Who am I? I know for sure that my
name is Renata, that my family and friends love me, and that I’m good at designing
and making tools for dolls like myself, but what is my true purpose in life beyond
this? What is the meaning in every action I make? What is the end goal? What is
the purpose of it all if someone is going to take my place after I am gone?
When I asked my parents about it,
they told me about the Doll Factory Creator and the instructions he gave for
all dolls to follow. My parents say they follow the rules, but I don’t even
have the legs that the doll manual says that I was meant to have. Very few follow
the rules and even fewer know what the rules exactly are or even care what they
are. I’m designed just like all the other young dolls with an arm made of gears
to keep the machines in the factory moving and a strong metal arm to carry
heavy objects and cut materials. I guess I don’t need legs because I can walk on my
two arms like the others, but I can also climb walls and ceilings since my arm
can cut into the wall and my gears are as sharp as a saw blade that can also
cut into things. Many gears run throughout the factory that
I can put my gear arm into for easy transport.
These tools don’t feel natural to
me although I need these every day. I look to my parents for
inspiration for what I should do and find little direction that feels satisfying.
My father is an innovator and toolmaker. He’s always looking forward to the good
future that his tools could create and how easier our lives can be with them. I
look up to him for his work ethic, but I wish he would be home more and wouldn’t
work himself to sickness every now and then.
My mother, on the other hand, sees
goodness, truth, and purpose in everything. It’s why she put so many eyes on
her face, so she can see it all. She’s content in making dresses, tuxedos, and
other fancy clothes for dolls. People say that I have her hair and her capacity
to see good in everything while they also say that I have my father’s eyes,
smile, and forward thinking attitude. I’m going to combine these attitudes to search
the factory for my true purpose and I’m going to look for it everywhere I can. After
getting my parent’s permission to take off for a week, I begin my search.
Starting with my hometown, I see many in this town built within this factory
who are content with doing the same things daily and carrying
the same general traditions as their parents.
I put my gear arm into the gears
above and ride the path to get to a vantage point near a window that will give
me a view of the entire area. These windows are a curious thing. It’s either
too bright or dark outside to see. The windows can’t be broken and there’s no
record of a door that leads outside. This leads many to believe that the
outside world where the Doll Creator is said to go is nonexistent or
unreachable by normal means. Nobody has seen the Creator and the only hint of
his appearance is our own since it is said that we are made in his image and
his love. How can a Creator love his creation if he’s seemingly never around?
His existence could be self-evident because of the factory’s creation, how it
works, and everything in it or it could be explained by so-called natural phenomena
though I’m not sure how that could be possible given that nature follows rules
like how a child implies the existence of their parent, so I believe in his
existence.
Though I may have to speak to people
who don’t believe, I will find the truth behind the factory and myself. I take
one last look at my home, the churches, schools, the bustling marketplace where
people buy doll parts to fit their lifestyle more than food and water, and the
traffic of dolls that live the lives they choose to accept. For now, the life
of looking for my purpose is the one I choose to walk. Maybe I’m wasting my
time and I’m just meant to be what my parents say, but I know there’s more.
Even if I have to change my entire lifestyle, everything I believe, and the way
I look, I will find the answers to how I should live.
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