Chapter 1 – Doing Penance
We’ve might’ve made a mistake, Sylvia.
Yeah, it was not killing the kid before he could do this to us. He would’ve been with his parents right now if we did, and now we’re stuck with him and stuck with each other like this.
Who was that who put us like this? It seemed like it was God Himself.
Why would He have any beef with us? We don’t do anything that’s evil. In fact, if we did, then we’ve made it up with our heroics.
You got that right. This situation isn’t that bad in my opinion.
I know it isn’t, Simon. At least we know exactly what each other is thinking.
As if we didn’t know already.
“Is the coast clear yet?”
“Not yet, kid.”
“What did my parents ever do to you? Why did you kill them?”
“Nothing. They were just another target on our list. They did nothing but keep themselves happy and never tried to help others.”
“I’ve been trying to get them to do that. If you only gave them more time, then they would’ve helped more people than our family.”
“We didn’t mean to kill your parents. It was an accident. We don’t kill at all unless we need to. The bullets we use are non-lethal.”
“Then why did you try killing me?!”
“Because that’s one of our policies. If we accidentally kill a loved one, we have to kill everyone else who they love if they’re in the same house so they can die together. If they aren’t home, then we leave or send them a valuable gift as a way of saying sorry.”
“Your first way of making things right is horrible.”
“I think it’s a mercy. Do you know how hellish it is living without the people you love? We do. That’s why we do what we do. We lost people close to us by greedy people, so now we’re the Good Thieves.”
“The “Good” Thieves?”
“Yeah, don’t add quotations. We take from the greedy, whether they’re rich or poor, and give to those they hurt. You may have heard of us in the news. We’re pretty popular.”
“Is that why you’re being hunted down now?”
“Probably. We thought this would never happen, but I guess we stepped on too many toes. It’s safe to leave now. The one thing that your parents did do that was good was making a well-hidden closet in their room. It was a great hiding place. Whoever came after us really wanted us dead. Just look at how torn up this place is.”
“Can I bury my parents?”
“Sorry, kid, but we can’t now. We have to move if we want to stay alive.”
“My name is Alastair. Stop calling me kid.”
“Okay, kid. You’re with us now because you asked for God’s protection and he gave you to us. We’re your protectors from now on until we can get this curse off us.”
“I guess I have no choice. Let’s leave then.”
“You don’t order us. We do. Let’s go, kid.”
“Why do you always say we and us? Can’t you talk from one perspective? Your voices sound melded together.”
“This is what true love looks like. We trust each other to the point where we can finish each other’s sentences.”
“Wow. Your voices alternated when you said that.”
“Amazing, ain’t it? We still want to be back to normal since it’s better for us.”
“And I would be out of your life.”
“It’s not like that, kid.”
Yeah, it is.
Haha.
“If we’re supposed to be connected together, can you feel the same pain I do?”
“That sounds stupid-ow!”
“It’s true!”
“Then maybe you can feel the pain I inflict on ourself. Feel that?”
“No.”
“What? It’s only one way? That’s terrible.”
“For you it is. Remember that you’re the reason you’re like this.”
“Don’t smart talk us, kid. We’re your protectors now.”
“You’re more like my adoptive parents.”
“Don’t say that. We never wanted any kids especially since our line of work doesn’t allow it.”
“Are you ever going to stop thieving?”
“Not until every greedy man and woman pay for their sins.”
“That’s never going to happen through your efforts alone.”
“That’s fine as long as we get to see the hurt on them that we inflicted.”
“You don’t trust God too much, do you?”
“Can you blame us?”
“Yes, I can.”
“We’re adults. We have experience and wisdom. You should listen to us.”
“If I want to end up in a mess like you did, sure. Being older doesn’t mean you’re an adult.”
I guess he has a point, Sylvia.
Don’t admit that to him, Simon. He’ll just smart talk us more.
“And now we’re here at our little hideout. What do you think?”
“I expected more from such master thieves.”
“The best thieves travel light. Remember that we have to go from one place to another. The greedy don’t live in just one city and in this country.”
I swear we left our laptops somewhere. Let’s check this…oh no.
“Kid, we have to move.”
“What is it?”
“We’re compromised. Someone rigged our room with traps. I’m just taking the essentials with us.”
“Oh great. I thought you two were supposed to be experts.”
“Let’s hustle out of here before-”
“Ahhh!”
“Damn. They triggered the explosives manually. We have to move before they see us leaving. At least we disarmed the simple ones, so the explosion wasn’t as bad.”
“But won’t the small amounts of destruction make them think we survived?”
“Not if it’s all destroyed when we leave. Get clear!”
“Woah! Okay. I think you used too many explosives.”
“That just everything else in our hideout exploding. At least no one else was around the explosion.”
“Where are we going now?”
“Nowhere right now. We want to see who pops up to check if we’re still alive. We have a secret spot above here so we can see who comes without them noticing us.”
“What are you putting together?”
“It’s our special gun. We can turn it into a shotgun, assault rifle, submachine gun, and we’re turning it into a sniper rifle.”
“How did you get that?”
“We made it ourselves. You can make the best things when you’re motivated and bored.”
“My parents used to make the best things for me. They knew how to build and make things, which is why they were so rich.”
“Congratulations. You got parents who knew how to take care of themselves and their own. That’s not an accomplishment of any kind. Even the worst thieves and murderers we know help the people they care about.”
“What do you have against my parents?”
“Didn’t we already tell you? They’re greedy people who only care about themselves and their own.”
“But why?”
“We’ll tell you after this. Do you see those people down there?”
“Yeah, what about them? They look like normal officers to me.”
“Do you see those three lines on their back? A normal person would just think they’re wearing a strange undershirt, but what it really means is that they’re a group of unknown thieves vaguely known only to the thieving underground network.”
“Are they dangerous?”
“Extremely.”
“What are we going to do?”
“Take them out.”
“What? Won’t the other members hunt us down after this?”
“No, there’s only those few down there and…they’re done. Hello, nine-one-one? Do you know about that explosion that just occurred? Yeah, I know you just sent people to investigate it, but you might want to send more. Come on, kid. Let’s find a place to settle down.”
“There were only those few?”
“Yup. We know more about these guys than most. Nothing is more effective than deception and making people anxious about something as simple as the wrinkles on the back of someone’s shirt. They make themselves look big to intimate bigger foes.”
“Now what?”
“We hide our heads for a while before going back to stealing from the greedy.”
“You can’t!”
“You’re right. We don’t want to be responsible for any more children.”
“No, it’s not that. You can’t just take from people and think you’re justified in doing so because they’re evil. You can’t fight greater evil with lesser evil.”
“Both of us were orphaned by greedy people. It was fate that brought us together so that we could deliver justice to them. We aren’t any kind of evil.”
“Can you please stop being so self-righteous? I’m sorry about what happened to you two, but you can’t be like this. This isn’t going to help anyone. It’s more likely that you’ve created more greedy people. You don’t humble people this way.”
“And you’re more moral than us?”
“I was protected by God and you are forced to protect me. What do you think?”
“Ow!”
“Don’t even try to take out your anger on me. I didn’t ask for this situation to occur. This is just the way things are going to be for now.”
“Fine. We might as well properly introduce ourselves then. My name is Simon and my name is Sylvia.”
“My name is Alastair. It’s nice to meet you.”
He didn’t mean that.
I hope he didn’t. The brat’s too good for his age.
“Here, into this house.”
“It looks dirty and abandoned.”
“That’s what makes it a good hiding place. Eat up. You must be hungry.”
“What kind of food is this?”
“The kind that gets you through situations like this.”
“Most of these are sugary snacks.”
“What did you expect, military rations? We don’t need healthy food to keep up our beautiful figures.”
“Oh please.”
“What were you going to do today? You’re awfully well dressed for a normal weekday.”
“I convinced my parents to go to a volunteer charity event. I was in the process of changing them into better people.”
“You convinced them to go? Huh.”
“When’s the last time you did something charitable for someone?”
“It was a few months ago when we accidentally screwed over the wrong person. We gave them everything we took from them, two hundred thousand dollars, and a note saying sorry.”
“Where did you get the two hundred thousand from?”
“The people we were supposed to screw over.”
“That doesn’t count. You’re supposed to use your own money.”
“Kid, all we do is steal.”
“Then get a normal job.”
“That’s never going to happen.”
“It will now that I’m with you.”
“We doubt it.”
“We’ll see. Where am I going to sleep?”
“There’s only one bed. You can take it. We’ll sleep on the floor.”
“You shouldn’t. It’s not good for you.”
“We were homeless for a time in our life. We can handle it.”
“No, it’s fine you can sleep beside me, but I want to sleep next to Sylvia.”
“Why?”
“I’d just be more comfortable next to her.”
Isn’t he sweet?
“You better not try anything to my wife, buddy because remember that you get me too.”
“I wouldn’t even imagine it.”
I don’t know why I feel insulted.
Even when you look like this, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, Sylvia.
That’s a sweet compliment, but that also makes you the most beautiful woman in the world since we’re in the same body.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I’m going with good.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Alastair.”
We should find a fast and effective way to get rid of him, Sylvia.
I don’t know. I’m growing attached to him for some reason.
Well if you actually care for him, then we should put him into safer hands. He’s in serious danger with us.
Maybe we can leave him with a better couple.
Right. We’ll have to see after this assassination attempt on us blows over. We’ll get out of this situation. Just you wait.
Right. Good night, honey.
Good night.
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