Chapter
5 – The More Things Change…
“This will show what God wants
without a shadow of a doubt, Cystitis. Let our light clash and whoever wins is
the one who is right,” Evander says.
Seeing as how there is no walk to
talk Evander out of this, I accept and ready my dark light while he charges his
golden light. We then allow our lights to clash in beams that push against each
other. As this is happening, I close my eyes and place in trust in God, and
before I know it, I hear Evander scream out and the dream shatters around me.
Soon, I find myself in a room with strange, recently broken machinery that
Evander and all his allies are linked up to with tubes and wires, though for
some reason, I don’t see Priscilla anywhere. I am in my disgusting ratman form,
but my true form, nevertheless, and thank God for my victory, even as my old
temptations settle back into my mind.
“Are you happy? You got what you
wanted,” Evander says in a pained voice.
“There’s more to life than being
happy,” I say.
“You’re right and you’ve been
right. If anything, I hope you try to move past your sinful ways and find some
kind of peace and happiness in this broken world.”
“And I’ll pray for you that you see
your family in Heaven.”
“Oh, I see them. I’ve already said
my confession to God, but it’ll be a little while before I truly join them.
Purgatory must cleanse my rotten soul first.”
“At least you’ll be able to
experience true happiness and peace. Pray for me when you get to Heaven. I’ll
need it.”
Evander smiles for the first time
in a while and this smile seems more genuine than his other ones before his
head drops and he dies. Looking around the room, I see other people waking up
from the dream, and in the crowd, I see Priscilla running away with a few of
her allies. I go after her with my thoughts going from pure to rotten. She
heads out into the city streets where people are waking up and wondering if
what they were dreaming actually happened. By the time I reach Priscilla, she’s
boarded a boat with her allies and is about to set sail.
“Priscilla, where are you going?” I
ask.
“I’m going back to the Americas, my
home, to do penance for what I’ve done. I’ve done enough damage to the people
here and the world. Don’t follow me, Cystitis,” Priscilla says.
I watch from the docks as Priscilla
sails away without looking back at me. It’s then my temptations overtake me
even more and I start to crave something to satisfy them. Knowing I’m a threat
to everyone around me, I escape the city and wander the wilderness. I survive
on basic water and the raw meat of animals for a few days until I’m no longer
able to hold myself back from my old habits. There’s an undertown around here that
I’m thankful is still operating once I enter it. It’s as if the dream reality we
were all in never happened as the people here indulge in every forbidden desire
even as the slaves cry out and feebly try to fight back. Since the people here
know me, I am given the finest fruits here and indulge myself in the pleasures
as if this is my first time doing so.
A week passes before my conscience
wakes up in the worst way possible. While having my way with two boys, I’m
reminded of my kids from the dream reality when I see their faces on theirs. I
immediately stop what I’m doing and look at myself in the mirror as if waking
up from a nightmare. In a panic, I grab a nearby cloak and run as far away from
the undercity as possible. By the time I need to catch my breath, I find myself
near a lake. I rip apart the dress I’m wearing, tear off my fake eyelashes,
break my fake nails, throw aside my cloak, and dive into the lake to wash the
makeup off my face.
Priscilla should’ve killed me as I told
her to. It would’ve been better than falling back into my old habits and
feeling guilty about it afterward. How dare she leave without giving me a taste
of her sweet flesh and experiencing the pleasures of her body-no! Perhaps I should
just drown myself-no! No! Control yourself, Cystitis, you worthless scum!
Great, now it’s raining. At least the cold chills my nerves and helps me
control myself.
I put my cloak back on and wander
the land in search of shelter. Now, I’m wondering if God used me for His
purposes and threw me away once I outlived my usefulness. I crave the control
of my mind and emotions more than any drug or bodily pleasure. More than that,
I’d like to have the family I once had and the assurance that I’m loved by
someone. In the distance, I see a somewhat damaged church. It’s something, I
guess. The roof doesn’t look damaged so at least it’ll be dry.
When I enter the church, I see a
priest kneeling and praying at the altar with a blindfold around his eyes.
Looking around, there doesn’t seem to be anyone else here, though I do hear a
few people coughing in the back rooms. The priest must’ve heard me entering since
he is getting up and approaching me.
“Ah, who are you? I didn’t think
our shipment of food and water would come so soon,” he says in a kindly voice.
“I’m not here to deliver you
anything,” I say.
“Hmm. Given the sound of your
footsteps and voice, I sense that you’re a man and a ratman at that.”
“I’m less than a man because my
body was changed into the sex that it wasn’t born into and less than human
because of my many sins.”
“I can relate to being less than
human because of our sins. You are among friends then.”
“I’m not a holy man like you are. I’m
a monster, a devil even.”
“Monsters and devils aren’t humble.”
I grumble, admit he is right, and
then ask, “May I stay here for the night?”
“You can stay here for as long as you
like. None of us here are able to force you to leave anyway. As you can see, I
cannot and my friends from the town not too far from here are sick as well.
They usually take care of me and the church, but they’ve suddenly fallen ill. I
do my best to help them, but I can only do so much.”
“I’ll help you and your friends as
payment for your kindness. Do you truly trust me? I could take advantage of you
while you sleep and eat you alive as ratmen typically do.”
“If that is the way I must die,
then I deserve it. A sinner like me doesn’t deserve a good death or to live
happily until I die of old age.”
“I…I agree with that. Men like us
don’t deserve happiness.”
“And yet, the good Lord has mercy
on us with moments of it such as this one. It’s been a pleasure speaking to you,
friend.”
“The pleasure’s been mine…friend.”
The priest directs me to the food, water, and medication to give to his friends, who don’t care that I’m giving it to them since they overheard our conversation. In the morning, the storm clears up though it is still cloudy outside with few rays of sunshine being able to be seen through it. While eating breakfast with my new friends, I think that I’ve found my new place in life. It seems that God hasn’t abandoned this worthless sinner yet.
The End
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