God of my Choosing: Chapter 3 - Reality

Chapter 3 - Reality

Flying into the city of dark gods, I see that it’s an invert of the city that I came from. Instead of small buildings, this one has towering skyscrapers that almost completely hide the sky. There’s another detail about it beyond the obvious that makes it different than the other one. Why can’t I think about it despite having just left? It must be because I was always focusing on Tyler who was always by my side. He was my world. He is my world and I won’t allow the dark gods here to separate us any longer.

I use the creativity of my stories to make these dark gods start fights with one another and take their own lives as I scour the city looking for the love of my life. Every single person I meet comes to a gruesome or quick death as I yell out my demand to have Tyler or else everyone in the city will perish at my hands. Eventually, Xara steps out of the shadows and charges at me with knives in her hands. I dodge her attacks while trying to use my magic to make her stab herself, but she keeps punching me in the face, stopping me from finishing the story.

“Since when could you fly and use your magic to influence people?” Xara asks. “You’re more of a dark god than I am.”

“This is my world! My paradise and I won’t let you ruin it!” I say.

Using the extent of my magic, I tell a story that involves a noose just as one comes down from the sky and hangs Xara. She struggles to get out of it while suffocating, kicking her feet, and crying.

“Yes! Hang you, whore! Suffocate and die!” I say as the last breaths come out of Xara’s mouth.

As she hangs dead and I laugh at it, her body becomes the only thing visible to me. It then disappears and I find myself in a shed.

“No, no, no!” I say and then look into a broken antique mirror.

I see that my godlike appearance has changed back to my normal, ugly self with dark blue eyes and dirty blonde hair that’s browner than anything.

“What is going on?!” I say out loud.

A light in the dark corner of the shed shines in my face as I hear the voice that’s been telling me to wake up.

It says, “These fantasies of yours have gone on long enough. It’s time for you to live in reality again.”

“Who are you?!” I ask.

“I am the God above gods, the only and true God.”

“That can’t be true. An angel of light came to me and told me to be here and put me into the dream.”

The angel that I mention appears as a bright light in this shed, its face and body are indiscernible, but it must be an angel. It gave me the happiness I wanted.

“Yes, Giselle,” the angel says. “Go back to sleep and when the family who truly loves you discovers you here in the state you are in, they will take you in as one of their own.”

“Do not believe this devil, Giselle,” the voice from the other light says. “They are not your true family.”

“But they treat me so well! They even let me work in their restaurant, play music, and sing songs!”

“But this isn’t where you belong. They already told you that you should go back home to your real family, so you shouldn’t cause them any grief by forcing them to take you in,” ‘God’ says.

“What ‘real’ family? They’re the reason why I ran away from them in the first place! They always talk about how other kids are better at everything than me and belittle my dreams!”

“But they are proud of what you do and love you.”

“I don’t believe it when they say it. Why are you even telling me to go back to them? They don’t even take me to church anymore or practice the faith they claim to believe in.”

“Yes, that’s right, Giselle,” the angel says. “This false light is the true devil. Would God tell you to go back to a family that’s trying to drag you down to Hell with them? Would God want you to go back to a miserable reality than a happy existence in a dream?”

“I can’t promise that you’ll be happy for the rest of your life, but what I can promise is that I’ll be with you through it all and you will experience moments of joy and glimpses of the true happiness that will come afterward.”

“He is giving you a bad deal. Take mine and you will be happy forever. It’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“What I want…”

“What would Tyler want? What were you taught?” ‘God’ asks.

“Tyler…he always said to do the right thing even if it wasn’t what I wanted.” After thinking about it for a few seconds, I say, “Okay, fine! Just leave me alone!”

I get off the floor and walk as fast as I can out of the shed and into the rainy night while trying not to look back, however, I can’t help but look into my friend’s house through the window as they are eating dinner. They all look so happy together, laughing, smiling, and talking to one another about their day. My family isn’t like them and looking at them makes me feel all the lonelier so I pull myself away from the window and continue walking away. While continuing on my way home, a familiar car stops next to me, one that I try to walk away from.

“Giselle!” they say from behind me.

Turning my head around, I see Tyler and Xara behind me who look relieved to see me. As for me, I’m sick of seeing them.

“Leave me alone!” I say.

“We’ve been looking all over for you,” Xara says.

“Your parents have been worried sick about you. Where have you been these last couple of days?” Tyler asks me.

It’s only been a couple of days? It feels like I’ve lived a lifetime in the dream I was in, and yet, it also feels like I’ve only lived in the dream for mere minutes.

“Come on, we’ll drive you home,” Xara says.

“I don’t want to go back home!” I yell.

“Listen, if there’s a problem with your parents, I’m sure you can work it out with them.”

“Shut the hell up! You don’t know what I go through with them.”

“Talk to me about it then. We’re friends.”

“No, we’re not! I hate you!”

Tyler and Xara are silent for a moment.

“What? What do you mean?”

“I hate you for pretending to be my friend, stealing the heart of the man I love, and being better than me at everything! All everyone talks about is how good of a person, hard of a worker, and smart student you are while looking down at me as I do nothing but mess up all the time.”

Xara struggles to speak, so Tyler steps closer to me and says, “Giselle-”

“I don’t want to hear you say anything either! You betrayed me for her! It’s like I don’t even exist ever since you two got together. What happened to helping me through my struggles and grow in this faith that you introduced me to?”

“I’m sorry that I haven’t been there for you as much as I could. Look, I promise to help you more tomorrow. For now, let’s get you home.”

Looking at Xara, I imagine her hanging with tears on her face again, but Tyler’s kind face reminds me that I shouldn’t feel good about imagining it and tepidly agree to go home. Neither Tyler nor Xara talk to me on the drive back, so I just sit in silence like I want to, but when they drop me off, they tell me that they’ll talk to me tomorrow.

“We’re here for you, Giselle,” Tyler says.

“We really are your friends and care about you,” Xara says.

I storm off to the front door of my house while trying not to cry because I don’t want to believe what they said. Before I make it to the door, my parents open it, run out, and give me a hug.

“We’ve missed you so much!” my mom says.

“Where were you all this time?” my dad says.

Pushing past my parents, I say, “Shut up.”

My parents stop me from heading straight to my room.

“You aren’t going anywhere without telling us why you ran away,” my dad says.

“There’s no point in telling you anything. It wouldn’t matter anyway,” I say.

“Why’s that?”

“You can tell us anything, Giselle. We’re your parents-”

“Shut up! You never listen to me even when I try to ask you for help.”

“What are you talking about? You never ask us for help.”

“Shut up…” I say under my breath.

“You have to stop being so reclusive and open up to us.”

“Shut up…” I say with clenched fists.

“Please, for once, just be honest with us. Your friends-”

“Fucking shut the hell up!” I say before grabbing a family picture and throwing it against another, breaking both in the process as they collide and fall on the floor.

Now that they’re quiet, I continue by saying, “You always talk about how other kids are better at me at everything! You always say how they have their life in order while I don’t no matter how hard I try to prove otherwise! My dreams of being an artist, writer, and singer mean less than nothing to you! My beliefs don’t mean anything to you! I hate you and I don’t believe you if you say you love me or that you’re proud of me because everything else you say and do says otherwise!”

I’m really starting to cry my eyes out now even as I hold my face as if trying to keep the tears in and put the ones I’ve shed back in.

“Giselle-”

“Don’t touch me!”

“We can work this out. I’m sorry we haven’t been as open-minded to you as we should have been,” my dad says. “Tell us everything that bothers you and we’ll listen this time without interrupting or contradicting you. Help us understand why you’re so upset.”

“I don’t want to…”

“Maybe we should talk tomorrow,” my mom suggests. “I’ve made your favorite dinner, chicken parmigiana. You should eat since I’m sure you haven’t eaten in a while.”

“Okay…”

I eat my “favorite” dinner, head to my room, close the door, and immediately fall on the bed. It’s funny. I feel more alone here than I do in the shed. Being around my parents and so-called family and friends has always made me feel alone because I know that if I want to talk to them about something, they’ll either not care or not understand why I care so much about the things that interest me. This is why I didn’t want to come back home. There’s a chance that nothing will change even after the fit that I threw.

I’d like nothing more to be back in the dream, to be a god, and to live happily every second of my life, but I also see why it was wrong. What could be more godlike than defining what is true and what isn’t? I can’t be doing that when I’m the furthest thing from a god or even a good daughter, so I can do nothing more now than to hope and pray that God holds up His end of this bad deal and makes my miserable life worth living in the end.

 

The End