Abandoning Suffering: Chapter 3 – Fondness for Agony

“Agony, oh sweet agony!

How you test my sanity!

You separate the weak from the strong,

The right from the wrong.

I hear your call,

God, help me not to fall.”

-          From the Psalms of Suffering

Chapter 3 – Fondness for Agony

Lucian is shocked as he sees Eliza fall from the air and land near their meeting spot.

“Amazing! You were given the ability to fly too?” he asks.

“No. It’s just something I tried.”

“Did Valerius meet with you?”

“Yes, it’s why I got here the way I did.”

“I hope he helped you with whatever you’re dealing with. I’m here as well if you need me.”

“Thank you. Can we go now?” Eliza says as she enters the horse drawn carriage.

“Hold on. We’re waiting for my contact who knows all about the target you are after. He should be arriving here. Soon. Ah, there he is.”

Eliza doesn’t bother to look at her ally until he enters the carriage. The general sight of him surprises her for a second.

“Kilian?” she says to the boy.

The boy looks up to her and it’s apparent that he isn’t the same boy she just met since this boy has darker hair, brown eyes, and is a stuffed cat plush.

“That is not my name. You must be mistaking me for someone else. My name is Jude,” the boy says.

“Oh, my fault.”

“Did you know a boy named, Kilian, Eliza?” Lucian asks.

“Forget it, it’s nothing. Can we go now?”

“Best of luck to you too and may God bless you with victory.”

The carriage heads off as the driver takes Eliza and Jude to their destination.

“I didn’t know that a boy like you would be helping me with this,” Eliza says.

“Lucien had to have many allies within the capital and other places of the world to manipulate it from the inside, and no one would expect an orphan like me to be a spy,” Jude explains.

“Isn’t this the role of a spy too dangerous for children?”

“Not in my case. I can run, hide, and listen better than any adult that I know without having any extraordinary kind of blessing like you. It comes from growing up in an orphanage of bad people and reporting them to people like Lucian who actually care about what happens to people like me.”

“You still haven’t explained why you are the one who is helping me.”

“Oh. That’s because I know of the man whom we are going after. This man was the priest who watched over the orphanages and indoctrinated the children into the teachings of the false god. He had a thing for suffering and pain so it makes sense why he would worship such a god. He was so entranced by suffering that he made everyone who he had power over conduct daily acts of mortification by hurting themselves with whips and going without meals for a day or more depending on the season and his mood.”

“Where is he hiding?”

“In a favorite spot of his, the forest of black thorns. When Matteo the Black Rose’s set his curse of black roses on the world, they spread everywhere and destroyed whatever they saw as a threat. Among these was one of the most extravagant places in the old City of Light and because this place attracted so many massive thorns, it appears that a forest was made out of them that hasn’t been able to be cut down even to this very day.”

“And what? They like coming here to hurt themselves with the thorns.”

“Yes. The people who live here also make their armor and weapons out of thorns so watch out for that. I’m not sure how well your fists will be against them.”

“I’ll be just fine.”

Once Eliza and Jude reach their destination, they get out of the carriage and Eliza looks around the area. She sees vines of thorns everywhere that look like trees with some of them bent around. These bent places are the homes of the people that they are looking for. Eliza watches as the people of this place rub themselves up against the thorns and offer their pain up to their god. They cry and moan in ecstasy while they bleed and cause themselves and each other pain.

“These people are sick,” Eliza says.

“If it is pain that they want, then we’ll give it to them. I’ll do what I can while you go ahead,” Jude says as he disappears into the shadows of the forest of black thorns.

“Where are you going? Jude? Do what you want, boy. Just don’t get yourself killed.”

Eliza approaches the people who appear to recognize her as one of the women says, “I’ve heard of you. You’re that woman who couldn’t bear her sufferings so she submitted herself to the devil.”

“I submitted myself to no devil. I gave my service to a God who actually cares about me and has made me happier than I’ve ever been.”

“Is that all there is to want in life? Happiness?”

“What else could I want?”

“A purpose, a reason to exist, a person to love.”

“I can have all of those things and be happy.”

“But do you really love them when you don’t want to suffer? Everyone suffers for what they love. Even you suffer in some way. Why not embrace it?”

This woman’s words test Eliza’s patience so she grabs her head and throws the woman into the thorn trees, which kills her.

“You first since you want it so much.”

The people of the forest attack Eliza and despite their thorny armor, her fists feel nothing when they hit them and manage to punch through the armor itself. Seeing this easy disposal of their finest warriors makes everyone else in the forest submit to Eliza’s rage. She smashes them into the ground and punches them into the thorn trees and the air as they want. Their surrender doesn’t make her slow down or stop in any way. As she carves a bloody path through the forest, a head flies towards her that has a black mask on it. This mask has mouths on its eyes and a grinning smile.

Jude runs out of the shadows with a bloody knife and says, “Thank you for distracting them. It gave me enough time to take the head off their leader, but these dogs behind me don’t go down so easily. Mind helping me out?”

Eliza readies herself for dogs and is instead attacked by bulky men and women who have thicker thorn armor than the others. Her fists can’t penetrate their armor though she does manage to push them back.

“Watch out!” Jude says as he throws torches at the bulky guards.

The torches light the people on fire and burn them from the inside while the thorns remain undamaged. The fire of the torches quickly spreads throughout the rest of the forest as Jude has thrown more torches into the forest.

“We have to get out of here!” Jude says as he runs back to the carriage.

While Eliza and Jude run back to the carriage and leave in it, they hear the screams of the people of the forest and smell their burning flesh. Among the screams is what sounds like infants and children. This makes Eliza look outside of the carriage.

Knowing what she’s thinking, Jude says, “Don’t worry about them. Their parents will suffer for letting their children stay here with them. God will surely have mercy on the souls of the children and put them in Heaven.”

“We couldn’t make time to save them?” Eliza says.

“I hardly even knew that they were here. This isn’t exactly a good place to live especially now as it seems that it will eternally burn because of the black thorns. It makes sense because that is probably what Matteo’s soul is doing.”

“Aren’t you even concerned about leaving those children to burn?”

“No. They are likely innocent and the ones that aren’t who were indoctrinated into believing in the false god are getting their just dues. This isn’t the first time I had the blood of someone around my age on my hands. Don’t worry. It’s all for the greater good.”

The rest of the trip is silent as Eliza thinks about what happened and the screams of the infants and children don’t leave her ears until Jude shakes her awake when they get back to the capital. At the capital, the people are finishing to take what they want as they hang up the people who used to oppress them and the people who oppose them. Those who are hung are mocked and beaten by the mobs in the capital. Some are even hung from buildings and statues like depraved decorations. Eliza doesn’t have time to question this as the crowd gathers to where Lucian is.

He says in his charismatic voice, “Witness the fruit of our faith and the love that God has. My trusted allies and friends have come back with news of their victory and the entire world is changing because of what we are doing here. We are on the brink of claiming the world for ourselves. We still have enemies out there who are waiting for us to drop our guard and waiting for their strength to come back. We will not let them rest or give them the opportunity to have their revenge now or in the future. Instead, we will cut them all down including their cursed children! Let our power be known to all who dare oppose us and our God!”

With thunderous applause and enthusiasm, the crowd cheers.

“Stop this,” a voice in Eliza says.

“Let it continue. This is God’s will,” another says.

These two voices, both the comforting and the cold, go back and forth in telling Eliza what to do. She chooses to accept the cold voice as it tells her what she wants to do. She then goes to Lucian who is talking to Valerius.

“Get this to stop,” Valerius says. Valerius’ voice has the subtle sounds of the comforting voice in his own. “They can’t hang whoever they say oppressed them and do whatever they want with them such as hanging them as decorations around the city. We need to give those people a proper trial and sentence in the court of law.”

“Those people were given a trial and sentenced by the very people who persecuted them,” Lucius says.

“An individual person is not judge, jury, and executioner. We now have the power to prosecute someone without having to worry about corrupt courts so we should take advantage of it.”

“We will, but let the people take their frustrations out. Haven’t you seen the will of God take place out on the streets?”

“I have, but still, we should calm everyone down before anyone who is innocent gets hurt. Jude also told me that Eliza and he set fire to the forest of thorns. I know that you nor our connections knew that there were families in that forest. It’s a tragedy that couldn’t have been avoided, but we should do something about the flames that are burning that sacred place.”

“I know your opinions on Matteo but can’t do anything about the burning forest now. We’ll just warn people not to go there if they even want to since very few people share your view on Matteo.”

“Fine. Oh, Eliza. There you are. Unfortunately, we can’t rest since there’s one last target that we need to take something from. Hopefully, this is the last one.”

“It will be. The person you are after held the secrets of the false church and a power that could make people god-like. Such a blessing was given to a few, but when you get it, I’ll make sure many more people get it who will use it properly.”

“If you say that’s what it is, then let’s go get it.”

“And not a moment too soon. I’ve heard rumors that our enemies who possess this power are gathering their forces and planning to retake the capital.”

“We’ll hurry then.”

Eliza and Valerius rush out to the carriage waiting for them and head out for their next target.

While sitting in the carriage, Eliza looks out at the violence and celebrating in the streets and really starts to think about it.

“This isn’t justice,” one voice says.

“It is,” another contradicts.

“This is unholy.”

“It is righteous.”

Eliza interjects by saying, “It has to be right. I want it to be.”