Chapter 4 – Overwhelming Guilt
The letter contained within the envelope is signed with the names of everyone that Vito knows with various other signatures cover the front and back. These other signatures are unreadable, so he assumes that these are from the people that he didn’t know that he was trying to help. Most of the areas listed on the envelope aren’t in town. Instead, they’re addresses he remembers being back in Hillside City. He ignores them and goes to the only place in town, which is a hospital.
The dark interior of the hospital somehow triggers Vito’s memory of his first time there. His mom brought him to work that day to show him what’s it’s like. She did this with her other children to inspire them to help other people who are in need, however, this time was different from the rest. Every patient they went too was either about to die or died moments before they enter. This made Vito feel like he was the cause of their deaths when in reality, it was all a coincidence. This didn’t stop Vito from learning to care about others, but he grew up wanting to save as many people as possible despite his limited reach. He would donate money to causes across the country. If he heard someone in that cause die, he felt responsible and donated more money to that cause. Because of this, he didn’t have a habit of spending money on comics, clothes, or video games like a normal boy. Instead, he spent his money on helping other people. His siblings would lend him their toys, games, and clothes. He wouldn’t have any to call his own until he was thirteen years old. This he didn’t mind as long as he heard that someone was saved through his efforts.
His phone in his pockets wakes him up from his memory. Vito is now in a different part of the hospital floors above where he once was. When he looks at his phone, he sees that the battery sits at zero percent, and yet, it still rings. The caller ID is his mother.
“Hello?” he says as he renters a memory.
“Hello, sweetie. Are you coming over to visit us?”
“I’ll be there this afternoon, mom. I’ve got to get some work done first.”
“Okay, I see how much your father and I matter to you.”
“No, it’s not that at all mom!”
“I’m just kidding, calm down. Your brothers and sisters will be here soon, so it’ll be a big family get together.”
“Yeah.”
“Well…We’ll be waiting for you.”
“Bye, mom. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
During that day, Vito wanted to finish some repairs on a few cop cars before seeing his parent’s in the hospital. They both happen to have a life-threatening disease, but it hadn’t taken its effect until during Vito was doing his job. After finishing his job, he saw that he had a bunch of messages and missed calls about his parents dying. By the time he got to the hospital, they were dead. His brothers and sisters yelled at him about not being there. Vito gave his explanation as to why he wasn’t there in time. His phone was charging in his office and he couldn’t hear it go off while he was working. They half-heartedly accepted his excuse, but he didn’t. He felt that his parents would’ve held onto life if he was there along with his siblings.
Vito lifts his tear stained face to see the bodies of his parents in the hospital after reliving the memory. Both of his parents are at peace as they hold each other’s hand. Despite their happy death, he still feels guilty and ashamed of himself.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” his parents whisper.
“I’m sorry mom…dad. I’m not sure if I could ever forgive myself.”
His phone then rings again. Vito knows what call this is going to be, but he is forced to pick it anyway as his past memories come to life.
It was a normal workday. His now pregnant wife was dropping off their child to school before going to work like usual. While he washed the dishes before heading to work, he overheard the news talk about the somewhat unusual amounts of traffic on the roads. The roads that were talked about were the ones that his wife usually took to get their daughter to school. Vito didn’t think to call his wife about the traffic since he knew that his wife listened to the traffic reports anyway, so he didn’t think too much of it. He thought she would already know about the traffic and either go through it or around it and complain to him later about the traffic on the roads. This occurrence was normal, but today, there was an unfortunate accident. An inpatient driver caused this and because of them, Vito’s wife, child, and unborn child died as well. This time, he felt guilty for not calling his wife and telling her about it even though she would know about it.
The memory has led him to another room with the bodies of his family covered by sheets that are stained black. He kneels by the bed as he cries again.
“Don’t blame yourself,” his family whispers.
“I’m sorry. I’m not sure if I can’t,” Vito responds in a shaky voice.
Looking up, he can see that he’s in a room full of covered bodies. For some reason, his mind immediately thinks of all the kinds of people he could’ve saved through his actions.
“Don’t blame yourself,” they whisper.
“You couldn’t have done anything.”
“You didn’t know.”
“You’re innocent.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“Get over it.”
“Leave it in the past.”
The bodies begin to sit up from their beds as it appears that they’re staring at him. Frightened by this he quickly leaves the room even though the bodies don’t do anything. He’s now on the outside of the hospital. The sky has appeared to have gotten darker as well as the ash that falls from the sky. As a result, the streets are colored black, and the air feels thicker. The fog is thicker as well, and Vito can barely see ahead of him. A stitched-together person, who’s wearing a mailman’s outfit, appears through the fog. He walks up to Vito and hands him a piece of paper.
“I’m done with these stupid letters! They aren’t doing anything for me,” he yells at the stitched mailman.
The mailman points to the letter and Vito reads it. It tells him to make his choice. Leave or stay. He gives it a long hard think, but he’s torn between both choices.
“What if I don’t know yet?”
The mailman then points at the cross that Vito is wearing.
“Oh, of course. I remember now. Uh, thanks.”
The mailman tips his hat then walks away. Needing a more direct answer, Vito heads to the church and finds the priest kneeling near the altar. The priest is wearing a veil over his head to cover his face. Vito assumes this is because the priest is another stitched together person but doesn’t mind it for now.
He goes up to the priest, kneels near the altar, then says, “I’m back, father.”
“And? What did you find out?”
“I’m not sure. It doesn’t seem like I’m guilty of much of anything, but I always feel guilty. The people I’ve encountered always make me feel guilty even if they didn’t mean to.”
“You’ve already said the answer. Just clear your mind of your assumptions about what other people think, what you think, and take a look at what is true.”
“I…I’m not guilty of anything other than harshly judging myself. I didn’t have faith in myself and I put too much thought into the minds of other when I didn’t need to.”
“That’s right, but do you really believe that?”
“I want to, but I need help in believing it completely. Is there anything you can do to help me do this?”
“It is not something I can do.”
The priest looks at Vito revealing his face to be his own. This shocks him a bit but then he calms down.
“I uh. Can’t absolve my wrongdoings through myself.”
“I’m not actually you, but you still need to forgive yourself in some way.”
“I know that, but still, it’s weird. So what should I do?”
“Go down to the depths of this town. Et ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen. Now, go do penance as your sins are cleansed through fire.”
The floors of the church open to reveal a chasm with a raging fire at the bottom. Vito willingly falls down into the chasm ready to face whatever comes to him.
Another song that I thought've for this story. I like the first one the most because it's slower. This song has more to do with the last part of the story.
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