Sin or Humanity: Chapter 2 – The Life of a Sinner

Chapter 2 – The Life of a Sinner

I can see light. Did I really die? Huh? I feel like I’m lying down naked on something cold. My arms, legs, and neck are restrained! Where am I?! I look around me and see people standing around me.

“W-who are you people? Where am I?” I ask.

“That’s not important for you to know, Lilith,” I hear a voice say. I can’t tell if it’s a man or woman.

“Is this a hospital? Listen, Giovane is a gluttonous sinner. He-”

“We know what he did. No one else saw.”

“There were people in the park that had to see us! They-”

“No one else saw.”

Who are these people?

“What do you want with me?”

“You’re a new sinner like the rest of us so you should know the rules.”

“I know all about you.”

“Oh? Do you know about all of us that are in the government, the Church, and society?”

“N-no, I don’t.”

“Then listen closely. You can join us and indulge in sin to get whatever you want in life. You could also live life as a penitent sinner with the help of the Church, but I’m sure based on what we know about you, that you wouldn’t like that life. These are the only two options that you have.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Just so you know the rules and that you know which side you should join. Your life is going to get harder from here and we can help you get what you want. Your comfortable life with riches and a nice gentleman to spend it with. There are several suitors here who may or may not come to you.”

“You’re a bunch of perverts.”

“Sinners need to sin. Remember what I told you and with that, we’ll let you go but not before showing you what happens if you try to rival us like Giovane.”

“Uck!”

A buzzsaw comes out from the center of the table that cuts through my chest. It hurts more than the bite Giovane gave me, and yet, I don’t feel like I’m dying the way I did before.

“Gluttonous sinners like us are more durable than humans. The more sin you commit the more you’ll be able to endure pain such as this. After I activate the buzzsaw as a pseudo-anesthetic, you will wake up in your apartment with a generous check, letter, and eyepatch so you remember what happened and who you can turn to for help. Goodbye, Lilith.”

“H-hold on. Isn’t there an easier way to do this?”

“This is the easy way.”

“Wait!”

The buzzsaw activates and I scream until I pass out from the unending pain. Was that all real? Sure enough just as the person said, I find a five-hundred-dollar check, letter, and eyepatch next to my bed to remind me of everything they said along with what I had on me last night and some addresses to meet them at if I’m interested in joining. There’s no way I’m going to do that especially after what they did to me. I’m not even going to cash the check they gave me. They can go…ugh. It feels like there’s a fire in my head. Oh, that’s right. The sins of a gluttonous sinner manifest on them.

I have to see what I look like now. I can see through both my eyes. Does that mean that I don’t have a mouth in one of my eyes? Going into the bathroom, I find that my left eye has a mouth in it. I can see through it despite it. I check my teeth and find that I have a set of sharp triangular teeth on one side of my mouth. After checking that, I check my stomach to see if the buzzsaw left a scar and it appears that it didn’t. Dang it, a scar should be the least of my concerns.

What am I going to do now? This condition just made my whole life more complicated than it needed to be. Also, why am I so hungry? I guess it’s because it’s still early in the morning. What’s strange is that no matter how much I eat I can never feel satisfied. I have to eat way more than I usually do to get any kind of satisfaction. No, wait! It’s my condition! I’m not going to be a glutton and not going to get upset! I’m going to work and try to stick this out until I get used to it.

Huh? Taking a look at the time and day, it’s a day after my date with Giovane. I call work and find out that a “friend” told them that I was in an accident and wouldn’t be going to work that day. While heading to work, I get unfriendly stares from people and it doesn’t get better when I arrive at the coffee shop. For the next few days, fewer and fewer people show up because they see my eyepatch and the bandages around my neck. My boss then fires me the next day because my condition has made it harder to work the same way I used to, and I lash out because of the stress.

Now without a job and a condition that makes it hard to get one, I don’t know where to turn to.  I’ve been denying myself whatever seems sinful and I can hardly get any relaxation from life. TV shows, music, and games aren’t as entertaining. I can hardly get enough sleep. Eating my favorite dinner feels as satisfying as eating dry crackers. The only thing that does bring me any pleasure is sin and I know when I’ve sinned when part of my body feels like it’s changing. I don’t want to be a monster. I don’t want to lose my humanity, but I don’t want to live this kind of life.

There’s only one more option left for me, the Church. They’re the only people that can heal the effects of sin. It’s a wonder that they don’t have more power than they should, but I guess it has to do something with the gluttonous sinners that are in power. I haven’t been to a church in years so it’s awkward for me to go in one again. There are some people here like me with eyepatches either on one or both of their eyes. They wait in line at the confessionals, so I go in line to wait with them. Some confessions take a minute or two while others seem to take forever. Come on, I don’t have all day!

A girl behind me says, “Don’t give in to the sin of impatience. It’s only going to make things worse.”

“Oh, thank you. I haven’t been to confession in a while.”

She then hands me a pamphlet that lists various sins on them.

“You might need this then.”

“Thank you.”

Wow, I might as well give the priest this entire list since I committed most of these sins. When I go into the confessional, I tell the priest my sins in the way that it says to on the pamphlet and mention what happened to me yesterday since I feel like I have to tell someone. He then absolves me of my sins then tells me to meet him after confessions are done for my penance. I guess I have to stay then. Right now, I feel my condition getting better with the ache in my eye going away. After waiting, the priest comes to me in a pew and I see that he has an eyepatch like me. The shock must show on my face because he pats my shoulder before saying anything.

“Peace be to you,” he says.

“And, uh, to you too.”

“Surprised to see another sinner like you being a priest?”

“Yes, but I guess I shouldn’t be. They seem to be everywhere now that I’ve been turned into one.”

“You’ve always been a sinner. You’re now awakening to the manifestations of your sins.”

“Did the punishment have to be so severe? I can’t enjoy anything like I used to. My life is destroyed. Everything I planned is ruined. My job is gone and I’m on the edge of losing all the money I have.”

“The only way God can get into some hearts is to break them. You lacked Him in your life, so this is His way of getting in.”

“I guess I should feel grateful.”

“Don’t be so dismissive of this great act of grace and mercy. Use it to become a better person. If you need a job, there’s always work that the Church can hire you for.”

“I’ll take the job. It’s not like God is giving me any other opportunity.”

“Believe me when I say that I was like you before becoming a priest. If you need someone to talk to, I’ll be here. There are also the other volunteers if you think they understand you better.”

“Sure.”

The priest then tells me the place I’m working at and the duties I’ll be doing. He also gives me a choker with a cross on it. He says that it’s something that helps me keep away from sin while also hiding the bite scars on my neck. Even though it may show people that I’m a penitent sinner, I’ll wear it if it helps. Plus, it kind of looks cute. Today, I’m going to be working as a chef serving at the poor house not too dissimilar from my old job at the coffee house. It’s not too hard except for the cocky people I meet. I deal with them the same way I deal with the cocky people at the coffee shop, but this gets me pulled aside by one of the people I work with.

“Did I do something wrong?” I ask.

“You shouldn’t be snarky even to the people who are…difficult.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because it’s wrong. You can’t repay evil with evil.”

“It’s not evil. Correcting a person for their behavior is an act of charity, isn’t it?”

“The way you did it wasn’t charitable. You don’t know what those people might have been going through, so it’s important to be as gentle as possible especially when you’re reprimanding them.”

“Okay, I get it.”

From then on, I hold back my cocky remarks and try to walk back my responses when they slip out. Despite this, I’m still told to confess this. I just confessed yesterday, and I need to go back again. Since I have to go back for what I said, I guess I have to mention me looking at certain people with disgust and not so nice thoughts in my head about them. This goes on for two days until the priest tells me to do gardening work for the exact amount of pay as serving. I’m not making much as is. Maybe they’ll give me more if I sin less.

Gardening is easier to do even if it is exhausting. At least I’m not dealing with any aggravating people. After work, I find a letter in the mail without a sender address. I have a bad feeling I know who this is from. The letter simply says, “Are you happy with life?”. I’m fine the way I am though I’m not sure if they know exactly what I’m doing. It doesn’t help that just knowing about them makes me feel like someone is watching me all the time with the worst intentions. Nothing interesting happens for the next couple of days as I hold out for better pay. This whole “work is prayer and penance” thing helps me control myself a bit more, but it doesn’t help me feel any better. It's all hard work for little reward.

I go up to the confessor priest I talked to before and ask, “Excuse me, but do you think I could have a pay raise? I’m really struggling to get by and need help.”

“How much of an increase do you need?”

“I need it to make at least ten dollars an hour-”

“Ten an hour? I thought you live in an apartment.”

“I do, but I can’t just live off the bare necessities.”

“You’re doing penance and trying to live a simple and humble life. It’s a reward that’s invaluable.”

“Well, it doesn’t seem to be a life for me.”

“Take the value of yourself a peg down or two or it will ruin you. Pride is a terrible sin to fall into.”

“My value of myself is right where it needs to be.”

“Then you need some time off to reevaluate that. Take the weekend off and come back on Monday. You won’t be receiving your pay for today.”

“Fine.”

The other people I work with try talking to me, but I walk past them without listening to what they have to say. They’re no different than the priest. The penitent sinners may like me however they don’t understand me. I hardly talked to them when I worked with them and they did try to be friendly to their credit. I’m just not as “perfect” as they are, so we can’t relate to one another. This entire situation has me stressed out of my mind. I need to take off the edge somehow, but I can’t afford to buy anything too expensive.

I still have the check from before. I wonder if they’ll notice if I cash it. I wonder if it’s a sin to accept money from them. Hopefully not. With the check cashed, I go to a bar-restaurant for a few good drinks and big dinner that I deserve for all the hard work I did. That was great. I might’ve spent two-hundred and eighty dollars on dinner because of how much I needed to feel filled, but it was worth it. That couldn’t have been a sin if it stopped me from losing my mind.

Huh? Someone I haven’t seen before is on the floor of my apartment. It can’t be…I’ll follow from a distance to see what they do. He stops by my door and waits around just as I feared. It could just be him waiting around for a neighbor, but I’m not going to take a chance, so I turn around and hide around the corner to wait him out. This probably isn’t a good plan. I don’t know how patient this guy is and if someone else is-someone else is coming up the stairs!

To avoid them, I go up the stairs to see where they’re going to go and see another guy go to my floor and go near my room. That’s not good. Ah! I think they might’ve seen me looking at them. They looked this way and might’ve seen me. What am I going to do now? Okay, okay. Panicking is definitely not one of the things I’m supposed to do. Alright. The safest thing to do is to walk out of the apartment and come back in a couple hours. Okay? Okay-Ah! They turn the corner and pin me against the wall by grabbing my throat. They were so fast, and I didn’t hear them!

“How?!” I say out loud.

“Sin can give you many abilities if you just give in, and it seems like you have,” one of them says.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You cashed the check. That was a smart move. It’s the first step, but of course, the second step is your call. Come to this place if you want to take it.”

“Hey, watch where you’re putting your hands!”

The guy puts an envelope in between my breasts.

“I can do whatever I want. Don’t take this personal. It’s just business and for appearances.”

“Do you really think you can do this in public?”

“If we got rid of the people who saw you in the park, what makes you think we won’t vacant this entire building?”

“Tch. You’re horrible.”

“I’m my own man, master of my own destiny, and you can be too if you join us. It’s all up to you.”

The man then let’s go of my neck and the two walk away. I take the envelope out of my breasts and open it in my room. There’s a check in it for a thousand dollars and a business card for a nearby club. It has the words, “Ask about the wine” written on the back of it. Is this some secret code or something to get into the exclusive part of the club? Hmm. I know this club. It’s not like a strip club or anything like that so maybe it’s fine to go to. I’m going to check it out tomorrow when it opens just to see what it’s about. Nothing more.

As I enter the club the next day, I see nothing but normal people here. I’m assuming that the sinners are in their secret room. Makes sense since they are usually separated from the public so that a fight doesn’t start between them.

I go up to the bartender and ask, “Hello, what kind of wine do you have?”

“We have the most exquisite kinds that I doubt you will find anywhere else. Would you like me to show you to our wine bar?”

“Yes, please.”

The bartender motions for another bartender to take his place as he leads me to a back room then to a guard who’s standing in front of a hallway near the offices. The bartender nods to him and he nods back as he goes back and the guard motions for me to follow him. I follow him into an office then to a secret hallway activated by a hidden button underneath a table. The hallway leads to a place where I see all the sinners are. They’re partying and having a good time with nothing sinful going on from what I can see.

“There she is!” I hear a familiar voice say. The man from yesterday approaches me as the guard goes back to where he was. “I’m glad you took the opportunity. Most people take a week or more to decide on whether or not they want to come.”

“I’m just here to check it out. That’s it.”

“I understand and I won’t pressure you to stay. Enjoy yourself as much as you want because this part of the club never really shuts down. Why don’t you come and sit with me and my friends? You don’t have to worry about talking to them. We appreciate the company of people like us.”

“I don’t know. I hardly know you.”

“We have drinks and food if you want. It’s all on me.”

“If you’re offering, I guess I’ll accept.”

I join the man and his friends at his table that seems like it’s big enough to fit everyone in this portion of the club. These people practically have a buffet of food and drinks on the table that everyone is picking from with servers coming in and out from the kitchen to replace the quickly emptying trays, alcohol, water, and soda. It all smells and looks very good, so I take some and begin to eat. Before I know it, I’ve already had two platefuls of food and I’m eating a third with some wine.

“Good, huh?” the man from before asks as he sits next to me.

“Yeah. I haven’t eaten this good in a while even though I did treat myself yesterday.”

“It’s better than Giovane’s food too I bet.”

“I don’t remember and I’d rather not.”

“I get it. I’d rather not remember eating people too.”

“What?”

“Oh, they didn’t tell you? Giovane mixed in the flesh and blood of the people he killed into his dishes so he could sin more. Oh! He also mixed in excrement in his dishes as well.”

“You’re going to make me lose my appetite. Why are you telling me this?”

“No reason. I’m just wondering why he chose to spare you when he’s maimed and killed every other victim of his.”

“Maybe to sin more.”

“Probably, but you won’t find anyone like him among us. We indulge in enough sin to keep us sane while not going overboard so we keep our good looking human appearance, you get me? There are even people here from the church that come to let loose every now and then.”

“Isn’t it a sin to do that? Doesn’t it make our condition worse?”

“Do I look like I have a fake shell on me? You can feel for yourself if you doubt me.”

“I’ll pass. You look normal to me.”

“That’s right because I know when to stop before going too far. We know our place and keep to ourselves. Can you really call that a sin?”

“I guess not. I don’t know.”

“What’s the matter?”

“I’ll have to lie in the confessional and the priest I know if I keep coming here.”

“What are you going to lie about? This isn’t sinful. If you think the church isn’t good for you, then stop going. Here, I was told to give you this check if you came along with another place I frequent. There’s a thousand and five hundred dollar check in here. That should be enough money to live off of until you make your decision. I’m not very good at convincing people and if you’re going to listen to anything that I have to say, then listen to your heart. It’ll tell you the right decision to make.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Any time. Now, enough with this. Let’s get back to enjoying ourselves.”

For the rest of the day, I enjoy the company of sinners like me that seem to know what I’m going through and agree with the way I think. We eat, drink, and dance until late at night when I decide to go back home. Monday comes around after spending the weekend with the other sinners I decide to go to work and talk to the priest and tell him that I found a new job over the weekend that suits me.

“That’s great news, Lilith,” he says.

“Yes, it is.”

That was easier than I thought.

“Before you go, do you have something that you need to get off your mind? You seem like something is weighing you down. Do you need to go to confession?”

“N-no. I didn’t commit any sins over the weekend.”

This condition is killing me. My tongue feels like it’s growing. Am I lying to myself?

“I trust you, but I know how sinners like you can be, so how about you confess what’s ever on your mind, and if it isn’t a sin, it isn’t a sin. You’ll receive a blessing along with it so it’s not like you’re going to be wasting your time.”

“Okay, if you insist.”

I tell the priest some of the stuff that bothers me without mentioning what I did over the weekend. He blesses like always after confession, but now I feel that my tongue really starting to change, so I make sure that he doesn’t see it when I leave. This place ain’t right for me. I didn’t sin, or rather I didn’t do anything wrong. Is there a difference between sin, evil, and doing wrong in my mind anymore? It doesn’t feel like it.

Sin or Humanity: Chapter 1 – Infected by Sin

Chapter 1 – Infected by Sin

Life is hard and following a strict code of morality makes it even harder. That’s why I keep my mind only on the good things in life. What’s more important than living a comfortable life and leaving a mark on the world? I may work in a simple coffee shop and live in an apartment, but I have my goals are set on a higher place than this. I won’t be conventional about my method nor dirty about it. I won’t waste my money on college and I’m not going to work with the cards I’ve been dealt. What I’m going to do is look for the perfect person to be with and live my life with them.

Because so many people come to the coffee shop I work at, I’m able to look at dozens of men and see if they’re the right one for me. If I see one that I like, I spend time with them and try to get them to come back or at least give me their number. The thing about men is that the most handsome and cutest ones can also be the ones who are the fullest of themselves because they know how good-looking they are. I try to ignore those men, but I do fall for them every now and then. My sights are primarily set on the men who don’t just look good. They have to radiate confidence and success. Not many men fit my criteria, and you could say that I’m too picky, however, I think I’ve found the man of my dreams.

His name is Giovane. He’s both a writer and a cook. The restaurant he works at isn’t anything too impressive, but he makes his food in such a way that his boss lets him add things to the menu. His dishes give the restaurant its great reputation and keep the customers returning and bringing in new ones. He has a small audience of readers and fellow writers. Even though he just has local fame, he does have a growing influence on the world. The only thing that’s stopping him from becoming richer and more influential is his eyepatch and scar on his chest.

There are people called “gluttonous sinners” and they hide their deformities with patches and prosthetic body parts. They’re called gluttonous sinners because they can never be satisfied with the sin they feed on or something like that. Even though these people are very real because of the attention the Church and government give them, I’m not worried about them. They don’t bother me, and I don’t bother them, so I don’t really care. Sure, there are stories of these sinners turning normal people into them with their bites, but that only happens to gullible people and people who are in the wrong places at the wrong time of day. The part of the city I live in has no confirmed cases whatsoever, so I have nothing to worry about despite what the world news says.

Tomorrow, I’m going on a date with Giovane and I’m trying to shop for a new pair of clothes and shoes for the date, but I keep hearing the latest news on the gluttonous sinners and activity related to them and what we’re supposed to do if we are one or if we know someone who is one. I get it that it’s important for people to know. I’d just rather not hear about it in almost every place that I go to. Anyway, there isn’t here that I think Giovane would find too eye-catching. It’s not that I don’t already have nice clothes at home. I just want something really special to wow him. What I’m already wearing is already wowing some of the men around me, and it’s not even revealing. This tells me that tonight is going to be good.

When the day comes, I wait at the entrance of the coffee shop after work. While waiting, I catch the attention of a few men that usually come to the coffee shop. They’re surprised to see me in such a cute outfit, and we talk for a bit. There’s no harm in having backups in case Giovane doesn’t end up being the one I want. A few minutes after they leave, Giovane meets up with me on time. I hold his arm as we walk and talk through the city.

We go to a fancy restaurant in a skyscraper. Giovane reserved us a couple’s spot so we can look down at the city together and by ourselves. Despite the nice setting, I can’t help but feel out of place. Mainly rich and upper-middle-class people eat in the restaurant and their dresses and outfits look so much better than ours. We’re not underdressed though there’s an obvious difference if you have the eye for it.

“Is something on your mind, Lilith?” Giovane asks.

“Oh, no. There sure are a lot of rich people here in this restaurant.”

“Not that many people can afford to eat here. Thankfully, people know me in the local cooking business, so they gave me these seats at a good price.”

“That’s great. I still feel out of place.”

“You shouldn’t worry about it. People like them can be too judgmental about appearances.”

“Do you think you’ll ever work your way up to a restaurant like this or one that you’ll own by yourself?”

“It’s not something that concerns me. I’m happy where I am. Besides, having all that money and responsibility ruins people.”

Honest and humble. I’d rather not have any worries about money, but I can imagine living in the upper-middle class. It’s better than where I am now.

“I’d like to have the same attitude you have, especially with how much discrimination you must get for your scar and eyepatch.”

“It’s worse than what you saw in the coffee shop though I feel more pity than anger. It must suck being paranoid about the people around you all the time.”

“I know, but that’s the way the world is. I never stop hearing about gluttonous sinners wherever I go.”

“Then how about we go somewhere you don’t hear about it?”

After we eat, Giovane drives me to a nearby town not too far from the city. It’s a nice and quiet place with plenty of humble shops with pretty outfits and dresses that I can’t take my eyes off. Around the town, I see other women wearing these outfits. It was one thing that I saw rich people wearing expensive dresses, and now I’m watching lower-middle-class people wearing beautiful dresses that are not as expensive but look better than anything that I have. I try on these outfits just to see what I would look in them.

“You look stunning,” Giovane says.

“You think so?”

“Yes, so much so that I’ll buy whatever outfits that you want.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. It’s why I brought you here. I didn’t exactly know what to get you and you talk a lot about outfits and dresses, so I took you here so I could get you whatever you wanted. Also, I can’t repay you enough for picking up for me at the coffee shop.”

“I got your number and this date. It’s more than enough to repay me.”

“Oh, you’re welcome.”

“On that note, are you still paying for the outfits?”

“Hahaha, of course I am.”

Giovane brings me to a local bakery to buy dessert then to a nice park to enjoy it at. Together we eat on the grass while we enjoy the lights in the park.

“Thank you for the great day, Giovane.”

“Thank you for enjoying it with me, Lilith. Hey, do you mind if I tell you a secret?”

“I don’t mind. What is it?”

“Those rumors about me being one of those gluttonous sinners…is true.”

“What?”

Giovane takes off his eyepatch and sure enough, there’s a mouth where his eyeball used to be in his right eye. Gluttonous sinners usually have mouths where one of their eyes used to be because they’re said to always look at the objects of their desire with lust in their eyes. He really is one of them…

“See?”

“…I see.”

“It’s been so hard not to give in to sin that I was told to find a friend to confide in. Can you please help me?”

“I-ah!”

He’s tightly hugging me, and I can feel his tears on my face.

“Please, help me. I can’t do this on my own.”

“Okay, I’ll help you.”

“I can’t do this.”

“I’m here for you now. Don’t give up.”

“No, I can’t…keep up this act.”

“Huh?” He’s pinning me to the ground by holding my wrists. I can’t slip my hands from out of his grasp. Gluttonous sinners are said to get stronger with every sin they commit and when they’re committing a sin. “I’m here for you, Giovane! You don’t have to do this!”

“But I want to do this. You don’t understand. This was a setup from the beginning. I wanted to increase my powers through sin and what better way than to lie to a gullible girl, break her heart, and turn her into what I am.”

“You can’t! There are people in this park. You’ll get hunted down and killed.”

“I’ve been doing this for a while. I have friends in high places that will cover my tracks. Furthermore, I’ll be sinning more by making you embarrassed and feel abandoned. No one can help you and no one will.”

“Wait! Stop! Someone help me!”

“Keep screaming and crying like that. It just makes me more powerful. While we’re at it…”

“Ah! Stop!”

He’s tearing apart my clothes! As if this couldn’t get any worse. I don’t even want to know what he’s going to do next. He’s going to ruin my life and the plans I have for it if he bites me. I’m still struggling to free myself, but I don’t see anyone around me. I could’ve sworn there were more people in the park. Please get help! Don’t leave me like this! He’s trying to bite me now! I can feel his mouth on my neck and the saliva coming from it as he licks my neck with his long tongue.

“I’ll be sure to make this painful for you. Let me hear you scream.”

“No! No, no, no!”

I scream louder than I think I ever have because of the pain his bite is giving me and in the vain hope that someone will hear me. It’s over for me now. My life might as well end. I can feel my body go numb as my screams become quieter in my ears even though I don’t think I’m screaming any softer. Please, let this be the end…

New paperback cover is out!

 

Cover by @KiddoMonokuma and edited by @primerpersonaje both can be found on Twitter.

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A tyrant is given another chance at life and his queen follows along to make sure he's doing the right thing and happy. The two will embark on a journey that will make them face small to larger than life challenges. Their love for each other is strong, but is it strong enough to last until a tyrant can be redeemed? Find out in this epic fantasy, romance story. This version of the story includes a short prequel story and behind the scenes extras after every story.

Saint Within the Sinner is complete and available for free!

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In a world where demons physically manifest themselves through people, Astra and a band of exorcists have captured Estella, a woman heavily possessed by demons. Estella is being transported to a place to be freed from the demon's possession and to remember who she was, but an ambush forces Astra and Estella to endure each other as they try to get Estella the help she needs. Along the way, they'll learn who Estella was and about each other and what is keeping them from being good and saintly.

Saint Within the Sinner: Chapter 4 – Desperation and Renewal

Chapter 4 – Desperation and Renewal

Astra wakes up in a daze in a cell room with a bed and dresser. The room has a strong stink to it and appears to be a room a prostitute would live in. She sees that one of her arms is chained to the side of the wall and her clothes are torn to shreds. With her senses coming back to her, she sees that her legs and her left arm have been cut off and tattooed for demonic possession. All these things that she sees make her feel enraged, desperate, and distressed at the same time.

She bangs on the cell wall and writhes in the bed as she tries to escape somehow. After a few minutes of this futile escape attempt, the words for cursing her captors and Estella come to her mouth but are stopped as soon as Estella enters the room. Somewhat relieved by this, she ceases the thoughts to curse or hate anyone as Estella rushes to her side.

“Astra! Are you okay?” she asks.

“I don’t know. My body feels numb and my nerves feel unhinged. How did you get them to let you go?”

“I…I do what I had to.”

“…of course you did.”

“I’m sorry, but I had no other choice.”

“Of course you had a choice!”

“I know, but I was too weak to make it.”

“Then watch me make the right choice when they give it to me.”

“I don’t think they’ll let you.”

“What?”

“They might’ve already…umm.”

“What? What did they do to me that could be worse than all of this?”

“Don’t worry about that. What you need to worry about is what they’ll do after. Actually, no. Just worry about praying. I’ll try to do whatever I can to free you.”

“I’ve tried praying and this is where it led me.”

“Astra, don’t say that. You’re supposed to be a strong pious nun, right? That’s what I trained you to be.”

“And this is what it’s made us into! Maybe I should make the same decisions you did for both our sakes.”

“No, Astra! You have to choose to be better!”

“Shut up! What do you know about being better?!”

Demons start to manifest from the tattoos on Astra’s severed arm and legs. A giant demon head manifests from Astra’s arm while two demon mouths with blade-like tongues manifest from her legs. The demons whisper in her ear on what to do to obtain her freedom while complimenting her devotion to God and how holy she is.

“You have to stop now! Control yourself!”

“I know more about that you filthy whore!”

Astra uses the demon on her arm to free her other arm. She then smacks Estella against the wall with it and breaks open her cell door.

“Astra…wait…”

“I’ll show you true piety. I’ll become an even better person than you ever were by destroying every sinner in this Godforsaken place.”

As Astra heads off to kill everyone in the building, Estella struggles to get up.

“I’m sorry, God, for being such a failure of a teacher to Astra. Please, give me the strength to fix my wrongs and become the person I was meant to be.”

Estella’s prayer is answered almost immediately as her strength comes back to her. She gets up and goes to the place where they are keeping Astra’s crucifix dagger. Meanwhile, Astra slaughters everyone who she comes across, even the slaves who she deems too sinful to live. Estella tries to ignore the screams and sounds of fighting while going to the right room. There she finds the crucifix dagger.

“Are you sure you can do this?” a demon whispers in her ears.

“You are no longer Mother Superior,” another points out.

“God has long abandoned you to your pride and lust. Astra will turn into what you are,” yet another says.

“We’ll see about that,” Estella says as she stabs the crucifix dagger into her tattooed eye, stomach, and arms while saying an exorcism prayer.

This silences the voices of the demons and gives Estella some confidence.

“Thank you, God,” Estella says while crossing herself and heading in Astra’s direction.

Astra has left a massacre of torn bodies in her path with blood and body parts everywhere. Everything from pieces of the wall, ceiling, and furniture have been used to flatten, crush, and tear apart whoever Astra deemed to be a sinner. Eventually, Estella finds Astra in a room filled with chains and the bodies of her victims stomping a body into pulp.

“Astra!”

“You!” Astra says as she quickly turns around, “What do you want, ‘Mother Superior’?!”

“I want you to stop this! Don’t let your demons take advantage of your weakness.”

“I don’t have any weaknesses! I’m perfect the way I am!”

“Would a perfect person kill both the innocent and guilty? Look at what you’ve done.”

“Shut up! You’re just like them and you’ll end up the same!”

“God give me strength.”

Estella dodges Astra’s incoming attacks while chaining her neck and limbs with the chains in the room all the while loudly saying an exorcism prayer. She then uses the crucifix dagger on Astra’s arm demon then the two demons on her legs. Estella’s prayer and faith severally weaken the strength of the demons and this allows her to make them disappear and bring Astra to her senses.

“There we go. You should be back to normal for now,” Estella says while heavily breathing because of the fight.

Astra starts to sob and cry as she writhes in her chains. Estella hugs her to calm her down.

“I felt the same when it first happened to me too, Astra. I felt irredeemable and used every excuse I could to justify my actions. We’re both sinners who need to do a lot of penance for what we’ve done, and I’ll be with you it through it all. Trust in God and me. We’ll become saints together.”

Astra’s crying stops as she puts her head on Estella’s shoulder. Estella then frees Astra from her chains and carries her to the horse stables. From there, they leave the building and head in the direction of the nearest demon treatment facility. Thankfully, they come across a patrol of exorcists who guide them to the facility where they are treated. Over the next few days, they recover from their demonic possession and regain themselves and cleanse themselves of their sins.

On one morning, Astra uses her wheelchair made for her condition to visit Estella in her room. Estella has both of her arms in casts, patches on her stomach, and an eye patch for her eye.

“How are you doing, Mother Superior?” Astra asks.

“Haha, I’m doing fine. You don’t have to call me that, Astra. I don’t officially have that position in the Church anymore.”

“You can be if you come back to the convent.”

“That’s not going to happen for a while especially in our condition. Did they fix that eyeshadow problem you have?”

“Unfortunately, no. I guess I’ll have to carry this scar from my past for the rest of my life along with the rest of my scars. Did they fix your hair problem? It’s still pink.”

“I don’t know I think I like it this way. Haha!”

“You definitely aren’t coming back to the convent then.”

The two women laugh as they begin their day anew as they put their past behind them for a bright future that lays ahead of them.

 

The End

Saint Within the Sinner: Chapter 3 – Knowledge from a fellow sinner

 

Chapter 3 – Knowledge from a fellow sinner

Estella struggles to control herself as she prays to lessen the demons’ power over her. After a while of praying, the demons lose their grip on her and she regains control of herself. Seeing that she’s alone in the woods, she waits and looks around for Astra.

“Astra!” she calls out.

“She isn’t coming for you,” a demon in her mind says.

Instead of talking back to the demon, Estella continues mentally praying while also ignoring their voices.

“Astra! Sister! I’m in control of myself again! I swear!”

“Who would risk their life to save a whore like you?”

The continuous chatter of the demon’s in Estella’s mind starts to worry her so she walks faster back to the town in the hopes of finding Astra. While retracing her steps, Estella hears the sound of moaning in the distance. Not knowing if this is Astra or not she makes her way to it to find a grey tree with four branches on it with eye-like marks on them. The tree’s roots are visible as if they were feet and the leaves on the branches seem to be fingers. What’s also strange about the tree is that the other trees are further away from it as if they all moved away from it. Another strange thing about it is how the bark of the tree feels like human skin. Estella can’t help but be intrigued by the tree and notice all these things about it.

Cracks within the tree then begin to expand and appear to form large faces with eyes, noses, and mouths that mumble to themselves. The branches of the tree then begin to move like arms and the roots begin to move like feet stuck in the ground. It takes a second for this to register to Estella because of how strange it is, but when it does, she screams, trips, and falls on the ground.

“Wait, don’t run away. Please, don’t be afraid of me,” a deep voice says from the largest face on the tree.

“Why should I?”

“I can’t do anything to you and I’m a priest.”

“Huh. I wouldn’t imagine a priest to look like a living tree.”

“I apologize for my appearance, but it’s the penance I must pay for my sins.”

“What did you do?”

“I wanted to be perfect in every way for God. Demons tempted me and I gave in to them by sinning in every way that I could think of to experience sin so I know what every sin feels like so I would know how to counter it. What I blinded myself to was that I was killing my soul to an almost immeasurable degree.”

“How could you not know that you were doing the wrong thing?”

“The demons preyed on my pride as a pious man. I also involved my family and friends with my sins, and they join me in my penance, as a result. You look like the way I did when I first started my evil quest for perfection. Don’t repeat the same mistake I did because this is how you may turn out in the end.”

“I’m trying not to. Is there anyway I can help you?”

“Pray for me.”

“Is that all I can do? What about cutting you down?”

“Please don’t. If you do, I’ll suffer more pain in Purgatory.”

“If you say so.”

“Thank you. I sense a nun in the woods. She is coming for you.”

“I know her! How do you know all that?”

“God has allowed me this ability to help lost people in the woods. If I can help you, then my penance is lessened.”

“Can you tell me anything else about her? She seems to really hate me.”

“What I can tell you is that you are part of the reason she is the way she is right now. You put that red cross on her forehead. You taught her everything she knows and practices.”

“Really?”

“Yes, and if she knew who you really were, then her tone would completely change with you. Unfortunately, that’s all that I’m allowed to know about your relationship with her but telling her what I told you will make it clear to her who you were.”

“Thank you so much! You’ll always be in my prayers! Which way is Astra? The nun?”

The tree points forward and Estella heads in that direction after saying goodbye and giving him a hug. Estella runs in the direction of Astra while calling out to her.

“That’s Estella,” Astra says with her crucifix dagger drawn.

Estella finds Astra and holds up her hands.

“It’s me, Astra! Don’t worry about me! I’m in control of myself!”

“Nice try, demon, but I don’t believe you.”

“No, I’m really in control! I used the prayers you said to suppress the power of the demons over me.”

“Impossible. You have to have high authority in the Church to use them.”

“What if I do? A priest who’s a tree told me that I put the red cross on your forehead and taught you everything that you know and practice.”

Astra is surprised by what Estella says and lowers her guard for a second before putting it back up.

“That’s impossible!”

“I don’t think it is. I was remembering something about a superior and a mother. I’m not your mother, am I?”

“…no.”

“Well, what else could I be? Maybe…maybe you should stab me with the dagger again and say the prayer to further release the demons’ power over me. I’ll do whatever I’m supposed to so that-”

“Stop saying that!”

“Saying what?”

“That you’ll do whatever you’re supposed to!”

“Why? What’s wrong with that?”

“Because that’s what my Mother Superior always used to say!”

“Is that who I was?”

“You can’t be! It’s impossible! You may share her name and her saying, but your looks and mannerisms are nothing like hers.”

“I’ll bring you to the priest who’s a tree.”

“Fine.”

Estella brings Astra to the priest who comes to life when they approach him.

“So, you’re the priest that Estella was talking about. I’ve heard stories about you but didn’t believe them.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sister. Please, keep me in your prayers.”

“Sure. Hold on a second.” Astra takes out her crucifix dagger and tries to stab the tree, but her dagger can’t pierce its skin. “You are holy, aren’t you? I’m sorry for having doubts. I just can’t believe what I was being told.”

“Why is that?”

“First of all, she said it came from a talking tree who was a priest. Second, my Mother Superior was a pious woman who mysteriously disappeared one day without a trace and Estella here looks and acts nothing like I remember, especially when the tattooed man we faced not too long ago mentioned that she took him in. She rejected me when I first was brought to the convent because I was a thrown away prostitute that was saved by a sister in the convent.”

“I did?” Estella asks.

“She is your long lost Mother Superior. You know now that the source of this information is holy, so release yourself from your doubts and accept it.”

“I still feel like I can’t.”

“Your stubbornness and pride are going to be your undoing just as it was Estella’s undoing.”

“What are you talking about? She would never fall to any sin.”

“Everyone falls to sin especially the uptight and overly pious. Estella was kidnapped by the people she would rule over and tricked into becoming the person she is today. She was told in order to do what God wanted her to do in life, she had to submit herself to her kidnappers, or else she would fail God and die. Unable to let her pride go, she fell to sin and turned into what you see before you.”

“This is so unbelievable to me.”

“Is it really? She became what you were while you became what she was. Even though I don’t know what God intends with the both of you, it seems as if He put you in the other’s place to make you learn how the other feels. One was once a self-righteous nun now made a common whore and the other was a common whore made into a self-righteous nun.”

“Tch. I guess it makes sense.”

Astra looks at Estella who looks back at her with concern and guilt in her eyes.

“I’m sorry for making you stand out so much and for treating you so badly,” Estella confesses.

“I’m sorry for-for not completely believing this is you. We still need to perform an exorcism for you so you can have all your memories, and this perverted appearance and personality can be erased. You can apologize when you remember everything that you’re sorry for.”

“Come on. Can’t you just show a little affection?”

Estella offers a hug with her arms out, but Astra turns away from her.

“Don’t make me doubt you more. The Mother Superior I knew hardly showed any kind of affection.”

“You two should be on the move. Estella’s followers are still after her and they just entered the woods after finding the body of the man you killed. I would fight them off for you, but my current form doesn't allow it,” the priest says.

Estella thanks the priest as they leave while Astra stays silent as she leads them away. They aren’t fast enough to make it to any kind of safety as Estella’s followers catch up to her.

“We’re here to bring you back to your castle, my mistress,” they say.

“My queen.”

“My loving mother.”

“You can drop the act of pretending to be on her side. Ask and we’ll do anything you want to her.”

“I want you to leave us alone!” Estella commands.

“We can’t do that for you.”

“The nun still has her control over her.”

“We’ll bring you back to your senses.”

“If you’re not going to listen to me…”

“Don’t use the power of the demons inside you,” Astra says to Estella.

“I won’t though I don’t like our odds of escaping.”

“We’ll have to make it somehow.”

Astra and Estella fight to escape Estella’s followers, but aren’t able to do much since Estella’s followers use the power of their demons to overwhelm them. The demons feed on the fear of Astra and Estella who gave into their fear rather than trust in God. As a result, they are knocked out and brought back to Estella’s castle.