False Perfection, Truth in Weakness: Chapter 2 – Resisting as Fighting

Chapter 2 – Resisting as Fighting

More days pass, and nothing changes. I keep praying and struggling with my desire to do something. I go out for food and water and feel more overwhelmed by temptations every time. Caiaphas keeps giving me the same advice, and I can feel myself growing spiritually and physically weaker as time goes on. I find myself praying for strength, patience, and wisdom more than the world and others. I’ve lived as a penitential nomad more than in relaxation and luxury in my hundreds of years of living, and yet, this current saga of my life is more testing than any other.

I feel a bit of comfort, and thinking it’s God, I let my guard down and thank God for it. Then, I feel and see warm arms of light wrap around me, and my head begins to feel numb. Looking behind me, I see one of the residents of Lux Mane phasing through the wall like a ghost. Her appearance is like the rest of the people from Lux Mane, as her body is made of a dull but bright golden light, dressed in golden robes, has finger-like wings, and has her eyes closed with a permanent smile on her face.

“Uriel!” Caiaphas says as I’m whisked away through the ground by the woman and into the sky.

Forced to look into the sky for a moment, I see hundreds, if not thousands, of eyes looking at me and the same number of fingers reaching out from the light that touch my head and body and soul, making it more numb. I try to get out of the woman’s grasp, but my strength leaves me, and her firm grasp on my weak body makes it impossible for me to slip out.

“Relax,” she loudly whispers in my ear, her voice gripping my mind as if it were a hand. “You’ll be free and happy soon.”

The grip on my mind makes me faint. Everything around me seems to spiral inward until my vision clears and I see that I’m flying over one of the cities controlled by Lux Mane, its tall buildings all white, like the buildings on their planet are said to be, reflecting the light of the shining planet. The woman carrying me sets me down on a roof where a party is underway. Everyone stops drinking and partying to look at me. The woman bows before a man in white and gold robes and announces who I am and where she found me.

“Heh, looks like you didn’t need to restrain him because he’s done that to himself in more ways than one,” the man in white and gold says. “So, you’re Uriel, the last descendant of the honored Emundatio family? What’s a man like you hiding in a dark hole? You deserve to be in one of the luxurious penthouses, enjoying all the pleasures of life.”

“I don’t need it…I don’t need it…” I say, wanting to say I only want to serve God, but find myself unable to because a large majority of myself is pulling me to want relaxation and pleasures.

“I know what you want. Don’t worry, you’ll get it, my friend. We from and of the Lux Mane don’t punish our enemies. Instead, by the power of the god of Light, we give them what they want.”

“Stop…I’d rather die…”

“No, you wouldn’t. Don’t lie to yourself. It’s a sin, isn’t it?”

With the remainder of my strength, I get up, punch the man in the face, and throw myself over the edge of the building, only to be caught and have my vision blurred and everything become spirals again. Once my vision settles, I see that I’m in some kind of luxurious apartment room with a kitchen, bedroom, couch, TV, computer, and many little decorations. At the entrance of this room is the man in white and gold robes that I punched and three robed women behind him.

“Where am I? I don’t want this,” I say as I get up, still weak, and feeling the effects of the cursed light.

“This is your temporary apartment. We’ll find or build you a proper place to live. A man like you deserves it, so we’ll have it for you soon. Until then, please enjoy it as best you can and enjoy the company,” the man says before backing away and allowing the women to enter.

One woman has a face similar to my mother, another has a face that looks like a woman from hundreds of years ago, and the third looks like another family member. I turn my head as they take off their clothes and approach me.

“Get away from me! This isn’t what I want,” I say.

“Yes, it is,” the man says. “Our god has told us of your tastes. Your temptations gave you a liking to your mother, a young relative, and a nun. Your mother was perverted for allowing her stress to get to her and give in to her rapists; thus, you were also given a similar burden to hers.”

As the women touch me and try to drag me to the bed, the man’s words and what’s suggested make me lose my patience and throw a punch at the face of the woman who looks like my mother, caving her skull in, and killing her in an instant.

“Don’t talk about my mother like that!” I yell.

The man and the two women laugh, and the woman, whom I thought I killed, has her face restored by the light from the outside, comes back to life, and laughs with them.

“Oh, and yes, you have an itch for violence too,” one of the women says. “Your tastes involve sex and violence, the two things all men and women crave the most.”

“Don’t act like you need to prove your strength to anyone. We know you’re better than most men,” the other woman says.

“Yes, most men just give in when given the comfort you have now. Yes, you prove it with your continued struggling against us. That means we should give you something as a reward right now. Come on, let’s go find it for you,” the man says.

An intense light shines from the outside, turning everything I see into spirals yet again. No matter how much I try to pray and fight against it, I can’t help but allow myself to be taken and go along with whatever is happening. My vision settles, and I see that I’m in some beachfront mansion with a nudist beach in front of me. Turning away from the sight, I look at the house, which is also blinding to look at because of how it reflects the light from Lux Mane.

“What do you think, Uriel?” the man in white and gold robes asks. “It’s one of the best in the area. Come on, girls. Help him in. He can’t enjoy the best parts of it outside.”

Three floating women grab my arms and legs, and carry me through the house as the man explains each room and all the decorations. It all looks too familiar.

The man says, “It does look familiar, doesn’t it? We’ve modeled it off your original home and the many other homes you’ve been in and admired. Look, it’s your original room with all your favorite statues and superhero figures, including your mother, father, their mentor, and others. We’ve even filled it with all kinds of familiar faces.”

I shake off the women who are carrying me, and say, “I don’t care what they look like or even if they look like people I’ve loved. Those people are in Heaven. You people are from Hell.”

“How could we be from Hell when we give so much to those who are needy and in need of comfort in their suffering, such as you?”

“You use comfort as a way to manipulate people to fall into sin. Your gifts are tainted with poison, and I will not accept them,” I say while tearing down everything in the house, especially the awards with my name on them and statues of myself.

The three women push me through the ground with the man flying behind them.

“If violence is what you want, then you’ll get more than your fill of it,” the man says.

With a snap of his finger, I’m blinded by a flash of light. A second after, I see myself in some kind of underground fight club and bar where, after the victors win, they have their way with those that they defeated in front of the crowds, take them kicking and screaming away, or let the crowds do what they want with them. Everyone is in their own cage, and in mine, there are many men and women with similar faces to those of people I’ve disliked, to say the least, such as family members who were oppressing the people of Aushalten and got what they deserved.

“Fight and kill them all. After you can do whatever you like to them, or if you don’t, they’ll do whatever they want to you,” the man in white and gold robes says from over my shoulder before disappearing in a flash of light.

Before I can see what’s going on, I’m punched in the face by the brawl that’s been started by everyone.

“Come on, weakling. Can you fight? You can’t do anything but pray and be on your knees all day, can you?” the woman in front of me says as she attacks me.

She throws punch after punch at me that I dodge, losing my temper with each passing second I’m in here.

“Everyone, stop fighting! This is what they want us to do! This is what these sick freaks get off to,” I say.

No one listens to me as they keep fighting. Some of them even say they’re the same sick freaks and want this wholeheartedly. I try running to the sides of the cage, but can’t find a door or break it open, so with no other choice, I defend myself. I kill the woman who’s going after me by clapping my hands around her head, crushing her skull. Picking up her dead body, I use it as a weapon against the others, a tactic I picked up from St. John Elio and his sister saint, killing a few of the others in the process. Five of the fighters in the cage gang up on me all at once, and I counter their attack by allowing the horns on my body to jut out, stabbing them through their arms, legs, and heads.

The crowd is going wild since I’ve so quickly and ruthlessly killed every combatant in the cage. Three robed women present to me a trophy and themselves as the reward.

When I say, “Let the glory be God’s, not mine.” The crowd goes completely quiet.

They seem disgusted by me now. The women try pushing themselves and the trophy on me, saying that they are mine, and God had nothing to do with my victory, but I push them away and crush the trophy into pieces by stepping on it. Angry that I won’t accept them, the women fly at me and threaten to rape me, but I use my extending horns again to kill them before they can touch me.

“Come on. Stop playing hard to get,” the man in white and gold robes says as he descends from the ceiling lights. “This is what you want. We both know it. I can read your mind, heart, and feelings. I know your deepest sins and brightest virtues. You, Uriel, are a violent and lustful man, repressed from getting what you wanted for years, and with the opportunity to finally embrace it, why won’t you take it?”

The people that I killed are touched by the man’s light and brought back to life.

“What you’re sensing is what the weak part of me wants. I refuse to embrace that part of me. Instead, I’ll only embrace the true part of me that God only knows,” I say.

I extend my horns to pierce the man several times in the face, body, legs, and arms. My horns go back into stubs as the crowd gasps and watches the man try to continue flying and keep his smile on his face, even as it wavers.

“If that’s how it’s going to be, then let me introduce you to a happiness beyond comprehension,” the man says before grabbing me and flying me into the light.

“Uriel!” I hear Caiaphas say.

Below, I see Caiaphas tearing through the crowds with barbed wire that comes out of his empty face, his back, and his arms. Usually, he fights people within a half-second, where he also tests them. I’m not sure if he’s doing that or is simply tearing through them as I’m seeing. I try to break out of the man’s grasp, but since we’re going through the ground and are back outside, I feel weakened by the cursed light.

“You’ll thank me for this, Uriel,” the man says. “Prepare yourself to get exactly what you’ve always wanted.”

I no longer feel the strength to do anything with my body as the man takes me into the sky and toward the shining planet of Lux Mane. Looking up at it as I fall unconscious, I see the thousands of eyes in the sky looking at me as their many hands reach for me.

“This is it. The end,” is the last thing I hear a voice say as unconsciousness takes me.