Chapter
3 – The Self Already Defined
I hardly get far into the suburbs
of Meridian before Idelle and Kane find me. Idelle tackles me to the ground and
holds my arms behind my back. I don’t fight back at all as she holds me to the
ground, and Kane catches up.
This is it. It’s over.
Getting off his motorcycle, Kane
stands over me and looks me in the eyes.
“End it,” I say to him. “It’s what I
deserve.”
“I don’t know what you’ve been
doing or who you exactly are, but your fate has changed,” Kane says.
“Huh? Why?”
“I’ve been investigating people
like you before you showed up tonight. There have been scientists and experimenters
who have been taking foreigners, giving them powers, and letting them go on
rampages. Of course, it was easy to believe that these foreigners who had
opposing values would do such a thing, but it happened so often with many of
them not knowing what they were doing that I had to investigate it further. It also
looks like you have similar troubles to what Idelle here has. From what I’ve
read from Coronamento’s files on you, you struggle between the good and evil
side of yourself, right?”
“Sort of. One side completely takes
over while the other can be completely mute. Right now, what can be considered
the good side is in control, but I don’t think either side of me is good.”
“Looking at you now, I see that God
has decided that you deserve mercy and should live out your life in penance,
using the powers you now have to correct your mistakes.”
“That’s what I’ll do then. I was
just trying to lead you to the Coronamento facility where I was experimented
on. Perhaps that place will have the answers you seek in your investigation.”
“I’ll do my work there, but you’ll
have to stay behind with Idelle watching you. They trust me, and I can see whether
they deserve to die or be spared, and can execute justice without starting a
mess.”
“You’ll start a mess and get Polina
and Raziel after you again,” Idelle says.
“Without starting much of a mess,”
Kane clarifies.
“Do what you think is right.”
“I appreciate it. Also, be careful
around the pretty lady. She’ll rip your head off if you give her an excuse to.
I’ve seen it personally.”
“I won’t do anything.”
Kane heads to the Coronamento
facility, while Idelle and I stay in the park of a nearby town in the suburbs.
They’re taking the justice due to
me! I should be there, splattering the walls with the blood of those who experimented
on me and put me in this situation.
No. I already made a mess by myself.
Kane will give me my due justice.
The rest of my life will be arduous
suffering, especially with my family out of it. I cannot wash their blood from
my hands.
Perhaps, by the end, whenever it
comes, I can, and I’ll see them in Heaven.
Idelle grabs my hand and says, “You’re
struggling against yourself, aren’t you?”
“How can you tell?” I ask.
“You’re shaking. I struggle against
the two voices in my head as well, but yours is different than mine. I have one
mind, rather than two in my head.”
Idelle takes her hand off mine.
“They’re both me.”
“Are they? I wish I had what you
had, where one was always right and the other was always wrong.”
“It’s not as good as it seems. The
one who’s right sometimes goes quiet, while the other can take complete
control.”
“I get it. We can’t always be the
best person we’re supposed to be, the one that God made us to be, but we can
always try and improve every day. What you’ve done isn’t out of the ordinary.
Kane and I have both murdered, hurt people, and done regrettable things, so you’re
hardly different from us. Maybe you can work with us.”
“Hmm. Maybe.”
Kane comes back on his motorcycle,
and judging by his appearance, the situation he got into got ugly, which Idelle
also says.
“What can I say? I’m a troublemaker,”
Kane says with a grin on his face. “I’m glad you’re still here, and your good
side is still in control, Zandro. What I found at the facility confirmed my
suspicion that they were people who altered the experiments on foreigners,
criminals, and villains who would reasonably be blamed for their rampages, so
that Coronamento would be enriched and further action would be taken against
criminals, villains, and Nexum and its supporters. Giovanni is going to hate
this. As for you, Zandro, why don’t you join us?”
“Why?”
“I suggested it too,” Idelle says.
“We’re all killers with shady
pasts. Also, I see it on your soul.”
“Do you think you can make it
happen?”
“Given that Giovanni, the head of
the Coronamento Corporation, will want to do you a favor to smooth things out
with you and the public, I don’t see why not. Plus, we know and trust each
other, so it won’t take much convincing.”
“Thank you. Both of you.”
“You have God to thank more than
us. Without His judgment, I would’ve just shot you.”
“Kane,” Idelle says.
“What? I’m just being honest.”
“No, he’s right. Please, introduce
me to your God and beliefs. I’ve been following the wrong one my entire life.”
Kane and Idelle shrug and agree to.
They bring me to a church they go to and talk about what they believe in. It’s
hard for me to take all in at once, and I have many questions, but I’m not expected
to believe it after being just told it and being open-minded. I can’t believe
it’s taken me to realize that the truth doesn’t have to conform to what makes sense
to me and what I’m comfortable with believing. It’ll take some time, like most
things worth doing, but I think I’ll come to completely believe the truth I’m
being taught through the classes that Kane and Idelle sign me up for.
All of a sudden, a group of law
enforcers led by a red-headed woman and a crimson knight, who must be Polina
and Raziel, respectively. Polina questions Kane about my being here; he tells
them everything, and she seems to have a tepid admiration for him, saying that
he’s grown up a bit for sparing me, which he shrugs off. The law enforcers
leave, and we go back to our conversation. By the end of it, I feel like I’m
just beginning my journey in becoming who God made me to be.
It'll be a journey filled with
mistakes, hardships, and times when hope seems lost. I may even lose myself in
my sins again.
The coming times will also be
filled with hope and second chances. I won’t be the self that I defined myself
as, which was full of itself and only operated on its desires and wanted to be
true. I’m going to be the me that God made me to be, fighting against the enemy
within, and using my new powers to fight the enemies outside as well.
To think that my life was being built
up to this moment for it to fall apart and be built up again is annoying. Why
did it have to be this way?
Maybe I won’t know until the
afterlife. Until then, I’ve killed the past version of myself, given it to God
to erase from existence, so that the true me can live and do so correctly in a
way I’ve never known that I’ve wanted until now.
The End
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