Hey I’m with you, I’m just saying alright?
I’m also saying that I’m a bitch.

Chapter 2 – More Villains, More Bloodshed, More Fun!
            “What’s on the agenda for this chapter mister author man?”
            A group of twenty villains want to fight you out in an open field far away from civilization.
            “Good. I don’t need to worry about civilians to bitch at me.”
            Damien goes out to the area the villains want him to and find a range of villains with various powers some of them kids.
            “Yeah yeah. Trying to make me feel guilty about killing children which will lead to my defeat – no.”
            As the fight starts, he kills the kids first and uses their bodies as weapons. Don’t you have a power that lets you turn people into weapons but still keep them alive?
            “The way they fall to pieces when I hit them against each other is both fun and a great strategy as it takes care of two of them at once. Besides, I think I gave that power away outside of this book.”
            You did a lot of things I could leave out of this book.
            “You’ve killed the children,” one of the villains say, “But you wouldn’t kill the unborn, would you?”
            “I’m pretty such I’ve killed some of girls already, which answers your question, so I’ll just answer it again with the same…answer.”
            Damien releases projectiles out of his crotch which enter the female villains. They then explode from the inside and give birth to alien-like abominations which help Damien kill the rest of the villains. They then wither and die as their purpose has been served. With nothing better to do, Damien make a little hill out of the dead bodies and puts a sign up on top of their corpses which reads, ‘Another bunch of idiots who fucked with the wrong guy’.
            “Hey, it’s art.”
            If you say so. You mind telling me why you kept that one power and got rid of the others?
            “Because you wrote it in that way.”
            “Are you going to have me do anything else this chapter besides make the story more gory and edgy?”
            Sure, why not. Our main hero goes and decides for himself what to do.
            “You serious?”
            “This is either an incredibly lazy decision or one of your most interesting. Let’s go with it.”
            After the lazy as fuck author gives a more interesting person the writer role to his story, he walks back to down then decides that’s a boring and tedious thing to do. I use my transformation ability to transform (what else?) into a hot chick with skimpy clothes to attract passing cars. The first truck that’s in sight immediately stops and picks me up. The man in the truck says the he’ll drive me back to the city if I give him sex in the nearby hotel and I get an idea as I agree to his proposal. As we stop at the hotel and go into a room, a give him the ability to conjure women who will do anything he wishes for. I transform back into my original form to show him the truth about me, but he doesn’t care as he drowns himself in pussy. This hotel isn’t too far from where I live so it’s no big deal to walk the rest of the way there though when I begin to leave the hotel, I smell the all too familiar smell of blood.
            You don’t have a nose.
            I can still smell, jackass. Now that smell of blood could just be someone on their period, but just to be safe, I use my super hearing ability-
            You don’t have ears.
            Blow me. A -
            You don’t have a dick either.
            Find a way then (I used to have all the things he said, but that’ll come up later [I read ahead]). Anyways, I can hear the sounds of murder sweeping through the halls and follow the sounds to a scene of absolute horror with the walls decorated with the skin of various different human beings ranging in color and age. The culprits jump out the window to escape and their latest victim dies of blood loss. I will take the victims’ revenge so I chase after them and find their hideout. It’s a concrete building in the middle of the forest. They appear to be smuggling kidnapped people here for their fucked up shit and I’ve got to – OH SHIT! I look at my wrist and use my ability to make a watch and see that the ice cream shop will close soon! I gotta end this soon so I come up with the great idea to just throw some of my offensive and defensive powers to the kidnapped victims. Powers like turning to stone, invisibility, and melt things at will are overrated anyways. Skipping all the bullshit from here to the ice cream shop, I get there and order a chocolate and vanilla twist with rainbow sprinkles. The unthinkable happens shortly after…some dumbass accidently walks into me and knocks my ice cream to the ground ruining it.
            “Hey, sorry man,” she says with a muffled voice as my anger rises.
            I get flashbacks of having my stuff knocked to the floor by bullies and watching the same happen to people I cared about. I’m going to ex-fucking-plode in seconds – wait. Some kid is offering me the same ice cream that I lost. The parents explain that this kid knows the same pain I know and is giving me his ice cream instead of wanting to eat it himself. Good kid. I take the ice cream from him and give him and his parents some of my powers as payment. All in all, this was a good day…end the chapter.

Chapter 3 – The Past Always Comes Back to Bite
            That was pretty good Damien.
            “That’s why I’m credited as coauthor.”
            Yes, and as a coauthor and the main character you have lots of work that you need to do.
            “Point me in the direction.”
            There’s a cloning facility that is attempting to clone people with Damien-like powers. It is located that is hidden away from public view deep beneath the earth that Damien just happens to find during a morning stroll.
            “Hey,” he says as he transforms into a black cat, “I’m a curious cat.”
            In cat form, he sneaks around the facility and sabotages the equipment the scientists are using. This kills several of the test subjects and research data as well as powering down the facility.
            “If I wanted people to be like me, then I’d give them my powers.”
            After sabotaging the whole facility, it starts to break down and destroy itself from the sudden loss of power. The scientists quickly escape, but not before activating their most successful project.
A woman with red hair and skimpy latex super hero clothes steps out of her pod and yells, “Damien! I know you’re here! Show yourself you coward!”
“Oh!” Damien says as he goes back to normal and steps out of the shadows, “This one might need more effort to kill.”
“You killed my family and many others in the name of the greater good! I will avenge their deaths by killing you!”
“Cool! A revenge fueled person. They’re the most fun to kill!”
Damien and the woman’s powers clash which brings down the facility on top of them. Despite this, they continue their fight which forms a makeshift area for them to fight in underground.
“You’re pretty good,” Damien admits, “What’s your name babe?”
“I don’t have a name anymore since you killed the person that was once me!”
“I killed you before and you somehow came back to life?”
“Yes! And you can’t kill me this ti-”
At the speed of light, Damien punches the woman’s face off then proceeds to beat the rest of it into the dirt until it is mush.
“That should kill you.”
Back on the surface, Damien decides to go to the nearby park to relax a bit and enjoy the nice weather. He sits on the bench for a few seconds before he hears the sound of rumbling.
“Huh? What the hell is-”
The woman from before comes out of the ground full formed and punching Damien in half.
“You know if I still had balls and the ability to feel physical pain then that’d hurt like a motherfucker.”
Damien quickly pulls himself together.
“I mean that’s the way it was before I got more powers and that was not fun growing your balls over and over again when they get eviscerated.”
“You’re not surprised I’m still alive?” the woman questions.
“I’ve faced a couple of people like you so you have my admiration for being one of the rare ones. How about we shake hands as a show of respect for each other’s power?”
The woman is hesitant to shake Damien’s hand, especially with that eternal smile on his face, but she eventually does. This is a trap however as Damien taps the woman’s hand with his finger tip and she instantly explodes into nothing with her blood being the only thing left of her.
“Gotcha bitch!”
With the job over and done, Damien gets a few icicle pops at a nearby ice cream truck and chills on top of building. There, the woman appears again and stands over him as he eats.
Damien notices her and asks, “Want an icicle pop?”
“Does my reappearance really not surprise you?”
“How many of powers did those scientists replicate in you?”
“Enough of them.”
“Figures. So do you want an icicle pop or not?”
“No! I want to fight you to the death!”
“What’s the point? I’ll just regenerate like you do if you even manage to ‘kill’ me.”
“I can kill you and I will!”
“Sure you can, but you have to think fast!”
Damien quickly punches her in the cunt which sends her into space.
He dusts off his hands then says, “That should do it. Now do you want an icicle pop?”
Thanks man. After Damien and I enjoy our frozen treats, he calls it a day after not noticing any crime or evildoing in the surrounding area.
“Or at least crime that I bother to pay attention to like small crimes.”
He goes home after picking up ice cream for his house and sits down to enjoy TV until the woman-
“Hold on there. Hey babe, can I call you babe? Albert won’t stop saying ‘the woman’. It’s really repetitive.”
“I don’t care what you call me!” says Babe who has just fallen from the sky and into Damien’s house.
“What do you want now?”
“The same thing as before! Your death.”
“Right…well this is getting tiresome so I’ll do this.”
Damien blows knockout gas into Babe’s face and she instantly falls down. When she awakens, she sees that she’s chained in a coffin that’s made of materia ficta, the strongest material in the universe. It isn’t exactly a difficult material for Damien to break, but he has to pull his fist back to do it, something Babe is unable to do in the confined space. The two are also on Mars.
“Ok Babe,” Damien says as he gets ready to bury her alive, “If I can’t kill you and you’re not going to stop, then there’s only one form of justice available to you…incarceration.”
“NO!” she screams in absolute fear, “I don’t want it to end like this!”
“It’s going to have to. Oh, and here’s a parting gift.”

He cuts his arm and turns it into acid which slowly melts Babe.  She screams before he closes the coffin and buries her alive.

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