Abandoning Suffering: Chapter 4 – Eating the Fruit of Good and Evil

“Their screams are like music to me.

I will not hear their plea.

I have suffered too much.

My actions are not to be judged.

I seek everlasting victory,

that I will find in their misery.”

-          From the Psalms of Retribution

Chapter 4 – Eating the Fruit of Good and Evil

“It’s not too late to turn back,” the voice of comfort says.

“This is the only way forward,” says the cold voice.

“You know this isn’t right.”

“You know that this is the best way to make things right.”

“Your own happiness isn’t what you should be most concerned about. Think about the other people.”

“What you think matters comes first. You’ve suffered for too long and you deserve your reward.”

The back and forth of the voices in Eliza’s head causes her to question and affirm her actions at the same time until she passes out over her exhaustion. When she wakes up, she finds herself wrapped in a blanket and a pillow under her head.

“You were shivering when you fell asleep so I got the pillow and blanket for you from the boxes on the carriage,” Valerius says.

“Thank you,” Eliza says while taking off the blanket and unconsciously making her arms hold her.

“If you’re still cold, then leave the blanket on.”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem like it. Do you want to talk about something?”

“No, I don’t. I have nothing to talk about.”

“But I do. Do you think we might be going about this all the wrong way? For all the freedom we give, the more lives are taken by the judgment of the individual and by us. We’ve all taken so many lives in a single day and I’m not sure if it was good for their souls.”

“I have no regrets about what we’re doing.”

“I didn’t ask if you did. You can tell me if you did something that you regret and I can tell you mine.”

Eliza thinks about asking Valerius whether or not he hears the same voices he does because of what he said to Lucian, but she tosses it aside as coincidence and says nothing until she thinks about it again then says, “We’ll talk later, but not now. I don’t know what to say yet.”

“Alright. I’m here to hear it whenever you’re ready.”

“Thank you.” Eliza’s arms stop holding her. “Anyways, back to business. What’s this thing that we’re getting?”

“Some kind of blessed object that looks like fruit that gives out god-like abilities. It is rumored to be the very fruit that our ancestors ate of when they committed the first sin.”

“Is it guarded?”

“I imagine it would be because of its importance. It’s probably guarded now more than ever because of the radical change in who holds the power. We’re likely going to face people who have been blessed by the fruit so we’re going to be facing some tough opponents.”

“You don’t need me to babysit you on this, do you?”

“Haha! I don’t know what’s funnier; you implying that I need help facing false god worshippers or you trying to be light-hearted for once.”

Valerius and Eliza arrive at their destination, which is a large black tower hidden within a mountain. They approach it with caution since they don’t see any lookouts or guards in the area nor around the archer towers and buildings that surround the black tower. Going into it, they find that the place is not just completely dark, but no light from the outside can brighten the shadows within it. Eliza tries breaking holes in the tower to let her see better, but no amount of light can cast away the dark. Then, the floor sinks below Valerius while Eliza mysteriously ascending. Both of them attack the area around them until they manage to attack a few people in the dark that seem to be pulling them down or up respectively.

“I can take care of myself, Eliza! Watch out for yourself!” Valerius says as he descends further into the darkness of the tower until he disappears.

Eliza is alone now and no matter where she punches, she can’t make an exit for herself nor hit her invisible enemies.

“I knew you were coming and what you’re here for,” a masculine female voice says that sounds like multiple voices in one.

“I don’t care who you are. Give us what we want and we may spare your lives,” Eliza responds while trying to reach out to whoever is speaking.

“I may not be omnipotent, but I can guess at what you really want. It comes with the blessing that you are seeking and being a descendent of St. Matteo.”

“I hate what that man has done. It’s no wonder why you have such dark powers.”

“Though it may be literally dark, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t holy. Observe.”

Everything around Eliza changes as she sees that she’s back on her farm, but her husband is happy and children are playing in the fields. Children that she wanted to have. People pass by and make small talk to her despite her not saying back to them and her parents come to say hello and talk as if they never hated her.

“This…this isn’t real.”

“It is what you want from what I’ve seen and heard. I’ve heard Lucian’s grand speeches that made you think you were doing the right thing. I’ve also heard the sound of two invisible voices in your head, but they’re muffled to me. One sounds divine while the other sounds hateful. Is that the voice of God and the Deceiver in your head?”

“What would you know about that? St. Matteo, his allies, and their descendants brought so much suffering into the world that it’s obvious that you don’t know the difference between good and evil.”

“I may be a sinner, but I am well versed in what is good and what is evil unlike most of the people that you met at my home, the capital. I understand it because I chose to isolate myself here with the other faithful to guard this divine blessing that God gave to us.”

“You guard it and keep it to yourselves instead of sharing it with those in need. You are selfish and corrupt. Why do you even bother to talk to me?”

“Because I know this isn’t what you want. You want a simple comfortable life. You want to be loved. You want someone to care for your sufferings.”

“Shut up! You don’t know me,” Eliza says as she frantically reaches out in the hopes of finding whoever is speaking to her.

“I know that you’re a simple farm girl who thinks all this violence will get her what she wants, but in the end, the violence will only put you back where you were.”

“Shut up!”

“Listen to the voice and God and shut out the Deceiver. It’s not too late.”

“This is the only way forward!”

“You know this isn’t right.”

“I know that this is the best way to make things right!”

“Your own happiness isn’t what you should be most concerned about. Think about the other people that you’re hurting.”

“What I think matters comes first. I’ve suffered for too long and I deserve my reward.”

In Eliza’s frantic reaching out, she grabs something and rips it away. She hears screaming in that direction and punches whatever it is. The darkness in the tower then ceases to exist as Eliza can finally see what’s around her. She’s pulled away a feminine mask with what feels to be a face attached to it, but she throws it away because of how disgusting it is. Looking at what she punched, she sees that she’s punched whoever was talking to her into a pulp, which makes it nearly impossible to identify who they were. Valerius runs up the stairs behind Eliza and sees what she did.

“I guess you found whoever made the tower dark,” he says, “I took care of everyone else.”

Valerius' outfit and mask are cut up and covered in blood with some of it being his own. Eliza doesn’t say anything and looks around the room for what they’re looking for and finds a round artifact that’s decorated in a colorful assortment of jewels with indentations on it that make it appear that someone bit it.

“I guess this is what we were looking for,” Eliza says.

“It looks like what the rumors said it would look like. I haven’t found anything downstairs like it so it must be it,” Valerius says.

“Good. Let’s get out of here.”

“Are you okay, Eliza?”

Again, Eliza is silent and Valerius tries to figure out what happened to her since she seems strangely affected by what happened to her, but he can’t put his finger on what to ask her. When they enter the carriage again, he tries talking to her and finds that she has fallen back to sleep with the pillow underneath her head and blanket over her as she holds herself and shivers. Valerius tries to touch her to feel if she’s cold or not and one of her arms slaps him away. At this moment, he feels the cold touch of the arms. He wonders if these arms are the same temperature as her or if these arms are the cause of making her feel cold.