Clawing Back to Heaven: Chapter 2 – Old Passions

Chapter 2 – Old Passions

Pope Jude the Third hugs me and says, “I’m so glad to see you again, Priscilla!”

Jude looks a bit different than the last time that I saw him. His robes are shorter and wears armor specially made for the Pope, colored in bright gold and dark black colors. A red snake with red horns and wings that has his likeness is coming out of his left shoulder and seems to be miserable to be there. His face, like always, reminds me of Dominic, his ancestor, and my true love. Despite one of his ancestor's race mixing with a high elf, Dominic’s features are still prominent in his face such as the scar over his right eye, his green eyes, and brown hair, a sight that never gets old to me and oddly intoxicating.

“I’m not,” I say as I push him away as gently as I can. “Didn’t you read the note I left you?”

“I did but ignored it because you and the people out in the world need help.”

“Then go out and help others and leave me alone. It’s not like I can die out here and I know the proper prayers and penance to use against demons. What can of help can you offer that I need?”

“Confession and penance for one. You didn’t receive the sacrament after I saved you from yourself. It would help you deal with your demons.”

“I could confess to any priest I see and I’ve been doing nothing but penance ever since I repented.”

“But have you confessed yet?”

“No, because I haven’t had the time to. There’s no rush to anyways. As I said before, it’s not like I can die.”

“I don’t care. You’re still coming with me.”

“I can’t. Did you see that crimson mist before you arrived at the village?”

“I did and I assume that the men of Onocrotalus appeared here, right? Are any of them still around?”

“They aren’t,” I say before explaining everything the man in the mask told me.

“Then you merely prove my point that you need to receive the sacrament of Confession now.”

Jude takes my wrist and drags me off to a place outside the forest.

“Who do you think you are to drag me out here?” I ask as I pull my wrist away from him.

“A friend who should’ve been paying more attention to you and what you were going through. I thought the best place for me to be in politics as our old friend Evander suggested I should because that’s the place I did the best in, but now I know I only did good because I had his backing in every decision I made.”

“He was manipulative as he was sweet.”

“You’re right and I should asked more questions about his motives. I blame myself for allowing him to put the world under his dream reality and for you trying to do the same and putting humanity under this curse. You’ve been an invaluable friend of my family for generations and I should’ve done more for you and the Church.”

“Jude…”

“Other popes used to be on the frontlines of battle with the people that they led behind them, but all I did was sit on my throne giving orders and telling people what Evander told me to say. Priscilla. Let me make up for what I haven’t done. Let me help you.”

“Jude. You’re just like Dominic. Your attitude, and not just your face, reminds me so much of him.”

“That’s an honor to hear, but we have to focus on you now.”

For the next few minutes, I confess to Jude my many sins, none of which he bats an eye at or comments on. He simply reminds me of God’s mercy that we are all unworthy of having and that we can still obtain Heaven no matter how many sins we commit as long as we keep asking and running to His mercy.

After absolving me, he says, “Your penance is service to the Church. You’re coming with me and the rest of my soldiers to wherever we’re needed.”

“You’re just giving me this penance because you want me with you,” I say annoyedly.

Jude holds up his hand.

“You were told to follow God’s will and this is your prescribed penance, so you must do it.”

“Fine.”

“It’s going to be okay,” Jude says as he hugs me. “I’m here for you and will help us make up for both of our mistakes.”

He blames himself too much for what happened. It’s no wonder why the devil snake on his shoulder has his face. I follow Jude back to the village. After making sure everything is okay, the villagers offer to feed and give Jude and the soldiers of the Church a place to rest for the night, which they accept. We eat their homecooked meals and then stay in an inn. Since Jude thinks that I might leave him while they sleep, I share a two-bed bedroom with him.

While sleeping, I dream of Dominic, the two dream children I had with him, and the farm we had in the dream reality. We have a nice, fun, and relaxing day together, caring for the farm, playing hide-and-seek with the kids, and telling them stories of our time in the Church’s army. After eating dinner and telling the children fairy tales to put them to sleep, Dominic and I lay in our bed together. Our kiss goodnight becomes a series of kisses and then many passionate kisses as I lay on top of him and start to take his and my clothes off ready and eager to have more children.

“Wake up, Priscilla,” Dominic says.

My sense of reality returns to me and reminds me that none of this is real and is just a dream. Still, my mind clings to and fights against me as I try to wake up. When I do, I see that I’m sitting on top of Jude who is sleeping. Even though I’m awake and see what I’m doing, I can’t help but lean down and kiss Jude on the lips. Seeing that he hasn’t been awakened by my kiss and how sweet the first kiss tasted, I’m tempted to give him more kisses and do even more things to him.

“He’s yours,” a demon says in my voice.

“Dominic was given to his wife, Persephone, so this descendent is your second chance.”

“Blessed be God for this gift.”

I feel my body physically shake and sweat as I struggle to pray and resist these temptations. This man hundreds of years younger than me is the descendent of my true love. He’s so sweet, loving, and…no! I shouldn’t do anything else to him! God, help me! God, have mercy on me! The temptation is too great for me to bear. For once, and especially for this time, let me not fall into sin.

What feels like the hand of my guardian angel touches my back and the weight of my temptation falls from my shoulders. I immediately get up and run out of the inn to get fresh air, kiss the ground in thanks and as an act of penance, and start to pray silently to strengthen myself. What I did was a carryover from my time of uncontrolled lust informed by my lingering want for Dominic. I guess I did deserve a man such as Leif, who violated me to no end and gave me my only child whom I killed. Leif was a man whom God redeemed and directly talked to despite his many sins and might’ve been my final husband if I made different choices and didn’t kill him. It’s at this moment that I’m starting to feel thankful that he stopped me from repeating Evander’s mistake.

My eyes focus on the moon as I see something form out of it. I see Leif who looks like an angel with the horns on his head forming a golden halo. His beard is white along with his skin and the robes he is wearing. Part of me is glad to see him while another is still sickened by his very sight.

“I have forgiven you,” Leif says. “In Heaven, I pray for you along with our child, Harald.”

My only son, Harald, appears behind his father. The boy has a bright light coming out of his chest and neck where I cut him. He wears robes like his father and holds his head.

“Mother. I am glad to see you have overcome a great temptation,” Harald says.

I have no words for either person and can only cry as I reach up to Harald who enters my arms.

Finally, I say, “I’m so sorry for what I did to you and all the hateful words I said while you tried to bring me to my senses. I love you, my son. I’m sorry.”

“Do not worry, mother,” my son says with a smile. “Father and I will be with you through all your trials. Be strong and trust God.”

Looking up to Leif, I see him smile.

“I…I forgive you too…Leif. I guess we weren’t so different after all and I deserved the man you were before.”

“No, you deserved better than the scum that I was, but that was the past. Now, I am the man you deserved and will be with you through all your struggles, as our son said.”

Leif embraces me and Harald. For a moment, I feel as if I finally got what I wanted in life, one happy family, but of course, the moment is short-lived as both Leif and Harald disappear as quickly as they appear. I’m not as disappointed about it as I thought I would be. I only feel slightly hollow inside and wish that the embrace would last a bit longer. As I stand up, I see Jude stepping outside of the inn and looking around before running and calling out to me. I explain to him why I had to step out and what had just happened.

“This is why I left you,” I continue. “I’m a danger to you and myself.”

“All I hear is that I need your help even more,” Jude says.

“Stop acting like everything wrong with the world is because of you. Do I need to point out why your demon has your face on it?”

“No. I know I blame myself too much sometimes, but this is not one of those times. If I really am a near occasion of sin for you, your eye would be popping out of its socket and you’d have your hands all over me. I’m not the real object of your desire. The image of my blessed ancestor on my face and personality is and you seem to be controlling yourself well.”

“For now I am. God only knows when my temptations will arise again.”

The crimson mist from before descends upon the village quicker than it did last time.

From it, a voice says, “His Holiness is correct. Though you may be a danger to him, he is the one that God wants with you on your journey. Because you have shown forgiveness to the man who wronged you and self-control in the face of overwhelming temptation, I will transport you to where you must go next.”

When the crimson mist fades away, Jude and I find ourselves in a completely different place. This looks to be somewhere in the Far East given how angular the buildings look and it appears to be morning.

“What about the soldiers that I led? Shouldn’t they come with us?” Jude asks.

“They’ll find their way to where God needs them to be. In today’s world, one man’s strong faith can overcome the hordes of Hell,” the voice in the mist says before it completely fades away.

“I guess there’s nothing more that can be done and we should just move on.”

“Now you have a better idea of how I feel when God keeps shaking up my world.”

“I’m not upset. Just…”

“Disappointed? Unsure of yourself and what to do next?”

“Yes, but I try to keep expectations out of my head. They are a poison to happiness. Let us see why God has brought us out here.”

Jude and I enter the Eastern city, the citizens of which are excited to see him. It isn’t long before we are brought to the city’s officials who already have a banquet of food and drinks ready for us at their castle in the city's center. After eating and exchanging pleasantries, we explain how we got here and why.

One of the city's leaders says, “Well, I hope you enjoy your stay here and stay as long as you can. We don’t see you here on this side of the world, Your Holiness.”

“That is something I am now trying to correct. Many of my predecessors spent more time out in the world rather than stuck in the halls of debates and discussions. They were especially out on the frontlines with their soldiers, and since we are at war with demons, I thought there was no better time to be out on the field than now. Speaking of which, where are we in particular.”

“You are in the kingdom of Phasianus and we call this city the Sea Dome because this city is a fortress for the many sea-based operations of our kingdom.”

“Interesting. How have you been dealing with the demonic threat here?”

“Pretty well as far as you can see. There are hardly many people on our streets who are suffering the effects of their demons. You’ll find nothing but the most faithful of your servants here.”

Looking over at me, Jude locks eyes with me and communicates a thought without words. I do think it’s strange that this place hardly has anyone with clear demonic mutations. Everything in this part of the world seems to be operating like normal as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening at all.

“God bless you if that is the case. My assistant and I must be going then. Thank you for your warm welcome and our lovely conversation.”

“Don’t you want to stay a bit longer? There may be something here that God wants you to find.”

“Perhaps. We’ll take a tour then by ourselves.”

The city’s leaders seem to be okay with this answer and allow us to leave on our own. While this is happening, I hear Jude’s whispers and see him clutching his rosary beads in his pocket. Once we leave the castle, he leads me towards the city’s port.

“What do you think is going on?” I quietly ask.

“I don’t know, but something is wrong. This place is too perfect. Though there may be people suffering from demonic possession here and there, most places need penitents on every street corner to get a fraction of the same result, but no one here is openly praying. They’re just going about their daily activities like usual,” Jude says while thumbing through his rosary.

I start praying as well, and by the time we reach the ports, we find it heavily guarded by the city’s protectors.

“Do we need to head out to sea?” I ask.

“I feel that is where God is leading me. You saw that the city’s gates are more heavily guarded than this, so this is our best way out of here,” Jude says.

“What should we do then?”

“I don’t know. Right now, I’m thinking that I should attract all their attention while you head out on your own.”

“What happened to us traveling together?”

“It’s you who must free the world from the curse. Maybe this is where I play my part and we go our separate ways.”

“No. If there’s something wrong with this city, then I’m not leaving you to face it alone.”

“Heh, what happened to you being a danger to me and wanting to travel on your own?”

“Shut up. The man in the crimson mist said you’re supposed to be with me.”

Plus, I don’t want to admit I feel a need to make up for what I did to him.

“True, but still. I don’t know why I want to leave you despite my need to protect you being validated. I don’t even feel like praying anymore or going anywhere. It’s a strange peace that feels like it’s lying to me. The only time one should stop formally praying is when someone should offer up their daily activities and rest as prayers, but I don’t even feel like substituting it.”

As I continue to pray, I notice the sun is getting brighter. I can’t help but look up to it as if my eyes are being drawn to something in it. That something ends up being someone, an old friend, Evander who doesn’t have his high elf appearance anymore, and yet, seems to be more golden than before and looks angelic like Leif did with his wings, halo, and flowing robes.

“Jude,” I say as I tug on his sleeve to draw his attention to what I’m seeing.

Thankfully, Jude sees the same thing. With a surprised look on his face, he says, “Evander…”

“Hello, my friends,” Evander says.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“I’m here to lend my intercession so you may escape from here. This city is currently under a demonic spell as I’m sure you’ve recognized, one that stops them from performing meaningful acts of prayer and penance. In return, these people enjoy peace and escape the tortures of the forces of Hell. The poor fools hardly know they’re under a spell.”

“It’s like the dream reality we put the world under.”

“Yes, as if I needed a reminder of one of our greatest shame. The dream reality could’ve been used on an individual basis to convert those who were furthest from God and become men like the one who broke the dream reality. Now, that magic is lost until God wills someone to have it.”

“Evander, I’m sorry for not being a better friend to you and stopping you from committing one of our greatest sins. I wanted to justify it as much as you did.”

“I should be the sorrier one. It is me who put the world under the dream reality and taught you how to use it for yourself. I am especially sorry for not being able to give you children in more ways than one, but now is not the time for such sorrows. That is long in the past and I have suffered long in Purgatory before being able to make it to Heaven. Allow me to continue to intercede for you by helping you to escape this city. You can walk by the guards and they won’t stop you from leaving.”

Jude and I thank Evander, and sure enough, we’re able to leave the city on a boat with minimal notice other than the people who say hi to Jude and bow to him in honor of his papacy.

With the city behind us, Jude asks me, “If you don’t mind me asking, what did Evander mean by not being able to give you children in more ways than one?”

“I’d rather not specify,” I say.

It was a short-lived romance between us, born of desperation for love, and one that we confessed and did penance for in private. I guess I was guilty of the sin of lust far before I gave into it more with Leif, probably ever since I wanted to be with Dominic.

“I knew something was going on between you two, but I’ll stop talking about it. It’s far in the past anyway.”

My suspicions of Jude knowing about it are true then.

“Thank you.”

As Jude and I operate the ship and sail it into the sea, my heart feels even lighter now that forgiven and talked to Evander in addition to Leif, two men that I thought I’d never forgive or appreciate talking to again.