Abandoing Suffering: Chapter 5 – A Big Vain Victory

“I finally have what I wanted,

But my dreams are haunted.

I have my fame,

But it has become my shame.

I have my riches,

But we all end in ditches.”

-          From the Psalms of Suffering

Chapter 5 – A Big Vain Victory

After a deep sleep, Eliza wakes up in the place that she found herself in where she got her six arms. She almost thinks that the events she witnessed were a dream until she looks at her six arms and sees Valerius peeking into the room before he enters it.

“Good. You’re awake,” Valerius says.

“Why am I in here?” Eliza asks.

“You fell asleep in the carriage and wouldn’t wake up so I had to carry you here. A doctor looked at you and said that you were just exhausted and I took you here to rest.”

“Thanks.”

“There’s a big event about to go on. Would you like me to carry you to see it?”

“No. I think I can walk there myself.”

Eliza and Valerius go to where Lucian and his allies are to see him with the artifact that they got for him. They watch as each one of them takes turns biting the object and being filled with light.

Lucian then says to the crowd below him, “Witness the blessings that we have been denied for too long as a new age of peace now begins!”

The sky that was once night becomes day, it rains without clouds, rainbows in the sky form, and the damage done to the capital has been repaired. In addition, the buildings are upgraded to be more lavish, luxurious, and numerous as if the capital were Heaven on Earth. Matteo’s black thorns that were under the sea and above ground in the capital disappear as well and suits of armor for both knights and horses spring to life and become the capital’s army. Everyone is astonished by this as they cheer and sing praises to Lucian, his allies, and God. Eliza feels a sense of satisfaction at all of this but doesn’t feel completely satisfied or happy.

Later, after a day-long party, Lucian asks her, “Do you want to eat of this divine fruit? You were the one who help start this after all.”

“No. I just want revenge against my husband and live a quiet life on a farm,” Eliza answers.

“Do you hear this everyone? The hero who brought goodness back into the world is as humble as the good Lord, Himself. Who can dare to say now that her motives are unholy?”

The leftover crowd cheers for Eliza, but she doesn’t feel very happy about it. A smile doesn’t even come to her face. Lucian’s allies track Eliza’s husband down and she goes after him by herself. He tries to beg her for mercy, but she has now for him as she tears him apart and beats him to death with his own limbs. Even in this, she feels no satisfaction after the first few hits. After, Lucian arranges for Eliza to have her own farm that she manages by herself with help nearby if she needs them. Day after day, she feels unhappy and satisfied despite getting most of what she wanted. There is no more visible suffering in the world and she lives comfortably day after relaxing day, and yet, she feels empty. She begins to think that everything she did was wrong as the cold doesn’t comfort her anymore and she longs to hear the comforting voice again as she prays to God for guidance.

“Are you happy with what you have?” a comforting voice says in her head.

“No, I’m not. I feel even more miserable now, in fact, and I don’t know why,” she answers back.

“You can change that even after all that you’ve done. There’s still a way to redeem yourself.”

“If I was truly in the wrong, why didn’t You say anything?”

“I did, but you chose not to listen. Do not get frustrated over it and do not try to reverse the results of your actions by doing the same thing you did to get here.”

“What do I have to do now? I’ll listen to you from now until forever. Please, tell me and forgive me for what I did. I know what I did was inexcusable and don’t deserve a second chance. I can’t live in this misery anymore.”

“Go to the far reaches of the world where the false light of these man-made gods doesn’t touch. There you will meet a priest and there you will live in a cave doing penance until I send a servant of mine to take you back into the world.”

The thought of all this bothers Eliza and the cold voice begins whispering in her head again.

“Okay, okay. I’ll go. Just please, don’t leave me again.”

“I’ve never left you even for a second.”

This thought begins tears to Eliza as she leaves her farm and heads out to where God told her to be.

The End