Last Penance: Chapter 1 – A Sudden Change of Heart

Chapter 1 – A Sudden Change of Heart

My father was Bishop Sergius, a humble clergy member with nothing special about him other than his position and the fact that he had a secret relationship with a member of the royalty despite his vow of celibacy. During one of their secret visits together, things got heated between them and later it was discovered that my mother had become pregnant with me. My mother thought about getting rid of me to save both their reputations, but my father convinced her to keep me and to secretly give me up for adoption after I was born. She agreed, however, my father changed his mind after seeing my face after I was born. He wanted to keep me so badly that he approached the archbishops and cardinals of the region of Eastern Europe with rags on, presented his bishop’s robes and jewelry up to them, confessed what he did, and said to take away his status as bishop as punishment and make sure I would get a good upbringing.

Moved by his confession, the archbishops and cardinals let him keep his position as bishop and keep me as his child, but for a year, he was not allowed to say mass or use his status as bishop for anything and he had to live in poverty at a monastery. On the other hand, when given the opportunity to confess her sins, my mother thought the decision of the bishops was a mistake and begged them to take me while she kept her power and possessions. Because of this, she was exiled from her home for five years and was not allowed to see me, my father, or any of her relatives or acquaintances unless they wanted to see her. Enraged by their decision, my mother later tried killing me while I was in the monastery, but my father and monks managed to stop her and she was publicly executed for the attempted murder of an infant and her child. While I was growing up, I never heard anything good said about her other than she seemed like a decent person on the surface with my father saying the nicest things about her, but they were mostly general things such as she was pretty and mannerly.

For the rest of my younger years, I was taught by priests and given the best education even after my father died while I was at university studying so I could learn how to repair the technology of the past and be a doctor. During this time, the Great Treachery took place, the entire Eastern European region became a wasteland, and the survivors became what is known as ratmen. Pope Sylvatic and those loyal to him such as his general named Sars and head researcher named Ischemic were somehow alive despite being at the center of the disaster, saw their mutations as blessings, and told his followers to find out what the world was doing now. From then on, he’s been making moves to take back the papacy that’s been taken from him since it’s been thought he was dead by force to show his power and to punish the Church for thinking he was dead. He’s sent out legions of ratmen to infest the world, building undercities in and around major and minor cities and towns and kidnapping people to experiment on and turn into ratmen since women can’t become one.

This is the area of expertise I was put into under the command of Ischemic. With him, I experimented on many kidnapped women and tried to make them into ratmen. When that didn’t work, I tried making the existing ratmen into women, which also didn’t work. In hindsight, there’s no reason why it could because manipulating the flesh of a being doesn’t make it into something it isn’t. It only makes it a thing with the flesh of another. This is probably the experiment I regret doing the most since there are many ratmen out there now parading around as women even though they are not with their womanly voices and forms and are even having sex with them and acting as if they are true women, which disgusts me to no end.

Moving on from that, after many failed experiments, I managed to make it so that a human woman could have ratmen children after being injected with various chemicals and having procreated with a ratman. The result ends in the death of the woman when the ten or so ratmen infants are born as the children would burst from her stomach and eat her alive, however, the resulting children will also grow up faster than normal children and be around the physical age of twenty-one by the time they are five years old. My accomplishments are celebrated and the Holy Vicar has rewarded me for my efforts for what seemed to be a miraculous breakthrough. I thought I really had found my true calling in life and that God was on my side. My experiments led to Vicar Sylvatic’s eventual takeover of the world and domination of the ratmen. That was until I saw my father in a dream. He appeared as he did as I always pictured him with his red and gold bishop robes with a supernatural and warm light that wrapped around him like a cloak.

He told me, “My son, Ziotogora, it is time to repent and do penance for your years of sin and inhumane experimentation.”

“You look like my father and sound like him, but you speak nonsense. The results of my experiments and their use by the Holy Vicar are self-evidently that of Divine Providence and approval,” I responded.

“Through God’s grace, I will open your eyes to your atrocities so that you may turn from them and walk the path of redemption.”

As I looked into my father’s kind green eyes and soft smile, I couldn’t help but believe this was my father. When I woke up, it felt as if I woke up from a drunken night of debauchery and was now feeling the effects of it. Regret began to fill my heart as I remembered my many victims and their cries. My head ached with the pain while remembering the sights of tortured victims and mothers being eaten alive by their children.

“What have I done?” I asked myself. “Why did God allow me to do these things without stopping me? Death would have been preferable than to live with this regret.”

I wrestled with my questions going back and forth, relapsing into my previous way of thinking, and then repenting on my knees afterward. This went on for hours and hours until I had fallen asleep after overthinking it for so long. The next day came and I was expected to go to work to continue with my experiments, but I decided to take a break, and thankfully, my request was granted because of my many years of relentless hard work and positive results. Again, I wrestled with my questions in prayer and panic for the entire day without getting any real rest. I could hardly eat especially since most of my meals were that of human meat. It was then I cursed myself for discovering that a ratman’s body operates better after consuming human flesh. The flesh of animals, fish, and the vegetation of the earth has to be consumed in three times the amount to match the satisfaction and strength that only comes from human flesh, and there’s another question. Why does God allow it to be this way?

I took the next two days off to wrestle with my questions until, on the third day, I met with Ischemic who wanted to see me because he was concerned about my health and sudden break in my research. Now in the present moment, I sit with him as he eats the corpse of a high elf while we watch a battle happen in the distance. Again, I curse myself for discovering that a ratman’s digestion makes no distinction between normal human flesh and that of the flesh of elves, orcs, beastmen, and other minor variations of humans such as those from Canis, Noctua, and Polypus. Ahead of us, we watch a battle between our forces and those of Canis and the orcs Bernhard. Part of me wants this battle to go poorly for us so I can go on the quest my father wants me to, but I don’t think that’ll happen. The forces of the ratmen are superior in this fight, and the best army in the world. I know that for sure since I helped build it.

Despite Canis having soldiers who can wield white flames that are devasting to most forces, we can melt them with acids from our cannons that their white fires cannot put out. From there, it should only be a matter of time before all the headstrong soldiers are killed by our overwhelming forces, especially the mutated ones such as the ratmen who share one huge, mutated body that is the size of a building and runs with the force of an elephant and speed of a lion.

“Tell me, my friend. What’s been troubling you?” Ischemic says with a mouth full of food.

“I’ve just been pondering certain questions in my head and allowing myself to rest,” I answer.

“Then rest and enjoy yourself! You’ve earned it after generations of hard work and brilliant discoveries. Would you like to eat some high elf like I am? They’re rare to obtain, but delicious nevertheless and kept only for men of honor like us.”

“I’m not hungry at the moment.”

“How about you move your attention from the entertainment in front of us to the entertainment around us?”

The so-called “entertainment” he is talking about is the ratmen who appear to be ratmen women but aren’t dancing in thin silk and jewelry around us. I know in my soul that these people are still men despite having breasts, female-like faces, and feminine voices. It is with great shame that I must admit that I have had the feelings of indulging my desire to have my way with them as many ratmen do, but I have managed to curb my desires, especially with the clarity given to me by my father. Still, I know why the ratmen give in. Ever since becoming ratmen, our nerves and feelings such as anger, lust, and impatience have been amplified leading to a great need to let out these feelings in some way. Even the men who chose to undergo surgeries to appear to be a female version of a ratman do this for this purpose as far as I can tell from the ones that I questioned.

Regardless, they are all blinded by their passions. We are all blinded. I must admit that my passion for research and experimentation to make a name for myself has blinded me to what I was doing for it to only now give me feelings of disgust, regret, and question if what I’m doing is really correct.

“I see you are still in deep thought,” Ischemic says with a dancer in each arm. “Did you not come here to relax? I know I struggle to give my genius mind the rest it needs, so I know how you feel. It is only thanks to the blessing that God has given us as ratmen that we’ve been able to work so long and come up with so many genius ideas without much rest, and I thank Him every day for it.”

Keeping quiet and my eyes on the battle ahead of us, I can’t help but want something to change now and get me out of this situation. Before I know it, the battle is over and we have won.

“Ah, another glorious victory for the Holy Vicar, God, and us,” Ischemic says.

“It was…a predictable one,” I say.

“As are most of our victories. That is why I like being on the frontlines since being back here can be boring even if it does give me a sense of catharsis to see the fruits of my experiments. As for the spoils of our victories, I do hope there are some orc women who are still alive. The ratmen children produced from them are stronger than most though I can’t figure out why the ratmen children born from humans who can use magic can’t use magic themselves despite other human children being able to use the magic of both parents.”

“It’s something I haven’t figured out yet.”

“I can’t wait to make that breakthrough. Imagine ratmen who can use fire magic like the men of Canis. I do hope we have subjects from there to experiment on to further our research, and if there aren’t any, at least their flesh is spicy and gives me a rush to eat, unlike other humans. I know they’re your favorite, so I’ll allow you to take your pick, but please, save some for me.”

“Of course.”

While I sit and think about what else I can do today, the familiar voice of my father speaks into my ear as if he were actually here.

He says, “It’s time, Ziotogora. Take the opportunity to leave when you see it. It is your only chance.”

“Huh?!” I say as I jolt up from my seat and look around.

“Is something the matter?” Ischemic asks.

“Didn’t you hear…”

Before I can form my thoughts into words, an explosion behind us turns Ischemic and I’s attention back to the battlefield that is now being filled with soldiers from Polypus who are using their ice magic and soldiers from Onocrotalus who are using blood magic.

“Soldiers from Onocrotalus!” Ischemic says as he throws away his dancers to get a closer look at the battle. “What rare specimens! I need them for my research.”

From my experience, the people of Onocrotalus are functionally immortal. I’ve cut them up into many pieces and they’ve managed to reform themselves every time, and no matter how well they were secured, they’ve always managed to escape my grasp because of a crimson mist that appears around them. The people of Polypus are not as resilient as those from Onocrotalus, but they are magical people and have mysteries of their own I’d like to solve, the first one being why the two are working together here of all places. Both kingdoms are self-isolating from the rest and don’t get involved in the affairs of others unless it’s of major importance. They couldn’t possibly be here because…is my role in God’s plan that important? Are they here to create a distraction so I can escape?

This has to be the chance my father was talking about. There’s no other explanation for it that is coming to my mind, so I have no choice but to take it. It’s too perfect not to take, especially since Ischemic appears to be itching to get into the fight so he can get his valuable test subjects.

“Ischemic, this appears to be a good a battle as any to get involved in,” I say.

“Yes, yes, yes, I’d like very much to get involved, but should I really? Even though my experiments on myself give me a similar immortality to the men of Onocrotalus, I can only do so much when my head and limbs keep getting cut off,” Ischemic says with a foaming mouth.

“So what? The fruits of your research and determination to succeed will carry you through. Are you truly willing to pass on this rare opportunity to obtain such rare test subjects?”

“Oh, Ziotogora, you know how to tempt me too well. Yes, yes, yes! I will rush into the bloodshed and obtain what is rightfully mine and feast in this bounty that the Lord has blessed us with. Come with me, my friend! Our next breakthrough awaits!”

Heading into the battle with Ischemic, I ready myself, say a silent prayer to God, and ask for my father’s intercession for protection. The prayer seems to be answered as I manage to pass through the chaos of the battle without injury. I get the idea of making it seem like I died during the battles, so I strip myself of my garments and leave them on the ground to be stamped over and blood spilled upon. It’s disgraceful to be in this “nude” state, but it’s necessary so that I’m not sought after. Even if they don’t buy the idea due to the lack of a body, it should at least give me somewhat of a head start.

After dodging and crawling through the chaos of the battle, I manage to get some distance from it and hide in the hole of a nearby tunnel. I check myself for injuries and don’t find a scratch.

“Thank you, father,” I say while crossing myself.

“Ziotogora, my son,” the voice of my father says as if his face was right by my ear. “I am proud of you and overjoyed that you are on the path of redeeming your soul. You must now go to the Vatican and eliminate the surrounding undercities as a way to inform the Church of the true magnitude of the threat of Vicar Sylvatic.”

“That…that would be suicide to do on my own!”

“I will be with you, you will have God’s favor, and you will find a man near your destination who will be your credible witness that will speak of the validity of your claims. I trust that you will also come up with a plan that will make the destruction of the undercities possible. You are a genius after all.”

“That I am. Well, since I am on this path now, I guess there’s no going back, is there? Father?”

I don’t receive an answer from my father no matter how long I wait or what I ask, so I make my way through the underground tunnels and towards my destination. Perhaps the answers to my questions will come to me along the way or when I need them most. Please, father, make it so.