Salvation Through War: Chapter 3 – Kindling a New Kind of Fire

Chapter 3 – Kindling a New Kind of Fire

Zephan was right. I wasn’t ready at all for this next challenge.

“It’s way too cold here!” I say as I shiver.

“I told you that it would be tough. Where’s that unshakable look of determination that you had a few minutes ago while walking through the forests?” Zephan mockingly asks.

“Oh, shut up! I thought it wouldn’t take too long to get used to it, but it’s been hours and I feel worse, if anything else.”

“You’re right. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to travel at night when it’s colder.”

As we travel farther in the cold, we find a cave near a hill. Even when we set up a fire and sit near it, I still feel bone-chillingly cold and am about to use a fire spell to strengthen and further warm myself up until Zephan stops me.

“Save your strength. Casting that spell will only give you temporary relief from the cold until you get tired and it wears off causing you to suffer more from the cold. Trust me that I and many others have tried to warm ourselves with fire spells only to suffer for it later,” Zephan says.

“What do you suggest I do then? Tough out the cold? You don’t look like you’re dealing with it too well either,” I say.

“You’re right, I’m still not completely used to it despite having just come out of it days ago. The thought came to me that I should’ve brought jackets, but none of the ones I had were fire-resistant nor easy to carry around. Also, it would’ve been too hot to wear them in Canis.”

“At this point, I would’ve gladly dealt with that so I can deal with this cold.”

“Well, there is another way to deal with the cold.” Zephan gets up and sits behind me with his legs near mine. He then wraps his arms around me and embraces me into his chest. “Come on. Come closer. Don’t you want to get warmer?”

I mean, ‘I already am’ is what I want to say but can’t speak any words for a few seconds because of what is suddenly happening. I can’t even look Zephan in the face because I don’t want to show how red my face must be.

“I-I…is this okay?” I finally manage to say.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Freya, do you know what you are to me? Look at me.”

“What?” I ask while turning my eyes to look at Zephan.

“You’re more than a student and a friend. Freya, I love you.” I struggle even more now to come up with words and look at Zephan’s honest and calm smiling face. “I know you must share the same feelings because of how you acted around me during our experiences together.”

“I…I…”

“Haha, a fierce soldier like you who doesn’t back down from a fight is completely paralyzed by a confession of love?”

“Yes! I mean. Why wouldn’t I be? Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“It was too early even when you graduated school and I didn’t want to ask in Canis because I thought this would be a better place too. Despite the cold, this region has beautiful scenery, doesn’t it? Just look at the green trees, lush flowers, and starry night sky filled with stars.”

“You’re right. I’ve never seen the stars clearly because of the smoke constantly covering the Canis skies.”

“You’ve also never known a calm peaceful land like this one.” Zephan holds me even closer. “Freya, my experiences here have made me crave a peaceful life free of all war and conflict and I want you to live that life with me.”

“Huh?” I say as I feel some of my senses coming back to me. “What about training to become a soldier? It’s my God-given calling.”

“It’s what everyone in Canis told you to do because you’re good at fighting. Canis’ main trade is war and making weapons of war, so why would they show you other lifestyles beyond it?”

“Because Canis is what holds back the tide of ratmen, the barbarity of the beastmen, and brings justice to bandits and criminals all across these lands.”

“But is that the life you want? Do you really want to keep fighting all your life until your death?”

“It’s what I promised I would do.”

“Did you make that promise with all your heart? Did you really dig deep and know for sure that it’s what you want?”

“I did. What better choice could I have made? Why did you even get permission to train me to be a soldier if you wanted me to abandon that pursuit?”

“I needed a good reason to get you out of Canis so I could talk to you like this. Look at the starry sky and live in this moment. It’s a peace unlike anything you’ve ever felt before, right? I am giving you the chance to live a peaceful and happy life with me. What do you think?”

As I look up at the sky and think, I can’t help but think of staying with Zephan and nothing more. My desire to become a soldier and fight for all my life is slowly fading away as my desire to stay in this moment forever increases. Lord God, what decision should I make? Should I follow my heart or my calling, if it ever was my calling?

In a state like this in the arms of someone I love, what else can I answer except, “I will. I’ll join you and give up wanting to be a soldier because I trust you and…I love you, Zephan.”

“I love you, Freya.”

This is the first time I’ve ever seen Zephan cry and he’s crying while smiling. He then kisses me on the lips and holds me even tighter. For the rest of the night, we rest by the fire in each other’s arms. If giving up my calling as a soldier means living every night like this, then I gladly give it up. I’ve never felt happier in my life than I do now. The next morning comes too early and Zephan tries to get up while I try to hold him down.

“Can’t we sleep a little longer?” I ask trying not to make it obvious I want to cuddle more.

“No, we have to head into town to get ourselves some jackets. You don’t want to stay this cold, do you?” Zephan says.

“No, I don’t.”

I want to say that I won’t be cold if you hold me more, but I change my mind, don’t say anything else as I get up, and follow Zephan to the town he’s marked on his map. It still feels like last night was a dream because of what happened and said. I want to ask him if he loves me just to hear it again and confirm his feelings for me, but I know that my waking up in his arms confirms what I know to be true. Despite it being morning with a cloudless sky, the sun hardly provides any more warmth than the fire we slept by can. Because of this, we pick up our pace, head into town, and go inside the tailor that Zephan knows.

The coats we are sold are large, furry, and also cheap since it’s apparently the spring season. I didn’t even really notice but everyone outside is wearing short-sleeved shirts. It feels awkward even walking around with these coats on and even more awkward when my hand touches Zephan as I walk close to him.

“Ah, I’m sorry,” I say.

“Why should you be?” Zephan says as he holds my hand. “We’re officially a couple now. We should be holding hands, right?”

“Yeah. Right.” It’s admittedly nice holding hands with Zephan and it brings a smile to both of our faces. “Now, what do we do?”

“We should get some breakfast and then see what to do from there. Remember that this is the start of a peaceful life for us. There’s no need to worry about training or chasing after sinners to bring to justice.”

“Oh, that’s right.”

Zephan brings me to a restaurant where he is known by its owner and cooks. It’s weird being recognized as his girlfriend and from what I hear from their conversation, he’s talked to them about me and wanting to be with me. It’s also weird having my food being provided for me again, but the company, food, and fruit-flavored drinks are good and appreciated. The food and flavored drinks are especially good since I’ve never tasted food that was so different before. After we finish, we say our goodbyes and leave.

With that done, Zephan decides that we should walk around town taking in the sights and browsing the stores. Since I don’t have any better ideas, I agree and let him guide me around. The town is larger than most that I’ve seen in Canis and more peaceful since no one is getting into a fight or sparring in the streets. Many of the statues and pieces of art in the stores and churches are beautiful and don’t usually depict warriors or scenes of battle or violence. Even though there are blacksmiths in town, the main trades here are food, furniture, art, and places that sell card and board games and have people casually playing the game in the stores.

In one area of the town, we find a river where people are eating and socializing around. I’ve never seen water like this before that’s so reflective and cold to touch. It’s admittedly the only thing Canis lacks since the only water we can find is underground in a few places scattered around the region. Zephan decides that we should sit around here especially since a band has just started playing their music for the crowds and I agree, but I kind of regret it later since Zephan makes me dance with me to the music with the crowds. Still, I have to admit that it was a fun experience. Once that’s done, we visit a flower shop. Because I grew up in a place where all the flowers could kill or eat me, it surprises me that none of these are harmless and smell nice rather than poisonous.

“Did you find anything you like?” Zephan asks.

“Was I supposed to be picking something out?” I ask.

“No, but I’ll buy you the flowers that you like and make something special out of them. What do you think?”

“I guess I don’t have a reason to refuse.”

After picking out the flowers I like, Zephan and the lady who runs the shop make a beautiful crown of flowers for me.

“Thank you for giving this to me, but I’m already wearing something special on my head,” I say.

“I want you to get rid of it,” Zephan says.

“Huh? Why should I?”

“You’re not going to be a soldier for Canis anymore so there’s no reason to wear it.”

“Oh, that’s right.”

I take off the metal crown and look at it for a few seconds before handing it to Zephan.

“We’ll take this to a blacksmith who can melt it and make it into something useful for the townspeople,” Zephan says. “Put the crown of flowers on.”

I do as he says and look into the mirror that the shopkeeper gives me.

“You look cute,” the lady says.

“Cute? Me?” I ask.

The thought of looking cute and even the word sounds strange to me despite knowing what a cute thing is and looks like.

“We’ll have to get you more than a coat to match your new appearance. I should’ve thought of that before getting you the crown,” Zephan says.

We then go back to the place where we got the coats and get a completely new change of clothes for both of us. Now, I really feel strange in such colorful clothes. I wear a green and white long-sleeved shirt, a long green skirt, and brown boots while Zephan wears a white shirt, blue pants, and dark blue boots. Again, I’m called cute and still don’t feel that way.

“Is something wrong?” Zephan asks.

“It feels weird being called cute. It doesn’t feel right for some reason,” I say.

“It’s probably because of the black warpaint that’s permanently stuck on your face. Still, I think you look cute and the shopkeepers we’ve seen agree with me, so don’t worry about it.”

The sun is now setting in the sky so Zephan and I go back to the restaurant we were at and have dinner together.

“What do you think so far?” Zephan asks.

“I don’t know what to think. I’m definitely enjoying myself if nothing else,” I admit.

“That’s good to hear. You’ll get used to it after some time. Tomorrow we’ll start working at the blacksmith who I know and who we’ll give the crown to.”

“We’re going to work there?”

“It’s either that, the farms, or the flower gardens, and know that you have more experience with weapons than with taking care of the vegetables and fruits native to this land.”

“You’re right. Thank you for everything, Zephan.”

“It’s my pleasure and honor to make you happy.”

Zephan and I kiss now and kiss goodnight at the inn we’re staying at, a place whose owner Zephan knows, of course. For the next five days, I work with Zephan at the blacksmith making weapons, testing them out, and even sparring with the guards on occasion since they were curious as to how a person from Canis fights. I manage to surprise both the blacksmith and some of his customers when I touch the hot metal without getting hurt when we’re making weapons, which is funny to both me and Zephan. There is no work on Sunday so we go to mass in our Sunday best and are enjoying a nice breakfast with the friends we’ve made until a horn suddenly blares and the guards tell everyone to hide because of a bandit attack.

I say, “Zephan, shouldn’t we-”

“I know, I know. We’ll help out the guards when we get everyone to safety. Do you still have your sword and crystal with you?” Zephan asks.

“I never go anywhere without them.”

“Good, me too. I’m glad you remembered my advice despite our circumstances.”

Zephan and I barely manage to get our friends and the other citizens to the nearest church before we hear sounds of fighting and explosions. Running to the source, we see that the bandits have broken through the gates with their magic, specifically fire magic. When I catch sight of the bandits, I see that they are mostly comprised of people from Canis as evidenced by their orange and yellow eyes and war paint on their faces. It’s then that I remember my hatred towards those who betray their homes and kingdoms in pursuit of personal goals and glory that are in contrast to God’s will.

“Traitors!” I yell out before unleashing a rain of fire upon the bandits.

The fire engulfs those who aren’t from Canis and burns them to ash while those who are suffer only minor burns, their advance is stopped for a moment, and then resumes just as I close the distance with my sword lit up with fire and start hacking away at them one after the other. Despite not having trained or fought for days, my training comes back to me as I can fight these bandits like I used to and cut them all down. Before I know it, they’re all dead even as I look for more traitors and scum of the earth to kill. With my bloodlust satiated, I take out the crystal from my sword to extinguish its flames, sheath it, and then look at my blood-soaked hands and dress. Everyone around us is cheering for us and talking about how impressed they were by how Zephan and I fought.

As I was fighting, I felt…right, if that makes sense. It’s not that I’m some lunatic who wants to kill and cause suffering, but I felt right in the fighting that I was doing as if I belonged in that moment more than I belonged in the peace of this town and region. Should I be here living a peaceful life if that’s the case?

“Freya, Freya!” Zephan says as he shakes me by the shoulder. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine. It’s just that…” I say while still looking at my hands and dress.

“Don’t worry about the dress. I’ll get you a new one or it cleaned by the tailor, whichever you’d like.”

“No, it’s not the dress I’m worried about. It’s just that…should I really live a peaceful life? I mean, it felt right for me to be fighting for the sake of the innocent as if it’s where I truly belong.”

“You can still be a soldier here protecting the people you live alongside. I mean there wasn’t any falsehood when I said you’d be a soldier, but also, I must admit that you’re going to be a different soldier to even that. In truth, I must admit that I made you live through these past days to get a taste of the peaceful life so that you’d want to fight for it. I’m sorry that I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

I stare at him for a few seconds in silence as he awaits an answer from me. With nothing better to say, I respond, “It’s okay. I still trust you.”

“Thank you, thank you so much, Freya. I promise that I’ll be completely honest from now on because tomorrow we’ll be instilling the peace we know in parts of Canis with the rest of my collaborators, but for today, we’ll rest and enjoy this peace for one last night.”

After cleaning up and changing into a new dress, Zephan and I take it easy and relax for the rest of the day as if nothing happened. The night comes and I rest in his embrace as we watch the starry night again. Remembering what a traitor is because of the bandits that attacked us today made me realize what I’m doing could be called treachery and betrayal because I’m not fulfilling my promise to my homeland, but is it really betrayal if I’m doing the will of God? Is this peaceful life what God really wants me to do? Zephan has never been untrustworthy, but he’s obfuscated the truth so that I would follow him out here. Am I blinded by my own heart or am I honestly doing the right thing? Why, God, aren’t You giving me a clear answer for something so crucial? Perhaps tomorrow will hold the answers I seek when I meet Zephan’s allies and see what he means by instilling peace in Canis.