All According to the Divine Plan: Chapter 3 – Struggling with the Changes

Chapter 3 – Struggling with the Changes

It’s nighttime after a long day together. For the last few hours of the day, Connor and I ate dinner that I made and snuggled next to each other on the couch while watching TV. He gave me a kiss goodnight and said that he loves me and I said it back. Tomorrow, we’re supposed to spend even more time with each other, but I can’t wait that long, especially after what happened today, so I sneak into his room and lay down next to him.

Looking at his cute face and being this close to him is comforting and makes me feel so happy and at peace. His arms are at his side. What if I…Now I’m laying down on top of him. Ah! His arms are holding me now. Is he awake? Even while he’s sleeping, he has that cute smile on his face that seems to be even happier now. Hmm. What if…I could take off his shirt. He might not like it, but I’m his girlfriend now and going to be his wife. There’s nothing wrong with it. If he doesn’t like it, I could strap him down and have my way with him and…

…

No, no, no. That’d be wrong to do. What am I thinking?

“Demons are tempting you again.”

Could you get rid of them for me and get me out of this situation? I wouldn’t want to hurt Connor or do something he’d hate me for.

“Already on it. I’ll get Connor’s arms off you.”

When I get off Connor, the dirty thoughts go away. I then fall asleep and wake up later and see that Connor and I were holding one another and me having one of my legs over him.

“Good-good morning.”

“Ah! What are you doing here?!” Connor says while jutting away from me as I still hold him.

“Calm down. I just want to, uhh, snuggle with you. There’s nothing wrong with that now that we’re in a relationship.”

“There kind of is. It could invite temptations in your mind if you’re not careful.”

He’s not wrong about that. “I’m sorry.”

Connor kisses me and gets out of bed. “It’s okay. I’ll make breakfast today.”

“No, that’s my job!” I say while pulling Connor back down to the bed and heading to the kitchen to make…

“Sausage and eggs.”

Yes! That! After eating with Connor, we talk about what we should do today. Honestly, if had the bravery to say it, I’d tell him that I’d want to be near him all day, but after what happened this morning, I let him decide.

“How about you introduce me to your parents and I introduce you to mine?”

“Introducing you to my parents is a horrible idea. Why do we even have to do it anyway?”

“It’s just a traditional thing to do. Besides, we’re going to be married and seeing them a lot too.”

“Well, I haven’t talked to them in years since they kicked me out of the house.”

“Why did they do that?”

“Because they wanted me to fend for myself when I turned eighteen. I had to find a job, a place to live, and go to college all by myself without anyone’s help.”

“That sucks, but they must’ve thought you were-”

“They didn’t think anything of me. The only thing they cared about was going on vacations, buying a thousand and one pieces of clothing, decorations for the house, and having lots of money to spend. I would typically be by myself in the care of a babysitter or one of their friends. In fact, I hardly spent any real time with them because of how much they loved to go out with each other while leaving me behind. Please, can we just forget about them like how they forgot about me?”

“They’re still your parents and maybe they’ll change when they see me and see how you’re changing after what you’ve been through.”

“Eh. I don’t like it. I don’t even have their number or know if there’s a way to contact them.”

“It should be simple with the internet. They also seem like the type of people to post everything they do on social media. What’s their names and where do you remember them living?” After telling Connor what he wants to know, he looks on the internet for them and seems to be concerned for a second. “Are these them?”

He hands me his phone with pictures of two people on it.

“Yup. They look way older and miserable in this picture than I remember, but this is definitely them.” I hand Connor back his phone. Now he looks really concerned. “What is it?”

“…I’m sorry that there’s no easy way to say this, but they died a few years ago. Do you want to know how?”

“Sure.” Part of me is relieved that they’re dead, and yet, a more minor part is upset for some reason completely unknown to me.

“Their neighbors were wondering why they didn’t see your parents for a while and assumed they were on another trip, but they eventually got curious and took a look inside to see your dad dead on the floor. The neighbors called the police so they could get the door open. They found your mom downstairs dead under some heavy boxes. Apparently, both died from heart disease, however, they didn’t die quickly according to the medical examiner.”

“I figured they would die like that one. In fact, I hoped they would. They got what they deserved.”

“How could you say that about your parents?”

“Because I hate them if I haven’t made that clear enough.”

“I found where they are buried. We should go see them.”

“Why? It’d be a waste of time to visit those rotting pieces of crap.”

“Again, they’re your parents. You should pay them some respect. What could they possibly do to you now that they’re dead?”

“Fine, let’s go and get this over with since you’re so adamant about it.” Connor takes me on about a thirty-five-minute drive to where my parents are buried. When we find their gravestone, I can’t help but feel that same split feeling of hatred and sympathy at the same time again.

Next to me, Connor silently prays. Is he praying for them? For what reason?

“Just in case their souls are in Purgatory, a place where repentant souls are purified before going to Heaven.”

Pfft. If anything, they’re probably in Hell. Do you know where their souls are?

“God has not allowed me access to that information.”

What information do you have access to? Were the circumstances of their deaths a punishment for what they did?

“Yes, it was. It was also their last chance to repent, however, I don’t know if they did.”

They probably didn’t. They never thought they were ever wrong. I spit on their graves and kick the gravestone over and over again. “Trash. See this, mom and dad? I’m going to be happier than you ever were. I hope it makes you jealous and your time in Hell worse.”

“Gabriella, stop!”

“No! Let go of me! I have to make them pay!” Turning around, I try to slap Connor from stopping me from kicking my parent’s grave. He stops my hand and slaps me in the face instead.

“Control yourself! Kicking their graves isn’t going to make you happier or make them pay for what they’ve done to you.”

“But it is making me happier! What should I be doing then?”

“This is going to sound weird and hard for you to do, but you should forgive them and let go of the grievances you have against them. It’s the only way to get over them.”

“I don’t know if I could ever forgive them even if they came back to life and profusely apologized to me.”

“That’s why God brought me and you together. I’ll help you move on from your anger.”

Connor hugs and kisses me before asking me if I would like to go somewhere before we go out to dinner and I agree and randomly think of going to the nearby shopping outlet. It’s where I used to go at least once every other week. To me, it was like going to a prize corner after work to cash in my paycheck to reward myself for all my work. Now, it reminds me of my parents always buying themselves things and how I’m so much like them than I’d like to admit. Because of that, I look around in the stores but don’t get anything even when Connor offers to buy me something. Even so, he buys me some clothes so I don’t have to keep wearing his.

After spending some time at the outlets, we go to a restaurant that’s also a bar. While waiting to be seated, I catch a group of women looking at Connor, pointing at him, and presumably whispering about him, so I hold his arm, put my leg over his, and nest my head under his.

“Hm? Is something the matter, Gabriella?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Good. He’s not noticing them at all, which means he only has eyes for me. I don’t know why I think he wouldn’t. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. We’re called up to be seated and one of the women slaps Connor in the butt.

 The woman who did it jokingly apologizes while giggling. I push Connor aside and get in the woman’s face. “He’s mine, hags. Piss off.” If it wasn’t for Connor pulling me back, I would’ve slammed the woman’s head into the back of the wall and fought off her friends. Thankfully also, the women look scared of me and nothing else happens during and after we eat dinner.

While sitting down watching TV back at home, I can’t help but think about what happened today. “Hey, I’m sorry for trying to hit you and losing my temper today.”

“It’s okay. We’ll work on that together. Tomorrow we’ll go to church and then meet my parents for brunch.”

“Do they already know we’re coming over and our relationship?”

“Yup. I called and talked to them about it when I went to the bathroom during dinner.”

It didn’t occur to me that he was talking to his parents then. “I’m a little nervous about this, especially going to church since I never went there before. Maybe I should sit this Sunday out until I’m more religious like you are?”

“You have to start somewhere. Don’t worry about it. Just do what I tell you and relax. No one is going to point out that it’s your first time there.”

“Um. Okay, I guess.” For the rest of the night, I wait till Connor falls asleep first and he seems to be doing the same so he can go to bed, but I beat him by staying up the longest. I then quietly and carefully turn off the TV and put the blanket on both of us so we can snuggle together on the couch. To make sure that he doesn’t sneak away from me, I put one of my legs over him and hold him in my arms. “I love you,” I say before kissing him and falling asleep.