Disgraced Piety: Chapter 3 – Self-Control

Chapter 3 – Self-Control

How could I prevent this? What did I do wrong? This shouldn’t be happening to me. These are the thoughts that cycle through the darkness around me, along with the whispers of demons, encouraging me to break out with my own strength and not rely on God or my guardian angel, so I do the opposite as they say.

They continue to say things like, “You obtained your own power without their help.”

“You’re amazing without them.”

“When have they truly answered any of your prayers? You’ve never prayed honestly to them, until now, so why would they help you?”

“You’re on your own. You always have been, so you only have yourself to rely on.”

A tear in the darkness opens that my guardian angel goes through and closes behind him. Why wasn’t it left open for me to escape through?

“You aren’t in literal darkness. Think of it as figurative mind fog. In reality, you flew into more populated parts of the city, and the demons are using the population as your puppets against Thaddeus and Tanith,” my guardian angel explains.

“Terah! You can break through it! If I can do it, I’m sure you can!” Thaddeus says.

“Fight it, Terah! I know you’re not in control of yourself,” Tanith says.

“What do they know?” I hear the demons say in my voice.

“They aren’t as wise or learned as you are. They aren’t as versed in prayers and fighting the demonic as you are.”

“They are still addicted to their passions. Thaddeus still wants thrills, and Tanith still craves the pleasures of the flesh.”

“What can these sinners do for you that you cannot?”

Why are these demons torturing me so, and why do they have so much control over me? Am I not doing everything right?

“You’ve taken out the central area where the cultists operate, put the fear of God into them, and killed the rest, but you’ve yet to purge the demons within,” my guardian angel says. “As I said before, you take life too seriously.”

“If you listen to them, you’ll lose control of your life. Isn’t control over what’s rightfully yours all you’ve ever wanted?” the demons say as one. “When you give them control, you lose control of what you believe in and what you’ll do, the very core of controlling yourself. Are you truly willing to give that up?”

If it means taking back control, then yes. Buildings and skyscrapers from Adamas start to emerge from the void around me. At the top of them, I see people crowned like kings and clergy clothed in the best finery.

“Shouldn’t the truth make sense and be logical? It should fit how I view the truth and fit into the parameters I know to be correct,” one of the people on the towers says.

A green bolt of lightning strikes it, burning the tower and sending it crumbling to the ground.

Another person at the top of a tower says, “A good God should act in a way that I think is good. Otherwise, God is not good at all or non-existent.”

Another green bolt of lightning brings down the tower that the person was speaking from. It’s then that I realize that I feel weightless to the point of floating off the ground. I start flying around the towers that also start floating up into the air, and flying around as if we were caught up in a tornado.

“Everything in life can be managed!” another person says as they struggle to stay at the top of their tower. “Everything can go as I plan if I have the right allies and resources! Even the exact time of my death can be planned! I have the power to decide it all!”

No, you fool. Nothing is in your control. A green bolt of lightning strikes and destroys the last buildings and towers. It’s not over yet, though, as the towers are sucked into a vortex that becomes a towering black and green being who resembles me.

“They couldn’t at least make you look a bit more accurate? You look way better than that,” my guardian angel says.

The shadowy doppelganger swipes at me and tries to grab me, while I struggle to dodge it in the turbulence I’m still caught up in.

“See how helpless you are without control of yourself?” the doppelganger says. “Do it! Regain control, and you will save yourself!”

The doppelganger hits me, sending me flying away, and somehow stretches its arms to grab me so it can repeatedly slam me into the ground. I feel like I can just barely squeeze through its grasp, but something is preventing me.

“Yes, it is. It is you who gave up control to God. Regain control, and you can save yourself. You’ve always saved yourself, and you can do it again if you take control.”

This is a trick. Giving myself control will only do so much. If I escape, I won’t be able to escape this void or the demons I find myself burdened with. Perhaps, if I let it kill me, then Thaddeus and Tanith will be free from the me that is fighting them. If that is what must happen, then let it happen according to your will, Lord.

“Hehehe, you always take things too seriously,” my guardian angel says as it appears in front of me.

My guardian angel passes through my body, electrifying it, making green lightning strike all around me, and freeing me from the doppelganger. Turning to it, I watch as it screams and starts throwing punches at me, which hardly do anything to me.

“Look at how pathetic and helpless your angel is making you. With it, you’ll be helpless for the rest of your life, and you’ll never do what you want to again. You’ll have to do as God says to the letter, without you deviating from it in the slightest, no matter how little sense your orders will be,” the doppelganger says.

So be it, according to His will, not mine. One single strike of green lightning comes down to destroy the doppelganger and disperse the void around me. Looking down at myself, I see that I’m wearing the dark green cloak that my guardian angel does. I feel more empowered than I did before, and yet, I have to keep a lid on it and in control.

“Ah, you can let loose when the time comes,” my guardian angel says. “Speaking of that, we’d better go help your new friends. The cultists brought in reinforcements from the neighboring towns and cities around Adamas.”

It’s no wonder that the demons have so much control over the capital, and the temptations are so harsh.

“They’re only harsh because you let them be, and God allows it. You’re still new to not indulging your desire for power and control, so those wounds in your soul need time to heal.”

You’re right. Guide me in the right paths, my guardian angel, and help me not to misstep on my path to Heaven. Teach me the ways of God.

“I will, but first, let’s send the demons back to Hell where they belong.”

I fly up into the air and head towards the explosions in Adamas, all the while praying and hoping that I’ll arrive in time to help Thaddeus and Tanith.

“Oh, you will be. I’ll make sure of it.”

Nothing is suspenseful or uncertain with you, is it?

“Nothing is when you put your full trust in God.”