Chapter 3 – The Burden of Others’
Faults
Days like this I can hardly stand. Criminals
are sent here and to other places to serve their penance and be better people. My
role in it is similar to helping their victims, however, it’s different by
miles. These people aren’t all repentant and the things that cause them pain
and worry aren’t exactly things one should worry about. When I complain about
helping these people, I am reminded by a voice in my head of my own sinful
behavior and that I typically regard myself as less than worthless so I keep
quiet. Thankfully, I’ve been able to do my job from afar, but this time, I’ll
be closer to them because of my new ability.
The kingdom I’m working for is big
on redemption and its people always tell stories of villains and the worst sinners
becoming the best saints. Even though I’m actually feeling optimistic for the
first time in a while, I have my doubts that most of the criminals I’ve talked
to and will talk to will regret the evil that they’ve done. Sure, I’ve managed
to change despite my previous thoughts, however, not everyone is the same and
there are those who would rather be damned than change. Well, I guess if the
Absolute was patient with me, then I have to try with others.
“Bring them in,” the warden of the
prison says.
When I get my first look at the
prisoners, I see what I’m afraid of. I see men and women who wish they were
free so they could entertain their vices. Hearing what they regret and are
upset over is sickening. One wishes they could kill their way out of here. Another
lusts over one of the guards and wants to keep them in a place where they can
do whatever they want with them for days on end. Yet another is impatiently
waiting to break out with the help of a traitor among the prison guards. I tell
the other guards about this traitor who is quickly arrested and interrogated by
others who can read hearts to find more possible traitors.
It’s useless trying to take the
pain away from some of these criminals. I take away their pain and they hurt
themselves again with their yearnings for sin. For some reason, this doesn’t
discourage me and I delve deeper into their hearts to try to help them. That
is when I feel their conceited heart. A cold, dead thing that’s black and full
of holes. Corruption has given it multiple mouths, one that constantly talks
about its craving for sin while the other’s voice that cries out for truth is
silent in comparison. The heart has dirty golden spikes that make it hard to
embrace and are almost like a crown.
Common among the hearts of the
conceited is the voice of the vainglory. Hearing these demonic whispers is
maddening. It reminds me of when I was torturing people with Griffen, the many
gifts I was given, and even the sick satisfaction I got out of breaking good people.
I made them grovel before us because I wanted to feel like the least bad piece
of trash and that the strong were exposed to be as weak as me. I wanted to feel
rewarded, loved, and that I was irreplaceable at times, but the truth is that I
never was. Even though the temptations are whispering to me again, remembering
the shallow reward of my sins and the strangely invaluable peace that I now
have pulls me back from giving into them. For a second there, I considered killing
many just by looking at them and taking over this city for myself. Thanks be to
the silent voice of the Absolute for snapping me out of it.
What am I even thinking? I’m going to
need a break soon or else my exhaustion may get to me. No one wants to change.
Not one bit. These people are too proud. Too confident in their own strength and
false truths. What am I even going to do? It’d be better if they talked to a
priest or had the Absolute break them down and question their false view of
reality that they trust so much. I’m useless here, and again, I’m beginning to
think that I’m useless no matter what I do.
What’s the point of helping people
feel better if they don’t change for the better? No, wait stop thinking like
that! I’m beginning to hate both my new positive thoughts and my negative ones.
I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. Oh, no. The prisoners that my heart is
affecting are now getting rowdy. Since I can’t do anything to stop it, the prison
guards bring in people who can and lead me to a safe place where I’m supposed to
stay until things settle down.
I can’t believe I lost my nerve
there or maybe I shouldn’t be. Me making mistakes is normal after all. It’s
normal for everyone, but me…no, I shouldn’t think that I’m completely worthless.
There’s no use in it.
“Leave this guy in the cell. He won’t
go anywhere,” I hear a guard say.
Looking to see who they’re taking
in, I’m surprised to see one man that I never thought I’d see again come in. It’s
a man whose name is Nixon who was essentially the king I used to work for who
forced Griffen and me to do his dirty work. He had power over the other self-proclaimed
kings and queens because his minions made us work for him. The last time I saw
him, I killed him and made him feel that he defecated himself to death, but our
surprise rescuers with hearts of gold convinced Griffen and me to spare him and
the other masters. Right now, Nixon appears to be in a work condition than when
I left him.
Why I’m looking at him despite my
feelings of hatred towards him, I do not know. He’s in a pitiable state with a
tear stained face of fear and sleep deprived eyes. While looking around as if
looking for an assassin, Nixon finally notices me, screams, and backs into a
corner with his hands raised up.
“Have mercy on me! Have mercy on
me, Pasito! I’m sorry!” he screams out.
The guards come over to see what’s
going on. Seeing that nothing is happening, they tell me to be careful with
Nixon. One even whispers to me that it would be better if I put this pathetic once
great villain out of his misery before they go back outside of the hallway.
“What are you talking about?” I ask
Nixon.
“I’m sorry for your arms! I set up
those bandits to attack you so that when I saved you, you’d be in debt to me!”
“That was you who set that up?”
“Yes, and I’m sorry! I’m sorry also
for what I put Griffen and you through! I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
to everyone! I’m sorry, Absolute, for doubting your power!”
What got into him? Judging from the
voice of his heart, it looks like his confession is genuine. Talking to the
guards, I find out that they don’t know what happened to him either. His entire
kingdom and everything that he’s built up has been destroyed and is still being
broken down so it makes sense that this has something to do with it. He’s been
humbled by the Absolute, a person that I never expected to apologize for anything.
It’s weird to think this, but I feel pity for him despite what he’s done to me
and the world. I have this feeling in my chest that wants to help him, however,
there’s nothing I really can do except for one thing.
Approaching his cell, I swallow my
previous feelings of him as if I’m swallowing a rock, and then say, “Nixon, I
forgive you.”
He looks at me with astonishment
and new life in his dead eyes before slowly approaching me.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
“Of course I’m sure. I don’t hold
your crimes against you anymore.”
Nixon then begins to cry before
reaching through the cell’s bars to hug me. The guards come, but I tell them it’s
okay.
“Bless you, bless you a thousand
times and more, Pasito!” Nixon says while crying.
“Okay, okay. Get off. Thank the
Absolute. I have done nothing more than give you my forgiveness,” I say.
“But it’s a treasure worth more
than the many kingdoms I once conquered. Nevertheless, you are right.”
Turning around, Nixon throws
himself to the ground to kiss it and thank the Absolute for everything he now
has. I can feel his heart lightening, becoming warm, and filled with light. My
own heart feels lighter as if I was unknowingly carrying a heavy weight.
“Hey, Pasito. The prisoners are
calm now. Are you ready? You look it,” one of the guards says.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re smiling.”
“I am? I tend to unintentionally do
that nowadays.”
“Regardless, it’s good to see that
and Nixon not screaming and jumping at shadows. What did you do to him?”
“Me? Nothing other than forgive him.
It was all the Absolute.”
“You forgave that thing in the
cell?”
“I know. I surprised myself too.”
The rest of the day goes better
than I expected and some of the prisoners even repent like how Nixon did, which
surprises me and makes me happy. Happiness. It made me happy? I never thought
that helping these people would and despite the prisoners that are still obstinate
in their sin, I feel strangely hopeful that they will one day change. Speaking
of that, what changed in me? Maybe the question I should be asking is what went
back to normal.
I feel as if I came home from a
long journey. My heart feels more complete than ever now. Is this what it feels
like to be myself? Is this who I’m meant to be? Despite the fact that it means
embracing the suffering of everyone I meet, I no longer fear or hate it. I now
know what it means to suffer for someone else’s sake. What it means to love
someone else despite their flaws is crystal clear. But what if I fail again? No
one becomes perfect in this life after all.
“I will be with you as I have
always been,” the voice of the Absolute rings in my ear.
Of course. How stupid of me to
forget that. Oh well. There’s nothing for me left to do besides keep doing what
I’m meant to and remind people that no one is worth less than nothing and
everyone is loved by the Absolute, which is a gift worth more than everything
in the world.
The End
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