Chapter 4 – Freeing Chains,
Sweet Dogma
Stuck in her cell with only her
thoughts to accompany her, Quem paces around the room to keep herself active
and from dying of boredom. She’s been given books and visited by many priests
and family to get her to change, however, she’s ignored the books and hasn’t
been listening to anyone who has visited her. While doing community service,
she’s done more harm than good and has tried to escape on multiple occasions.
Currently, she is considered a lost cause and is set to live the rest of her
life in prison unless something changes.
“How dare they do this to me. I don’t
deserve this,” Quem says to herself every single day ever since the day she was
put in prison.
“Who are you to decide what you
deserve?” a voice says.
This voice sounds as if they are
coming directly from the walls, floor, and ceiling around her.
“Who are you to question me? Who
are you? Show yourself, coward!”
Half a person comes out of a wall
who looks almost exactly like Quem except this one is decorated in jewelry and
crowned with gold.
“I said it! I decide what I deserve.”
“Who and what are you? You aren’t
me.”
“You’re right. I’m not because I wouldn’t
be stuck in a cell. Regis wouldn’t have denied my marriage proposal. I would’ve
been like a queen in a castle with him rather than a slave tending to horses
and a farm. I should’ve gotten support for every action that I’ve done after
doing so much work for so little.”
“But that’s not what happened.”
“Because of that, I stole and even
killed to get what I felt I deserve, what I know I deserve! Looks where that’s
put me! There’s no such thing as justice in this world if I can’t get what I know
is mine!”
“There is justice,” a new voice
says from a different wall.
The version of Quem with a crown goes
limb as if her soul was instantly taken out of her. Another version of Quem
comes out of a different wall. This one is dressed in black and wears a black
veil.
“Justice put me in this cell for my
sins. I’ve done so many crimes that I should’ve never been born. I
should’ve never hurt Regis the way I did. God have mercy on me for having murdered
and stolen from people I was jealous of!
I should just end it all now and bang my head against the wall until I die!”
“No, I can’t!”
“Why not? I’m nothing but trouble
to everyone I meet. How could I ever atone for what I’ve done? I’ll always be
this way even if I try to change. What’s the point of even living? I’ll never
be happy. I’ll never live the way I want to live. I’ll never be the person I want
to be!”
“Who cares about that?!” another
voice says from a different wall.
Again, the other version of Quem goes
limb and another one comes out of the wall, however, this one is more disturbing
in that this version of her has skin that’s completely red with veins popping
out of it, which are hardly hidden by her dress made out of crimson and black chains
that appear to be on fire. Horns adorn her head and her eyes are orange and
yellow.
“Who cares about being right or
wrong? I only care about doing what I want no matter the cost or what other
people think. What’s the point in living life if you don’t live it how you want
to?”
“I tried to live how I wanted
to and it put me here!”
“So what? If one thing doesn’t work,
redefine yourself. If that doesn’t work, do something else. I’ve never been
consistent in life. No one ever is. I should run away the next chance I get and
if they kill me while I try, then I died fighting for my due freedom. If not,
then lucky me.”
“I don’t know if I should do that.”
“Why not? Are you still bothered by
what’s right and wrong? Who cares about morals? They’re just used by those
above us to make us act like they want or ‘in the best interests of humanity’
whatever that means. Do what you want and justify yourself by any means. Good
and evil are all a matter of perspective after all.”
“I don’t know what I should do.”
“Do what you want!” all three
versions of her say before arguing among themselves.
Between the three versions of
herself, Quem hears three arguments; that she’s pathetic and should just end
herself, that she does nothing wrong, and that she can do no wrong. The arguing
and contradictions within herself tear her mind apart. Eventually, she falls to
her knees, begs for silence, and asks someone to help her decide what to do. A few seconds of chaos pass until a deafening silence suddenly muffles
the noise in the cell.
“I can help you discover yourself,”
a new voice says that’s unlike Quem’s.
“Who are you and how can you help
me? How do you know me?” Quem asks.
“I am the one who made your heart.
I am the only one who knows you better than you know yourself.”
“What a preposterous claim. How can
you know me better than I know myself?”
“Have you seen all the versions of
yourself recently and heard what they said?”
“I see your point. So, how can you
help me?”
“Give Me your trust and You’ll see.”
Quem reaches out to a hand in that
she sees in the dark corner of her cell. Once she touches the hand, she is
blinded by a light that wakes her up and makes her realize that she’s been
looking in a mirror the entire time. Happy to see herself, she genuinely laughs
and smiles for the first time in a while and then starts praying and reading as
the voice of God tells her. Over the next few days, she learns who she is,
starts praying, and sings God’s praises to an infectious degree that the
other prisoners sing with her. Unsure of what’s happening, the guards go to the
source of the singing after questioning the prisoners and are surprised to find
that it’s Quem.
At first, they are unsure if she is
the same person who was put in the cell because of her smile and what she says
about God. This is enough to convince a couple of the guards that they are
looking at a completely different woman but they can’t explain what happened to
the original Quem. After she talks to the guards, priests, and her parents over
several days, they are convinced she’s repented and completely changed. Over three years, she’s paid her price for her crimes through
community service and is now a nun. Quem is now her community’s example of what
repentance and faith in God can do to a person and is brought out to share her
experience and story at many events. Through her work, Quem converts many
people to change and becomes an inspiring example to follow to even the most
religious and faithful. During one of the events, she is questioned about how
exactly she changed and what is the winning formula to do to follow her example.
“That’s both a simple and complex
answer,” Quem admits. “When I was lost in my sin, my mind and priorities were
constantly changing. I didn’t know what to do and just did the first thing that
came to my mind that I thought made sense. It was a horrible cage to live in
and I was a tyrant whose rules could change at a moment’s notice. Then, when I let
God direct me and become the ruler of my life, I became free. It may sound like a
contradiction, but it’s true that we only become free when we constrain
ourselves with God’s truth since He is always true. He is the Lord and Creator
of my heart and knows what I want even when I don’t know what I want. His rules
act as a guide to doing what is right and to act as the person I am truly meant
to be. Because of that, my answer is this. The winning formula is simply to let
God take control with no reservations or holding back anything. It’s not always
clear when a major change will happen or if it is currently happening, but just
know that God is always with us and always wants the best for us. Even if we
may disagree with Him and fight against Him at every turn, He will continue to
try to save us from ourselves until the last moments of our lives.”
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