Chapter 2 – A Clown like Me
“We’re here. Safe and sound,” the
carriage driver says.
“Thank you for the ride,” I say.
“Good luck in your endeavors and
don’t forget that I’ll give you a free ride if you need it!”
“I’ll be sure to.”
It’s not like I need free rides
since the people I help generously tip me and I have worked for places that
have hired me to sing and paid me well for doing so. Now that I mention it, it’s
the primary reason why I’m here. I heard there was a circus around here called
the Circus of Fools that’s been helping people but has fallen stale in recent times
and the people around the area have suffered as a result. It’s also said that
the leader of this circus is a musician so our Heart Absolute abilities may
revitalize the people in this area when combined. After talking to the people in
the area, it’s not hard to find it.
To be honest, I could’ve wandered
around for a bit and still managed to find it. This is because of all the
colorful lights that shine from it and how big the rainbow tent is. There are clowns
outside of the tent that entice people to come in by using their abilities to
impress. One person can multiply themselves three times, another can summon
many animals to perform tricks in the air, and yet another can make fireworks
come out of their hands to form pictures in the sky. Seeing these and many more
talents shown off here reminds me of the uniqueness in everyone and what the Absolute
has given them. It also reminds me that the people here using Heart Absolute
abilities are another thing that makes them unique as not many people in the neutral
zone have access to them yet. I’ve also heard of circuses and carnivals ran by
the conceited, but those are usually fronts for some kind of malicious activity or
just done to make money rather than to entertain and serve their customers.
Unlike the conceited, the people here have been crowned by their customers and
the Absolute whereas the conceited have crowned themselves with false glory.
Huh? In the distance, I can hear
the faint sounds of a person strumming a guitar. That must be the owner playing
her instrument. It’s said that her Heart Absolute ability is to enhance the
talents of others, however, I also feel a pull from her music. No, that’s not
right. I think it’s the Absolute pulling me in her direction. As I am able to
read hearts, I can also sometimes feel or hear the call of the Absolute when He
wants me to go in a certain direction.
Sure, enough when I find the leader
of the circus, my heart feels moved in a way that feels unnatural and natural
at the same time. The leader of the circus is a woman dressed as a clown in
black and white with a small crown on her head and a black and white guitar in
her hands. When our eyes meet, it’s like the feeling of completing a puzzle
long overdue. For a few moments, we stare at each other in silence as our
hearts communicate and we try to decipher the meaning of this setup.
“You must be Nelson,” she calmly
says.
“Good guess. How did you know?” I
ask while taking a seat in the room.
“Your heart told me. Also, there’s
word of a clown named Nelson with half his face painted two shades of red and
his hair being orange and light gold going around helping people and exorcising
the vainglory, so I’m sure a lot of people in this part of the world would easily
be able to recognize you.”
“And if your heart is telling me
correctly, you’re Polline. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“What do I owe the honor of a celebrity
like you visiting this humble circus?”
“I heard you are in need of help,
so I’m answering the call.”
A look of joy fills Polline’s face.
“That’s so great to hear! Name your
price.”
“Just enough for the basic necessities
and a place to rest my head. I won’t ask for much, especially since I hardly
deserve what I have now.”
“I’ve heard you’re on a path of
penance and I’ve also heard that you’d done enough to make up for what you’ve
done.”
“I wouldn’t say that I’ve made up for
everything. The past still haunts me to this day.”
“It’s nothing you should worry
about since it’s already set. To be frank with you if I can, the future is what
scares me.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because it’s always uncertain. You
may have planned everything out, but something comes up that you didn’t or
wouldn’t know to account for and it ruins your plans. For example, I thought I could
keep growing this circus and keep the people in the area happy, and then the
vainglory grew their influence, took a lot of people away from me, and
poisoned the lands with their conceited followers.”
“But we can do something about it
now, especially with my singing.”
“Yes, and I am overjoyed and
thankful for you and the Absolute’s graces. Still, it seemed like the vainglory
would have their way and our circus would close within the year or sooner given
how rapidly their influences have been spreading.”
“This is why you shouldn’t worry
about the future. Something bad may come along, but something good will
eventually too. That’s why I have my hope in the future. With the past,
everything is set and you can’t do anything to change it.”
“But that’s what I like about the
past. It’s already set. You now know what not to do and what you should do and
are able to do something with that. The future, however, can never be
completely set no matter how much is done to secure it.”
“How about we agree to leave the
past and future in the Absolute’s hands?”
“I’m trying my best to do that. Easier
said than done.”
“I know. That’s why we should focus
on the present. Together and tonight, we do our best to leave the past behind
us and make our future bright. What do you think?”
“I think that’s a great idea. Read
my mind to the letter actually. Do you have a good song planned for today too?”
“I do. I’ll go over it with you so
you’ll know how to play.”
“Let’s get some practice in then.”
While practicing, Polline and I
find that we don’t really need as much practice as we think. Since we’re able
to tell what the other heart is doing, we perform nearly in sync as if we were members
of the same band reuniting to play an old song we made together. It feels incredibly
natural to play with her and our hearts sing together almost as if…almost as if
our hearts were made for one another. This revelation comes to us at the same
time to the point where I think I hear her realize it in my own heart and mind.
We stare at each other unable to know what to say to each other until one of
the clowns comes to tell us that the show is going to start soon. Together, we
think that we’ll talk about this after the show.
More people than usual appear at today’s
show since word of my arrival has spread throughout the town according to one
of the clowns. Well, I guess I have to do better than my best to live up to my
reputation. I also must do great for Polline. The sight of the large crowd is
lifting her heart as if it is flying while the fear of letting them down is
keeping it from taking flight entirely.
Putting my hand on her shoulder, I
say, “We won’t let them down.”
“You’re right,” Polline says as she
grabs her guitar and her spirits lift, “Let’s give them a show they’ll never
forget.”
With that and Polline’s beginning
guitar solo, the show begins. Many of the clowns do their acts as I start to
sing.
“Welcome one and all!
Pick yourselves up and stand tall!
Behold our marvelous celebration
Full of happiness and wonderous
sensations
We are the mad,
We are the glad,
We are lovers of the truth,
We are the rebellious youth
All are welcome to the Circus of
Fools
Full of sinners, we don't follow
their rules
Stand up for your rights,
Don't fear the night
We fight side by side
Come with us on this wild ride
In this Circus of Fools
Welcome all extremists
Welcome all the outcasts
Don't let them get to you, don't
let them take your heart
By our love, we set ourselves apart
We are the mad,
We are the glad,
We are lovers of the truth,
We are the rebellious youth
All are welcome to the Circus of
Fools
Full of sinners, we don't follow
their rules
Stand up for your rights,
Don't fear the night
We fight side by side
Come with us on this wild ride
In this Circus of Fools
We're freaks in their eyes
Because we don't believe their lies
Keep celebrating truth and love
Be yourself, a shining light from
above
Because we're a Circus of Fools
Nobody's tools”
The crowd cheers and claps while
standing and jumping in excitement. Polline’s heart is flying without anything
holding it down and I feel much the same. Soon after, the ending performances
play out, but the people want an encore, so Polline and I give them one by
singing the same song again and all the clowns join in by doing their performances but better and more extravagant. All throughout
our performance, I can feel people’s hearts lighten like Polline’s and even the
hands of the vainglory leave them as well. The vainglory have sent their spies
here to check on us. I’ll have to tell Polline about this, which I’m sure she’ll
want to talk about as well. After the encore is done and the crowd leaves, most
of the clowns go back to their tents to rest and celebrate a job well done
while some stay behind to clean up.
Polline hugs me and says, “Thank
you so much! This is the best turnout and reaction we got from the crowd in
months. We couldn’t have done it without you.”
“I’m happy to have made it happen,
but you and everyone else also did their irreplaceable part. Now I know why you
and your family of clowns are so popular and loved. Where will I be staying
tonight?” I ask.
“You’ll be staying in my room. I
mean. We don’t have any more tents or beds because we need to buy one for you,
so that’s where you’ll have to stay.”
“Your room?”
“Yes. You’ll be sleeping on the couch,
so don’t be getting any impure ideas.”
“I’m fine with that and there are
no impure thoughts in my mind.”
Polline and I go into her room. She lays
on her bed while I lay down on the couch both of us tired, but still filled
with a seemingly unending happiness that fills us with energy that makes us feel
like we can do the performance all over again.
“So, the conceited and the
vainglory were here,” I say cutting straight to business.
“Yeah, but they didn’t manage to do
anything this time,” Polline says, “They usually sour our performances somehow
with their corrupting presence or some cursed power that they have. With you on
board, I feel like they’ll never ruin our performances again and this land of
lukewarm people will finally be purified.”
Land of the Lukewarm definitely sounds
like a better name for this land than the neutral zone.
“They’ll probably send more people
now that you’re a stronger threat to them.”
“It’s true that I feel worried
about that, however, we’ll deal with them when the time comes. For now, we’ll
rest in our victory and keep giving great performances for the people.”
“Yeah. I guess that’s all we can do
for now.”
Dinner is brought to us by a clown
couple that can cook and we eat together.
“I’m curious,” Polline says.
“Curious about what?” I ask.
“The feeling between our hearts. I
know you feel it too. I’ve even heard you think about it as if your thoughts
were my own. Isn’t that what happens between people who love one another?”
“Technically, anyone can read the
heart of another, but it’s easier for people who can read and heal the hearts
of others.”
“But is that all that it is between
us? Our hearts interacting with one another feels like second nature.”
“I know. I…I’m finding it hard to
admit what I know.”
“Why’s that?” Of all the things I’ve
done, why does this feel like the hardest thing I’m about to do? “I know what
you mean.”
“I guess my back is against the
wall with no way out, huh? Yes, our hearts were made for each other and not in
a friends forever or familial sort of way. Our hearts are meant to be…”
“Romantically in love.” How could
someone like me deserve someone like her? “Why do you think that?”
“Because of my past. I know I shouldn’t
let it put me down, but I can’t help the feeling.”
“If you want to talk about feeling
unworthy of something, then let’s talk about my past. I came from two parents
dedicated to the Absolute. My father played the bass while my mother played the
piano. The two sang and played with other performers for a small crowd in our
town and they’re still probably playing for the same crowds to this day. I,
some of the children of their friends, and more decided to follow our hearts
like they did, and somehow, we have bigger crowds. What we do differently is lost
on me either than our different abilities. All of us feel like our fame should’ve
been given to our families first, and yet, here we are and the crowds of our
families have hardly grown at all.”
“The Absolute decides who holds
power, who is famous, and who isn’t regardless of effort, talent, and wisdom.”
“Isn’t that all too true? Now, I
won’t look into your heart to see the exact things that you’ve done, I can hardly
sense them since your penance has wiped out most traces of it. Just promise me
that you won’t let it bother you.”
“I promise you that. Will you
promise me that you won’t let the future bother you?”
“I promise you.”
Our hearts somehow feel closer than
ever and because of it, Polline and I kiss. For the rest of the night, we sit
on the couch enjoying each other’s company, talking about funny and fun
memories, until we fall asleep on one another. A perfect ending to a perfect
day.
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